The Long Surrender: 23/??
Jun. 3rd, 2011 03:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lalalive23Title: The Long Surrender
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lalalive23
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Fluff and language
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world gets turned upside down and nothing is ever the same again.
Feedback: Not gonna lie, I'm a feedback whore. I get the shakes without it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse. If I did, they sure as hell would not be let out of the naughty closet. I don't make money off this. If I did, I would be a rich lady and not distracting myself from writing an undergrad thesis that is somehow much bigger than I.
Note: I swear I am not leaving you guys with cliffhanger's on purpose lmfao. It's just that this chapter wound up being really long (I typed 'this' wrong and just learned that its an anagram of 'shit,' which I initially had put in omg lmfao), so I decided to split it up into two. The next bit should be coming tonight/tomorrow. I promise. Also: 12 Bar is a real place :D I was looking for venues that had small capacity numbers, similar to NYC's Webster Studio (which is my all time favourite venue omfg) and this place won. Turns out, through my creeping on street view, I've actually walked by this place when I was in England lol. Strange times. Epic endless thanks tosheer_poetry and end1essly for reading over this when I put out a twitter call for help. The lack of sunshine_173 in my life is painful (and yes, dear, that means get your ass online at some point). OH. And mrkwest is fucking awesome for letting me cry at her about my soundtrack issues xD Annnddd - I love you, readers, well and truly. Your comments are so exquisite. <3
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14A Chapter 14B Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22
It was mid-October before Dominic had persuaded Matthew to pursue a gig in London. In truth, he had been trying since the day Ian had made the suggestion, but it was the look of fear and sadness that worked itself into Matthew's expression when the subject was broached that stopped him from pressing any further. He knew it was not desire that prevented Matthew from seeking a showcase at a local venue, for he had seen the brunet perform and he knew that it was his favourite aspect of being a musician. No, he knew that despite the joy the thought of playing in front of an audience gave him it was the memories of a love lost that overshadowed his other emotions.
And so Dominic let the subject rest, only mentioning it in their quietest of moments, when conversation had died down and they took to simply being together in the comfortable silence. As their toes touched and rubbed, and eyes drank their fill, it was then that Dominic would softly mention Ian's important suggestion of a live gig. Matthew would simply nod, knowing it had to be done, but he would not expand upon the topic, would not offer words on it or committed answers like dates, place or even a 'yes. ' Simple nods were sufficient enough for him, until Dominic informed him that if he waited any longer, Ian would be left with several boxes of his album and no where to sell them. He had to get back in the circuit. Yes, he was well known in Madrid, but if he intended to make a career of his music, he would need to overcome his fears. And, he had assured him, he would be with him the whole way through.
It was a foggy, fall afternoon when Matthew and Dominic made their way to the tube station, ring and pinky fingers locked in a relaxed connection of hands. After a couple phone calls to a popular venue on Denmark Street, Dominic had secured an audition for Matthew at 12 Bar for midafternoon. They had never heard of Matthew, and admitted that they had never had a Spanish guitarist sit upon their stage, but they were eager to hear what Matthew had to offer. It helped, of course, that the owner knew Ian personally and was eager to meet the talent that Ian had spoken so highly of.
Leaving from Matthew's flat in High Barnet, the rode the Nothern Line southward to Tottenham Court Road, scarves wrapped tightly around their necks as a chill had overtaken the autumn air. Settled into the felt of the small seat, Dominic eyed Matthew, the brunet's leg shaking nervously against the guitar case between his knees as the rest of his body remained completely still. It had been strangely easy finding ways to talk Matthew out of his bedroom, the brunet smiling and nodding until he was dressed and putting on his coat. Now, as they rode in comfortable silence, he watched as the nerves enveloped Matthew, dimmed the vibrance in his blue eyes and turned them into soft pools of uncertainty. He reached over, smiling into Matthew's profile and wondered if he was registered in the brunet's peripheral vision, taking his knee with a small squeeze.
"You're going to be fine, Matt," he said softly. "Once you get up there, it'll be like coming home."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Matthew whispered, not turning to meet Dominic's gaze.
The statement caught Dom off guard, the meaning of the words confusing as he knew quite well that Matthew was most comfortable when he was onstage. For him to admit that he did not want to connect to that side of his music meant that there was something very serious running through his mind.
"I don't...understand," Dominic said slowly.
"It will be like coming home to a past I want to forget," Matthew explained, finally turning to look at Dom. His eyes darted everywhere, a familiar trait of his anxiety. "I know that when I'm on the stage, it's going to be like Evan is watching me...and I only want you there."
The words made Dominic's heart clench, the softness and the sincerity with which he finished his explanation taking up residence in his chest. With a warm smile, he gifted Matthew with another squeeze of his knee.
"It won't though," he said, reassuringly. "You've never played on this stage, so it's totally new."
Matthew shook his head, his bottom lip being worried by his teeth. "No, it will force me to live in the last time we were well and truly happy. Everything you've helped me to work past, it's just going to hit me all over again."
It appeared as though he intended to say more, but he closed his lips and looked down as the train slowed to a halt. Strangers passed their seats to exit and more entered, all on a commute with destinations unknown to everyone else. Matthew looked up through his eyelashes at the woman standing in front of him, the train crowded leaving her no where else to stand. She muttered an almost silent apology for bumping his knees and he merely smiled before turning his eyes back to Dominic, brow furrowed with the intention of picking up where he left off. He was hesitant, however, and the train had started to move again as he gathered his words, the symphony of the train over the tracks guiding his thought process.
"The last time I played a show in London," Matthew said once he had decided on what he wanted to say, "it was like Evan and I were in uni again. The gig had gone so well, just thundering applause from everyone in the audience, and when I came off stage I was handed a couple business cards from label execs. They were promising me so many things. I knew not to get my hopes up, but it still felt good, you know?"
Matthew paused, his eyes searching Dominic's face, but for what he didn't know. He simply nodded, urging Matthew to continue.
"When I got backstage, Evan was waiting for me with a bottle of champagne someone had handed him en route. He had no idea who the guy was, but he opened it and kept telling me that it was a night worth celebrating. God, I hadn't seen him so happy for me in such a long while." Matthew hands fumbled nervously in his lap as he told his story, and Dominic knew he wanted nothing more than to trill them in the air. He could tell he was restraining himself, the cramped train an inappropriate place for his anxious movements, but Dominic was captivated by the way his long fingers could twist themselves into intricate shapes.
It was then that Matthew's voice took on an almost wistful quality, and Dominic raised his eyes to find Matthew drowning in the memory, eyes glazed over in thought. "I swear we must have lingered backstage for hours, just fooling around. He kissed me, and touched me, in ways that we hadn't kissed or touched in so long. And it was more than just the physical lust, because he was so excited for me, his energy was incredible. It was like he truly connected to my music, truly connected to it, for the first time since we met. Nothing had ever made me feel so good."
As Matthew had continued his story, Dominic found himself becoming sad, wishing deep within himself that he had always been Matthew's support, his lifeline. But he pushed the thought from his mind, and focused on the important way Matthew spoke in the past tense, knowing that Evan was his past, and he himself was the present and future.
"He started making all these plans," Matthew continued. Dominic noted briefly that Matthew had hardly taken a breath in his story, his nerves causing words to overflow from his mouth without his brain to stop them. "Evan kept telling me that we had to go to Spain, I had to go to Spain right away. It was this big thing for him, that I needed to go so I could learn the culture and cultivate my craft. 'The art and the architecture, Matthew, it's going to inspire you! I promise, everything your music is will grow into mastery.'" Matthew deepened his voice in his impersonation of Evan's voice, and it was the first time that Dominic found himself wondering what Evan truly sounded like. In his heart of hearts, he was positive that impression Matthew did of Evan's voice was flattery, adding far more beautiful tones to the vocal inflections because Matthew was generous, and because nothing of his voice could ever be cruel or ugly.
"Seriously, Dom, I don't think we had ever been closer than that night. He made love to me all night long, asking me to speak in Spanish because I needed to practice for our trip. He was so into it, and I had never been more optimistic for the future than I was that night."
Matthew finished his story with a small exhale through his parted lips, eyes boring into Dominic's face. He was nervous, distraught, and he was terribly beautiful.
"And then he just...left?" Dominic asked, at a loss for something to say in the wake of Matthew's description. He was jealous that Evan got to experience Matthew's body in such an intimate way, and he despised Evan for giving Matthew hope only to strip it from him moments later.
"It was a week later, that he left. The day I bought us plane tickets to Spain," Matthew said, sadly.
Hot bile rose into Dominic's throat, and he swallowed it, not letting his disdain for Evan consume the words of reassurance he had planned for Matthew.
"Evan is only going to be in that venue if you let him be there," Dominic said. "It's going to be me and some guys from the pub, but it's I'll be there. If you think Evan is going to invade, just look at me. Look at me like the first night I saw you play, and I promise that Evan won't even get through the door."
Slowly, Dominic brought his hand to Matthew's lap, their fingers twining tightly together. It was the most public place they had ever held hands, the members of the crowded tube train easily able to turn their heads to see the display clearly. But they didn't matter, nothing mattered - only Matt.
"I don't know how I looked at you, that first night," Matthew whispered sheepishly. He had began to lean his head down and forward, as though he intended to rest it on Dominic's shoulder, but stopped himself midway.
"It was powerful," Dominic said easily, closing the gap between their foreheads. "It was very powerful."
They rested that way for some minutes, eyes closed as Matthew's forehead came to rest upon Dominic's cheek. He relished the contact, loving the way the silk of Matt's skin seemed to resonate against his own in time with the moving train. He marveled at the way Matthew's fingers held his so tightly, and while he was sure Matthew had never felt so connected to Evan than the night of his last gig, he knew that the connection he felt to Matthew in that moment was just the beginning for their relationship.
~~~
The walk to Denmark Street from Tottenham Court Road station was a short one, Dominic leading the way as Matthew pressed his red scarf closer to his face. They walked briskly and in silence, both knowing that words were unnecessary after their conversation on the tube, and they quickly found themselves at the door of 12 Bar. The building looked slightly suspicious from the outside, the venue itself painted red and trimmed with black piping, the venue's name printed in bright orange letters. What made the venue stand out the most was the caricature of the naked woman stuck so proudly to the window. Matthew peered cautiously at the window before gifting Dominic an anxious and slightly put off stare, his expression informing Dom that he wanted nothing more than to run from the venue into the tattoo parlor next door.
"It might be different on the inside," Dom said with a small smile.
"We wouldn't know, would we, as there are breasts blocking our view." Matthew's words were laced with a snark that Dom had never witnessed before, and he snorted loudly.
"Come on, Ian likes this guy. I'm sure it's fine."
He took Matthew's hand in his own and pushed open the door with relative confidence. If anything, Dominic trusted Ian and knew that he only associated with good people. Ian would never have suggested 12 Bar if he knew it was a bad place to hold a gig.
The walls of the interior were dark, lined with pictures and gig posters from previous shows. They walked through a very small corridor before the space opened to a small bar and cafe area. There were only about 10 tables in the room, with six stools lined at the foot of the bar. At the back, there sat a small stage that only could have been a metre off the ground, and it appeared as though three people would have a difficult time standing on it with their instruments. Quarters were cramped, though intimate, and the house lights above the stage were of better quality that he would have expected.
A tall man emerged from an employee's only door to their left, his sandy brown hair getting stuck behind his glasses as he struggled with boxes of beer.
"Do you need any help, mate?" Dom asked.
The questioned startled the man and he released a deep grunt of surprise as he brought his eyes to the couple standing awkwardly by the wall.
"Fuck," he muttered, dropping the boxes to the bar. "You frightened me. Sorry about that, bit jumpy, me." He wiped his hands on his faded jeans and shook the hair from his eyes before coming to stand in front of Dom. "I assume you guys are here for the audition, we aren't usually open this early otherwise. Which one of you is Matthew?"
"I am," Matt said, wiggling his hand holding his guitar, reluctant to let go of Dominic's. Dom smiled softly and released him, allowing Matt to shake the owner's hand.
"I'm Richard Brice," he said brightly. "Pleased to meet you. Ian has said some great things about you."
"He never really keeps his mouth shut, does he?" Dom laughed. Matthew released Richard's hand and blushed, a small smile pulling at his lips at the comment.
"You must be Dominic then," Richard said, extending his hand towards the blonde.
"Yeah, it's a pleasure." Dom beamed as he shook Richard's hand.
"Ian told me Matthew is extremely gifted, a joy to watch. I admit, I've never seen a Spanish guitarist perform, so I'm quite eager to see you play. You know, no pressure." Richard laughed lightly, and Dominic was pleased that Matthew joined along. Richard seemed to be a kind bloke, relaxed and, as he had said, eager. Matthew's body language had relaxed considerably, his shoulders appearing to be less tense and his eyes began to reignite with excitement.
"Ok, so I know it's a modest stage," Richard said pointing to the back of the venue, "but she's never failed us before. You're lucky it's just going to be you up there. It's usually a tight fit for the bands who play here. It's cozy, though."
He led them over to the stage, talking to Matthew about the door to the small backstage area.
"It basically is a back storage room that we've emptied out so bands can have some privacy before they go on. It leads into the room I just came out of, this place is so small there's really only so many places you can go. But the bands seem to mind. Most of them don't use the room anymore, they prefer to hang with the crowd before they go up." He ran a hand through his hair, smiling at the stage before turning to happily encourage Matthew to take his place atop the scratched wood. There was a fondness that had been laced behind his words that proved he adored the establishment he had developed, and it proved to Dominic that he was not the host of several gigs for money or for personal exposure - because those things were merely an added bonus, he could tell - but he genuinely enjoyed what he did, enjoyed creating an intimate setting, enjoyed offering musicians their chance to shine.
Dominic took a seat at a small round table that was relatively close to the stage. He was unsure of how far to place himself, wanting to give Matthew space but also wanting to be close enough to watch his hands. The audition itself would mark the first time he would watch Matthew play with since his recording sessions in Ian's studio. Yes, there had been days when he would visit Matthew's flat only to find the brunet strumming idly on his living room floor. Those moments would delve into the more intimate, as he would soon abandon his guitar in favor of Dominic's hands and lips. It was a veritable truth that he had missed watching Matthew play, as it seemed as through the music would caress his body from all angles until it consumed him completely. Though, while he wished to watch Matthew play, he only hoped that Matthew did not include a song with lyrics in his audition, if only for the sake of his own well-being.
Richard brought Matthew a stool from the bar and placed it in the center of the stage. He came to sit at Dominic's table with a bright smile only after Matthew had assured him that he had everything he needed. This pleased Dominic, as he insisted he didn't require a microphone thus proving any form of lyricism in his audition to be non-existent. However, Dominic's body was not entirely in the clear.
There were other things in the way Matthew preformed that affected Dominic unlike no other. The way the long nails and strong fingers of his right hand would strum so precisely, the way his long eyelashes rested so delicately on his cheekbones. He was a man possessed when it came to his music, and Dominic's body would always respond in the most automatic manner possible.
It was difficult for Dominic to divide his time between watching Matthew and glancing at Richard to get a sense of his reaction to the music, especially with his erection growing steadily beneath his trousers. As the audition continued, Dominic's fingers began to fist, his eyes became glued to Matthew's features which seemed to become more pronounced whenever he played. Head thrown back and lips parted, the tendons of his neck always stood out so proudly, his collarbone always making an appearance under the collar of his shirt. Richard became a distant memory of the past, fading away into darkness while Matthew shone brightly under the spotlight.
As he watched the guitarist play, a word that Ian had planted in his brain seemed to force its way to the tip of his tongue, its taste dancing deliciously on his taste buds. While he had no intention of vocalizing the word so quickly, he marveled at its flavor, the brilliance of the taste something he hadn't experienced in what he quickly realized was a very long time.
It was only when Matthew finished his audition, quietly setting his guitar down into its case as he gazed hopefully at Dominic's table that he realized that Richard was sitting next to him. Matthew's eyes were glued on the man who held part of his future in his hands, and it was only then that Dominic was aware of Richard's presence and aware that he was fully, and painfully, erect.
"Jesus," Richard said, breaking the silence. "That was amazing! Are they all like that? All Spanish guitarists?" He looked from Matthew to Dominic, his eyes searching and excited.
Dominic laughed as Matthew blushed furiously. "I don't know, really. I've only ever seen Matthew, but I don't think I need to look further. I'm fairly certain he's the best of the best." He gifted Matthew with a bright, yet, cheeky smile, offering a brief wink before he turned his attention back to Richard.
"Well, mate, you've definitely got a gig with me. I just need to check the calendar, cause I think we're all booked for the month. I'm pretty sure there's an open day in November. Mind if I just pop into the back for a quick look?" It was endearing the way that Richard used both of his hands to point at the door near the bar, his body rocking on the balls of his feet. His excitement was infectious and Dominic stifled a chuckle as Matthew began to nod vigorously.
"Please, by all means! Take your time." Matthew's voice seemed louder than it had all day, his own excitement consuming his vocal cords.
As Richard walked quickly to the back, Dominic took the opportunity to step onto the stage and wrap his arms around Matthew's waist.
"You didn't need to look at me the whole time," he said softly, his nose briefly rubbing against Matthew's. "I'm proud, but I can't say I'm not disappointed."
Matthew chuckled. "I didn't need to. I was thinking of you the whole time."
Heat seemed to slither from the base of Dominic's spine to pool in his groin at Matthew's words, and he released a light hiss.
"You made me...so fucking hard," he whispered. It was the first time he had ever made such a comment to Matthew's face, and certainly the first time he had done so in public. He didn't mind. It felt like the most natural thing to say.
"Really?" Matthew's eyebrows arched as a sly grin morphed his facial features. "Maybe I can help with that later."
The sheer, unadulterated lust in his voice made Dominic's heart twist and writhe. With his breathe trapped between his lungs, he studied the way Matthew licked his lips and smiled, the way the brunet seemed to inch closer to his groin in a subconscious movement of desire. The slowness of their relationship seemed to fluctuate, and it was something that he had thought over in recent days. Their tongues would move in the way they forbade their bodies, but their words would remain otherwise innocent. Explicit vocalizations had rarely made an appearance, and instead they communicated through touches of hands and between panted breaths.
Dominic opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of a door opening. He broke apart from Matthew, not because he didn't want Richard to see them, but because he had never been very fond of public displays of affection to begin with.
"I've got two dates in November, and lots of open days in December," Richard said as he walked toward the pair on stage.
"What are the November days?" Matthew asked.
"The 17th and the 28. I'm happy to give you both, if you want them. But if you'd like to wait until December you can pretty much name the day."
Matthew glanced at Dominic, his eyes questioning what he should do. However, Dominic said nothing, he merely smiled. While he was pleased that Matthew wanted him to be involved with his career decisions, he felt that these things were first and foremost Matthew's choices. He would offer advice, yes, but when it came to choosing gig dates, he wanted Matthew to be comfortable with whatever he chose.
Eventually, Matthew returned his gaze to Richard. "I'm happy to take both November days, but I don't want to take it from someone else who might need it."
"Well, you need the days and you're standing here. And, I want to give them to you. So," Richard took several steps forward to extend his hand towards Matthew. "I'll call you some time this week to iron out all the details. Until then, thanks so much for coming down. You really are quite something."
Shaking his hand with barely concealed pride, Matthew beamed. "Thank you so much. I truly cannot wait."
They said their goodbyes quickly, Richard returning behind the bar once more to sort the boxes of beer. Dominic lead Matthew through the small corridor quickly, pushing out into the cold air to immediately face Matthew with a small growl.
"What is it?" Matthew asked, confused.
"Take me home, Matt," Dom said, pressing himself against the brunet's body. He smiled when he felt Matthew shiver, and let his lips graze softly against the skin of his neck that was not covered by his scarf. "Take me home right now."
Author:
lalalive23 Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Fluff and language
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world gets turned upside down and nothing is ever the same again.
Feedback: Not gonna lie, I'm a feedback whore. I get the shakes without it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse. If I did, they sure as hell would not be let out of the naughty closet. I don't make money off this. If I did, I would be a rich lady and not distracting myself from writing an undergrad thesis that is somehow much bigger than I.
Note: I swear I am not leaving you guys with cliffhanger's on purpose lmfao. It's just that this chapter wound up being really long (I typed 'this' wrong and just learned that its an anagram of 'shit,' which I initially had put in omg lmfao), so I decided to split it up into two. The next bit should be coming tonight/tomorrow. I promise. Also: 12 Bar is a real place :D I was looking for venues that had small capacity numbers, similar to NYC's Webster Studio (which is my all time favourite venue omfg) and this place won. Turns out, through my creeping on street view, I've actually walked by this place when I was in England lol. Strange times. Epic endless thanks to
sheer_poetry and end1essly for reading over this when I put out a twitter call for help. The lack of sunshine_173 in my life is painful (and yes, dear, that means get your ass online at some point). OH. And mrkwest is fucking awesome for letting me cry at her about my soundtrack issues xD Annnddd - I love you, readers, well and truly. Your comments are so exquisite. <3Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14A Chapter 14B Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22
It was mid-October before Dominic had persuaded Matthew to pursue a gig in London. In truth, he had been trying since the day Ian had made the suggestion, but it was the look of fear and sadness that worked itself into Matthew's expression when the subject was broached that stopped him from pressing any further. He knew it was not desire that prevented Matthew from seeking a showcase at a local venue, for he had seen the brunet perform and he knew that it was his favourite aspect of being a musician. No, he knew that despite the joy the thought of playing in front of an audience gave him it was the memories of a love lost that overshadowed his other emotions.
And so Dominic let the subject rest, only mentioning it in their quietest of moments, when conversation had died down and they took to simply being together in the comfortable silence. As their toes touched and rubbed, and eyes drank their fill, it was then that Dominic would softly mention Ian's important suggestion of a live gig. Matthew would simply nod, knowing it had to be done, but he would not expand upon the topic, would not offer words on it or committed answers like dates, place or even a 'yes. ' Simple nods were sufficient enough for him, until Dominic informed him that if he waited any longer, Ian would be left with several boxes of his album and no where to sell them. He had to get back in the circuit. Yes, he was well known in Madrid, but if he intended to make a career of his music, he would need to overcome his fears. And, he had assured him, he would be with him the whole way through.
It was a foggy, fall afternoon when Matthew and Dominic made their way to the tube station, ring and pinky fingers locked in a relaxed connection of hands. After a couple phone calls to a popular venue on Denmark Street, Dominic had secured an audition for Matthew at 12 Bar for midafternoon. They had never heard of Matthew, and admitted that they had never had a Spanish guitarist sit upon their stage, but they were eager to hear what Matthew had to offer. It helped, of course, that the owner knew Ian personally and was eager to meet the talent that Ian had spoken so highly of.
Leaving from Matthew's flat in High Barnet, the rode the Nothern Line southward to Tottenham Court Road, scarves wrapped tightly around their necks as a chill had overtaken the autumn air. Settled into the felt of the small seat, Dominic eyed Matthew, the brunet's leg shaking nervously against the guitar case between his knees as the rest of his body remained completely still. It had been strangely easy finding ways to talk Matthew out of his bedroom, the brunet smiling and nodding until he was dressed and putting on his coat. Now, as they rode in comfortable silence, he watched as the nerves enveloped Matthew, dimmed the vibrance in his blue eyes and turned them into soft pools of uncertainty. He reached over, smiling into Matthew's profile and wondered if he was registered in the brunet's peripheral vision, taking his knee with a small squeeze.
"You're going to be fine, Matt," he said softly. "Once you get up there, it'll be like coming home."
"That's what I'm afraid of," Matthew whispered, not turning to meet Dominic's gaze.
The statement caught Dom off guard, the meaning of the words confusing as he knew quite well that Matthew was most comfortable when he was onstage. For him to admit that he did not want to connect to that side of his music meant that there was something very serious running through his mind.
"I don't...understand," Dominic said slowly.
"It will be like coming home to a past I want to forget," Matthew explained, finally turning to look at Dom. His eyes darted everywhere, a familiar trait of his anxiety. "I know that when I'm on the stage, it's going to be like Evan is watching me...and I only want you there."
The words made Dominic's heart clench, the softness and the sincerity with which he finished his explanation taking up residence in his chest. With a warm smile, he gifted Matthew with another squeeze of his knee.
"It won't though," he said, reassuringly. "You've never played on this stage, so it's totally new."
Matthew shook his head, his bottom lip being worried by his teeth. "No, it will force me to live in the last time we were well and truly happy. Everything you've helped me to work past, it's just going to hit me all over again."
It appeared as though he intended to say more, but he closed his lips and looked down as the train slowed to a halt. Strangers passed their seats to exit and more entered, all on a commute with destinations unknown to everyone else. Matthew looked up through his eyelashes at the woman standing in front of him, the train crowded leaving her no where else to stand. She muttered an almost silent apology for bumping his knees and he merely smiled before turning his eyes back to Dominic, brow furrowed with the intention of picking up where he left off. He was hesitant, however, and the train had started to move again as he gathered his words, the symphony of the train over the tracks guiding his thought process.
"The last time I played a show in London," Matthew said once he had decided on what he wanted to say, "it was like Evan and I were in uni again. The gig had gone so well, just thundering applause from everyone in the audience, and when I came off stage I was handed a couple business cards from label execs. They were promising me so many things. I knew not to get my hopes up, but it still felt good, you know?"
Matthew paused, his eyes searching Dominic's face, but for what he didn't know. He simply nodded, urging Matthew to continue.
"When I got backstage, Evan was waiting for me with a bottle of champagne someone had handed him en route. He had no idea who the guy was, but he opened it and kept telling me that it was a night worth celebrating. God, I hadn't seen him so happy for me in such a long while." Matthew hands fumbled nervously in his lap as he told his story, and Dominic knew he wanted nothing more than to trill them in the air. He could tell he was restraining himself, the cramped train an inappropriate place for his anxious movements, but Dominic was captivated by the way his long fingers could twist themselves into intricate shapes.
It was then that Matthew's voice took on an almost wistful quality, and Dominic raised his eyes to find Matthew drowning in the memory, eyes glazed over in thought. "I swear we must have lingered backstage for hours, just fooling around. He kissed me, and touched me, in ways that we hadn't kissed or touched in so long. And it was more than just the physical lust, because he was so excited for me, his energy was incredible. It was like he truly connected to my music, truly connected to it, for the first time since we met. Nothing had ever made me feel so good."
As Matthew had continued his story, Dominic found himself becoming sad, wishing deep within himself that he had always been Matthew's support, his lifeline. But he pushed the thought from his mind, and focused on the important way Matthew spoke in the past tense, knowing that Evan was his past, and he himself was the present and future.
"He started making all these plans," Matthew continued. Dominic noted briefly that Matthew had hardly taken a breath in his story, his nerves causing words to overflow from his mouth without his brain to stop them. "Evan kept telling me that we had to go to Spain, I had to go to Spain right away. It was this big thing for him, that I needed to go so I could learn the culture and cultivate my craft. 'The art and the architecture, Matthew, it's going to inspire you! I promise, everything your music is will grow into mastery.'" Matthew deepened his voice in his impersonation of Evan's voice, and it was the first time that Dominic found himself wondering what Evan truly sounded like. In his heart of hearts, he was positive that impression Matthew did of Evan's voice was flattery, adding far more beautiful tones to the vocal inflections because Matthew was generous, and because nothing of his voice could ever be cruel or ugly.
"Seriously, Dom, I don't think we had ever been closer than that night. He made love to me all night long, asking me to speak in Spanish because I needed to practice for our trip. He was so into it, and I had never been more optimistic for the future than I was that night."
Matthew finished his story with a small exhale through his parted lips, eyes boring into Dominic's face. He was nervous, distraught, and he was terribly beautiful.
"And then he just...left?" Dominic asked, at a loss for something to say in the wake of Matthew's description. He was jealous that Evan got to experience Matthew's body in such an intimate way, and he despised Evan for giving Matthew hope only to strip it from him moments later.
"It was a week later, that he left. The day I bought us plane tickets to Spain," Matthew said, sadly.
Hot bile rose into Dominic's throat, and he swallowed it, not letting his disdain for Evan consume the words of reassurance he had planned for Matthew.
"Evan is only going to be in that venue if you let him be there," Dominic said. "It's going to be me and some guys from the pub, but it's I'll be there. If you think Evan is going to invade, just look at me. Look at me like the first night I saw you play, and I promise that Evan won't even get through the door."
Slowly, Dominic brought his hand to Matthew's lap, their fingers twining tightly together. It was the most public place they had ever held hands, the members of the crowded tube train easily able to turn their heads to see the display clearly. But they didn't matter, nothing mattered - only Matt.
"I don't know how I looked at you, that first night," Matthew whispered sheepishly. He had began to lean his head down and forward, as though he intended to rest it on Dominic's shoulder, but stopped himself midway.
"It was powerful," Dominic said easily, closing the gap between their foreheads. "It was very powerful."
They rested that way for some minutes, eyes closed as Matthew's forehead came to rest upon Dominic's cheek. He relished the contact, loving the way the silk of Matt's skin seemed to resonate against his own in time with the moving train. He marveled at the way Matthew's fingers held his so tightly, and while he was sure Matthew had never felt so connected to Evan than the night of his last gig, he knew that the connection he felt to Matthew in that moment was just the beginning for their relationship.
~~~
The walk to Denmark Street from Tottenham Court Road station was a short one, Dominic leading the way as Matthew pressed his red scarf closer to his face. They walked briskly and in silence, both knowing that words were unnecessary after their conversation on the tube, and they quickly found themselves at the door of 12 Bar. The building looked slightly suspicious from the outside, the venue itself painted red and trimmed with black piping, the venue's name printed in bright orange letters. What made the venue stand out the most was the caricature of the naked woman stuck so proudly to the window. Matthew peered cautiously at the window before gifting Dominic an anxious and slightly put off stare, his expression informing Dom that he wanted nothing more than to run from the venue into the tattoo parlor next door.
"It might be different on the inside," Dom said with a small smile.
"We wouldn't know, would we, as there are breasts blocking our view." Matthew's words were laced with a snark that Dom had never witnessed before, and he snorted loudly.
"Come on, Ian likes this guy. I'm sure it's fine."
He took Matthew's hand in his own and pushed open the door with relative confidence. If anything, Dominic trusted Ian and knew that he only associated with good people. Ian would never have suggested 12 Bar if he knew it was a bad place to hold a gig.
The walls of the interior were dark, lined with pictures and gig posters from previous shows. They walked through a very small corridor before the space opened to a small bar and cafe area. There were only about 10 tables in the room, with six stools lined at the foot of the bar. At the back, there sat a small stage that only could have been a metre off the ground, and it appeared as though three people would have a difficult time standing on it with their instruments. Quarters were cramped, though intimate, and the house lights above the stage were of better quality that he would have expected.
A tall man emerged from an employee's only door to their left, his sandy brown hair getting stuck behind his glasses as he struggled with boxes of beer.
"Do you need any help, mate?" Dom asked.
The questioned startled the man and he released a deep grunt of surprise as he brought his eyes to the couple standing awkwardly by the wall.
"Fuck," he muttered, dropping the boxes to the bar. "You frightened me. Sorry about that, bit jumpy, me." He wiped his hands on his faded jeans and shook the hair from his eyes before coming to stand in front of Dom. "I assume you guys are here for the audition, we aren't usually open this early otherwise. Which one of you is Matthew?"
"I am," Matt said, wiggling his hand holding his guitar, reluctant to let go of Dominic's. Dom smiled softly and released him, allowing Matt to shake the owner's hand.
"I'm Richard Brice," he said brightly. "Pleased to meet you. Ian has said some great things about you."
"He never really keeps his mouth shut, does he?" Dom laughed. Matthew released Richard's hand and blushed, a small smile pulling at his lips at the comment.
"You must be Dominic then," Richard said, extending his hand towards the blonde.
"Yeah, it's a pleasure." Dom beamed as he shook Richard's hand.
"Ian told me Matthew is extremely gifted, a joy to watch. I admit, I've never seen a Spanish guitarist perform, so I'm quite eager to see you play. You know, no pressure." Richard laughed lightly, and Dominic was pleased that Matthew joined along. Richard seemed to be a kind bloke, relaxed and, as he had said, eager. Matthew's body language had relaxed considerably, his shoulders appearing to be less tense and his eyes began to reignite with excitement.
"Ok, so I know it's a modest stage," Richard said pointing to the back of the venue, "but she's never failed us before. You're lucky it's just going to be you up there. It's usually a tight fit for the bands who play here. It's cozy, though."
He led them over to the stage, talking to Matthew about the door to the small backstage area.
"It basically is a back storage room that we've emptied out so bands can have some privacy before they go on. It leads into the room I just came out of, this place is so small there's really only so many places you can go. But the bands seem to mind. Most of them don't use the room anymore, they prefer to hang with the crowd before they go up." He ran a hand through his hair, smiling at the stage before turning to happily encourage Matthew to take his place atop the scratched wood. There was a fondness that had been laced behind his words that proved he adored the establishment he had developed, and it proved to Dominic that he was not the host of several gigs for money or for personal exposure - because those things were merely an added bonus, he could tell - but he genuinely enjoyed what he did, enjoyed creating an intimate setting, enjoyed offering musicians their chance to shine.
Dominic took a seat at a small round table that was relatively close to the stage. He was unsure of how far to place himself, wanting to give Matthew space but also wanting to be close enough to watch his hands. The audition itself would mark the first time he would watch Matthew play with since his recording sessions in Ian's studio. Yes, there had been days when he would visit Matthew's flat only to find the brunet strumming idly on his living room floor. Those moments would delve into the more intimate, as he would soon abandon his guitar in favor of Dominic's hands and lips. It was a veritable truth that he had missed watching Matthew play, as it seemed as through the music would caress his body from all angles until it consumed him completely. Though, while he wished to watch Matthew play, he only hoped that Matthew did not include a song with lyrics in his audition, if only for the sake of his own well-being.
Richard brought Matthew a stool from the bar and placed it in the center of the stage. He came to sit at Dominic's table with a bright smile only after Matthew had assured him that he had everything he needed. This pleased Dominic, as he insisted he didn't require a microphone thus proving any form of lyricism in his audition to be non-existent. However, Dominic's body was not entirely in the clear.
There were other things in the way Matthew preformed that affected Dominic unlike no other. The way the long nails and strong fingers of his right hand would strum so precisely, the way his long eyelashes rested so delicately on his cheekbones. He was a man possessed when it came to his music, and Dominic's body would always respond in the most automatic manner possible.
It was difficult for Dominic to divide his time between watching Matthew and glancing at Richard to get a sense of his reaction to the music, especially with his erection growing steadily beneath his trousers. As the audition continued, Dominic's fingers began to fist, his eyes became glued to Matthew's features which seemed to become more pronounced whenever he played. Head thrown back and lips parted, the tendons of his neck always stood out so proudly, his collarbone always making an appearance under the collar of his shirt. Richard became a distant memory of the past, fading away into darkness while Matthew shone brightly under the spotlight.
As he watched the guitarist play, a word that Ian had planted in his brain seemed to force its way to the tip of his tongue, its taste dancing deliciously on his taste buds. While he had no intention of vocalizing the word so quickly, he marveled at its flavor, the brilliance of the taste something he hadn't experienced in what he quickly realized was a very long time.
It was only when Matthew finished his audition, quietly setting his guitar down into its case as he gazed hopefully at Dominic's table that he realized that Richard was sitting next to him. Matthew's eyes were glued on the man who held part of his future in his hands, and it was only then that Dominic was aware of Richard's presence and aware that he was fully, and painfully, erect.
"Jesus," Richard said, breaking the silence. "That was amazing! Are they all like that? All Spanish guitarists?" He looked from Matthew to Dominic, his eyes searching and excited.
Dominic laughed as Matthew blushed furiously. "I don't know, really. I've only ever seen Matthew, but I don't think I need to look further. I'm fairly certain he's the best of the best." He gifted Matthew with a bright, yet, cheeky smile, offering a brief wink before he turned his attention back to Richard.
"Well, mate, you've definitely got a gig with me. I just need to check the calendar, cause I think we're all booked for the month. I'm pretty sure there's an open day in November. Mind if I just pop into the back for a quick look?" It was endearing the way that Richard used both of his hands to point at the door near the bar, his body rocking on the balls of his feet. His excitement was infectious and Dominic stifled a chuckle as Matthew began to nod vigorously.
"Please, by all means! Take your time." Matthew's voice seemed louder than it had all day, his own excitement consuming his vocal cords.
As Richard walked quickly to the back, Dominic took the opportunity to step onto the stage and wrap his arms around Matthew's waist.
"You didn't need to look at me the whole time," he said softly, his nose briefly rubbing against Matthew's. "I'm proud, but I can't say I'm not disappointed."
Matthew chuckled. "I didn't need to. I was thinking of you the whole time."
Heat seemed to slither from the base of Dominic's spine to pool in his groin at Matthew's words, and he released a light hiss.
"You made me...so fucking hard," he whispered. It was the first time he had ever made such a comment to Matthew's face, and certainly the first time he had done so in public. He didn't mind. It felt like the most natural thing to say.
"Really?" Matthew's eyebrows arched as a sly grin morphed his facial features. "Maybe I can help with that later."
The sheer, unadulterated lust in his voice made Dominic's heart twist and writhe. With his breathe trapped between his lungs, he studied the way Matthew licked his lips and smiled, the way the brunet seemed to inch closer to his groin in a subconscious movement of desire. The slowness of their relationship seemed to fluctuate, and it was something that he had thought over in recent days. Their tongues would move in the way they forbade their bodies, but their words would remain otherwise innocent. Explicit vocalizations had rarely made an appearance, and instead they communicated through touches of hands and between panted breaths.
Dominic opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the sound of a door opening. He broke apart from Matthew, not because he didn't want Richard to see them, but because he had never been very fond of public displays of affection to begin with.
"I've got two dates in November, and lots of open days in December," Richard said as he walked toward the pair on stage.
"What are the November days?" Matthew asked.
"The 17th and the 28. I'm happy to give you both, if you want them. But if you'd like to wait until December you can pretty much name the day."
Matthew glanced at Dominic, his eyes questioning what he should do. However, Dominic said nothing, he merely smiled. While he was pleased that Matthew wanted him to be involved with his career decisions, he felt that these things were first and foremost Matthew's choices. He would offer advice, yes, but when it came to choosing gig dates, he wanted Matthew to be comfortable with whatever he chose.
Eventually, Matthew returned his gaze to Richard. "I'm happy to take both November days, but I don't want to take it from someone else who might need it."
"Well, you need the days and you're standing here. And, I want to give them to you. So," Richard took several steps forward to extend his hand towards Matthew. "I'll call you some time this week to iron out all the details. Until then, thanks so much for coming down. You really are quite something."
Shaking his hand with barely concealed pride, Matthew beamed. "Thank you so much. I truly cannot wait."
They said their goodbyes quickly, Richard returning behind the bar once more to sort the boxes of beer. Dominic lead Matthew through the small corridor quickly, pushing out into the cold air to immediately face Matthew with a small growl.
"What is it?" Matthew asked, confused.
"Take me home, Matt," Dom said, pressing himself against the brunet's body. He smiled when he felt Matthew shiver, and let his lips graze softly against the skin of his neck that was not covered by his scarf. "Take me home right now."
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Date: 2011-06-03 08:45 pm (UTC)poor Matt, thinking about Evan during the train ride. i hope that as the time goes it gets easier for him to deal with this. i'm sure Dom will continue helping him with it.
i pass by Denmark Street almost every day, but i'm always in such a hurry that i never notice the names of pubs; i think i've seen 12 bar club though. now i really want to go there just because you mentioned it here! hahaha.
i'm so happy and excited for Matt! BUT i'm even more excited for Matt taking Dom home! *fans self*
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Date: 2011-06-03 09:03 pm (UTC)don't worry Dom, Matt's playing does that to me too. WOAH god it's just I can't even *watches coherency fly out of window* god, their dynamic, and the scene on the Tube was so pretty, so beautiful :3
Can't wait for the next bit! (24's my lucky number, I love reading the 24th chapter of fics xD xD)
*hugs tight* ♥
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Date: 2011-06-03 09:27 pm (UTC)I feel sorry for Matt having to deal with the memory of Evan though, but at least he has Dom. A horny Dom with a tent pole in his pants! lol
*snuggs*
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Date: 2011-06-03 09:45 pm (UTC)mrooooowwwrrr
<333
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Date: 2011-06-04 02:39 am (UTC)I'm excited to see how the first gig goes :D
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Date: 2011-06-04 08:56 am (UTC)The chapter has basically left me breathless and panting, if that makes sense :P. Your words and your boys are seriously addictive!
<3333333333
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Date: 2011-06-04 09:44 am (UTC)Seriously, if I were Dom I would not have made it all the way back to High Barnet - there are some nice, secluded little parks around Soho that are perfect for releasing such built up tension. (Perhaps I'm saying too much - sorry, been reading some of Stefanyeah's fics, That girl is a bad influence on me) Can't wait for the next bit *nibbles nails*.
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Date: 2011-06-04 10:37 am (UTC)Poor Dom, I'm glad he didn't feel too bad with Matt slightly obsessing over boyfriend past. Get over it Matthew! You have one of the most sexy men in the world totally besotted with you!
Fnar at Dom's uncontrollable reaction to Matt's playing..I am immensely looking forward to finding out how the little rabbit copes with a whole set!! :D
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Date: 2011-06-04 02:08 pm (UTC)"Take me home, Matt," Dom said, pressing himself against the brunet's body. He smiled when he felt Matthew shiver, and let his lips graze softly against the skin of his neck that was not covered by his scarf. "Take me home right now."
Amazing chapter
<3
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Date: 2011-06-04 08:11 pm (UTC)USHIM (...home)!;) <333
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Date: 2011-06-05 12:04 am (UTC)They rested that way for some minutes, eyes closed as Matthew's forehead came to rest upon Dominic's cheek.
They are so flawless. <3 This new beginning for them both is so exciting and I can't wait for Matt to TAKE HIM HOME.
I love you.
x