The Long Surrender: 18/??
Jan. 25th, 2011 02:29 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lalalive23Title: The Long Surrender
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lalalive23
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: R
Warning: Swearing
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world gets turned upside down and nothing is ever the same again.
Feedback: Not gonna lie, I'm a feedback whore. I get the shakes without it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse. If I did, they sure as hell would not be let out of the naughty closet. I don't make money off this. If I did, I would be a rich lady and not distracting myself from writing an undergrad thesis that is somehow much bigger than I.
Note: Well. I lied. Here is the next chapter. My mother informed me that we would be leaving at 5.30 in the morning to drive me back to school so I figured WHY NOT PULL AN ALL NIGHTER? My sleep pattern is fucked as it is. So...voila! The fruits of my all night activities. I do hope you enjoy this. It's very hard keeping speeches realistic lol. <3
Thanks tosunshine_173 for bit reading and telling me this didn't suck. And I give an award to sheerpoetry for putting up with my teasing treats :D
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14A Chapter 14B Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17
He had barely registered the words before Dominic was in his arms, face cupped between clammy palms as Dominic's lips pressed roughly to his own. Against his will, he trembled into the touch, the scent of the warm summer air laced into Dominic's skin. But he denied his arms the gift of wrapping around the blonde and holding him against his heated flesh. The words were exactly what he had been waiting to hear, and he wanted Dominic to explain the details of his confession.
With extraordinary hesitation, he braced the shoulders of the man so passionately lapping at his lips for entrance and pushed him away, his heart breaking at the sound of Dominic's confused whine.
"What happened?" he asked, moving to let Dom completely into the house while he shut the door. "Tell me!"
Pressing his back against the door, he smiled brightly, watching as Dominic shrugged out of his jacket. He looked ecstatic and joyful, his gray eyes glimmering as though sun were breaking out behind dark clouds. Matthew wanted to laugh, laugh for no reason at all. Just because he was happy.
"Julia found out! She knew everything and she left." Dominic spoke the words with such joy, and yet, Matthew found his smile falling.
In a moment, all the joy he had been feeling was sucked out of him. The only thing he wanted to do then was reprimand Dominic for being so joyful.
"Wait, she found out?" He needed Dominic to clarify.
When he had told Dominic those weeks ago to make the choice between himself and Julia, he had meant for Dominic to come to the decision on his own, based entirely on what his heart told him. For Julia to have left him, she had made the choice for both of them. It felt to him as though everything about their relationship had been entirely in Julia's hands, and ruled by how Dominic felt about her. Never once did Matthew feel as though Dominic made the choices on his own, and an ache had started to form in his gut at the knowledge.
"Yeah, well, last week after you cornered me in the bathroom I went home...and...well...I had a wank. And I said your name. Loudly" He blushed at the words, the colour on his cheeks making him look impossibly perfect.
A sense of pride formed in Matthew's stomach to know that Dominic had called his name in private, had thought of him while he touched himself. Momentarily, he wondered if Dominic imagined that it was his hand tracing the contours of his cock as he drove himself to completion. Never would he tell Dominic that, in the throws of his own orgasm, he would call Dominic's name and speak to his hand as though it were not his. As he came, his body was always drunk with the blonde's presence.
"She heard me," Dominic continued, "and she was confused and confronted me. She left me, Matt. She left." Matthew found himself nearly blind from the smile he was given. He wanted to feel as though his soul were warmed by the action, but all he could be aware of was the sinking of his heart.
Pushing away from the door, he rubbed a hand over his face as he moved to sit in a char at the kitchen table. He did not remove his hand as he passed the blonde, fearing that he would forget everything he wanted, needed, to say.
"Dom," he said gruffly. "That isn't....so basically you're telling me you didn't decide this yourself." It wasn't a question, it was a statement of fact.
He pulled his hand away from his face, resting it on the cool table. Dominic stood before him, hands on hips, blush still in place as it spread to his neck. Matthew wished he was not so affected by the sight, imagining Dominic writhing beneath him wearing the same shade.
"Well, no, but what does it matter?" he asked.
Matthew chuckled softly. "Dom, it matters a lot. You didn't choose this for yourself. Your girlfriend left you so now it's just me. How do I know you truly want this?"
Dominic took a step back from him, bumping into the counter behind him. "Matthew, you know I want this."
A small pain formed in Matthew's chest as he prepared himself for what he was about to say. "You say you do, but how can I believe you if you can't even say it to Julia? When will you be able to admit it completely?" He felt himself frown and watched as Dominic's eyes widened, lips parting as he took in a sharp breath. "If she hadn't left you, would you be here? How long would I have been waiting for you? How long will I be waiting....for you to accept this as something you want?"
The words hung in the air, heavy with their meaning. He was breathless as he spoke them, wishing only that he could trust Dominic when he said that Matthew was what he wanted. If felt gravely like he was doomed to be in a one sided love for longer than he could bear, watching only as Dominic struggled to return the feeling. The depths of his yearning nearly consumed him on a daily basis, his heart aching to make the blonde its own. For Dominic, he could wait, he would drain his veins and blood of every ounce of patience within his body, but he was only human, only able to love for so long without given signs of reciprocation.
Dominic cut through the thickness of the atmosphere, turning quickly to slap his hand on the counter in frustration. Through his thin undershirt, the muscles of his back rippled in tension as he gripped the granite before him, and Matthew was helpless to prevent himself from imagine them doing the same during sex.
"Why," he heard Dominic mutter, "is everyone treating me like this isn't what I want?"
Matthew softened, feeling as though he should explain himself better. "Dom -" he was cut off by Dominic's fierce face turning to look at him once more.
"I was afraid. I admit it, ok? I was scared. But never was I afraid of this...of us. Just because I was afraid of hurting Julia doesn't mean that I didn't, that I don't, want you." He pushed himself away from the counter to walked to Matthew. Taking a chair from the table, he pulled it to place it directly in front of Matthew. The new angle allowed him to see the depths of Dominic's sincerity, every nerve on his face twitching with meaning. "I didn't sit at home tonight after she left. I didn't stay there and wallow in misery, in her memory, ok? I am here because this is something exciting to me."
Through the soft flannel of Matthew's bottoms, he felt Dominic's hand come to rest on his knee and give a squeeze. The simple sensation thrilled him.
"I came here because I want you, and I want this." The hand on Matthew's knee tightened, and Dominic released a laugh. "The mere thought of starting this is what brought me here. Because this, you, are too perfect for me to sit at home and miss out on. I want to start this now."
When Matthew was 24, Evan had come home one evening with a new vinyl record player, announcing that the music that Matthew loved so dearly would sound the best when listened to on 7 and 12." That evening they had listened to Andres Segovia until dawn, wrapped in each other's arms on the couch as life happened around them. Peace and contentedness had filled their lives, neither feeling the urge to leave the rapture given by the other's embrace. But the feeling for Matthew had only been doubled the moment Evan had licked the shell of his ear to whisper that he was his soulmate.
Simple words, they were, bearing so much joy when laced with so much passion and honesty. Dominic had spoke his words with the same power and the same force, dictating each syllable with confident certainty. In the wake of the words, he had been left breathless.
It was then that he lifted his hand to rest atop Dominic's on his leg. "That," he sighed, "means more to me than you could possibly imagine. But..."
Blonde hairs swayed listlessly around Dominic's head as he shook it. "Why does there have to be a 'but,' Matt? Why isn't the fact that I want this enough?" The pain and lust in his words made Matthew's throat constrict.
He shut his eyes slowly as he spoke, his grip on Dominic's hand tightening. The skin was too soft to be human. "Because the fact remains that you didn't choose this. Tomorrow you could wake up and not want this at all. You could wake up and regret this, and...if we start this tonight..I'm not strong enough to let you go tomorrow."
"So don't!" Dominic explained, forcing Matthew to open his eyes. "I'm here and I want you. How many times do I have to say it?"
It was Matthew's turn to shake his head, messy dark locks falling around his eyes. "It has nothing to do with you saying it over and over. It's just..I don't want to rush into this and then have you realize that this isn't for you. It's not like you can fall into the arms of homosexuality and accept it. It's hard, Dom. This is going to be hard for you and I want you to be sure that you're ready."
Dominic absorbed the words before him as Matthew's heart beat rapidly in his chest. It was taking all of his self control not to reach forward up to Dominic's thigh, or move the hand on his leg to his groin.
"I feel like I've been ready from the second I saw you," Dominic said softly.
Emotion ripped from Matthew's chest, propelling him from his seat into Matthew's arms. He held the blonde tightly, as though wishing their flesh could use the heat of their desire to weld together. Fists clutching tightly to Dominic's shirt, he pressed his face into Dominic's neck and breathed. In the juncture of his shoulder and neck, Dominic's natural scent was positively overwhelming, a drug that forced his body into serious addiction.
"Can I stay here tonight? With you?" he heard Dominic whisper. The light touches of the blonde's hands down his spine were causing him to shake, soft finger tips making barely there shapes on his back.
"We can't..." Matthew drifted, the words becoming muffled in Dominic's skin. He felt the blonde shiver and smiled wickedly. He brought the tip of his tongue to tease the heated skin, mimicking the same lightness of Dom's fingers.
Dominic tightened his grip on Matthew as he left out a weak breath.
"No podemos hacer nada esta noche," Matthew whispered with a laugh, tongue punctuating each word with a short lick.
"Don't fucking tease me if you don't want me to make you mine tonight," Dominic whispered darkly into Matt's ear, blowing hot air around the shell as he spoke.
"Who said," Matthew whispered before licking a light strip up to Dominic's ear, "you would be the one doing the taking?" He finished his question by nibbling gently on the lobe, loving the sharp cry Dominic gave from the simple action.
He felt himself get pushed away, Dominic's arms holding him at arm's length. Gray eyes black, the same as they had been in the bathroom, stared gravely into his face. Breaths coming in uneven patterns, Matthew realized that his self control was slipping with each passing second.
"You are coming dangerously close to my limits, Matthew," Dominic said sternly.
Matthew nodded in kind, smiling at their brief flirtation. The hopeful, innocent in him prayed that these flirtations would continue into their intimate future, but he prevented himself from looking beyond the next twelve hours. He would only allow himself to calm when the morning came and Dominic was still there.
"I want you to stay tonight, Dom. It's just...I don't trust myself with you...in my bed." He had to be honest. If the blonde were to enter his bed, an infinite world of pleasure was opened to him and he refused to risk Dominic's state of mind for his own selfishness.
"That's fine," Dominc nodded, coming to stand. Matthew moved with him, unwilling to let his hand go. "I can stay on the couch."
Matthew lead him through the archway into the living room, begrudgingly letting go of his hand to retrieve blankets from the small hallway closet.
"I haven't used these in ages," Matthew said mindlessly to Dominic as he walked back into the living room. He stopped in his tracks as he caught sight of Dominic, the blonde staring wide eyed at his surroundings. "What?" Matthew asked.
"You finished this...the room, I mean." Dominic walked close to a bookshelf holding all of Matthew's books and records, inspecting each title before gazing around at the new decoration.
Guitars in their stands lined the floors, Bianca standing proud in the center. Pictures of Spain, blown up and framed lined the walls, not a hint of anyone but Matthew apparent in the room. To be frank, the brunet was proud of his design, loving the way the room calmed him and made him feel as though he had truly come home.
"You didn't think I would wait for you, did you?" Matthew joked, tossing the blankets on his new leather couch.
Dominic shrugged as he walked over to run a hand over the arm of the furniture. "Well, no...but, I mean -"
Matthew cut him off with a high pitched laugh. "Oh my lord, you did!"
"No! But it would have been fun to finish this together," Dominic explained.
With a sigh, Matthew moved to unfold a blanket, shaking it open as he debated if he should tell Dominic about his conversation with Vida. "It was something I had to do on my own," he said slowly. "There was too much Evan, and then you and our fight got painted into the wall somehow. Not physically, obviously, but the negative energy remained. I just needed to start making this place mine before I invited others in." He paraphrased what Vida had told him, smiling as he wondered if she would be proud of him for saying the words so strongly.
"That makes sense," Dominic said softly. "Matt..." he drifted.
"What?" Matthew dropped the blanket as a bottom sheet on the cushions, staring at Dominic.
"You keep asking me if I'm ready...but...are you?" Soft eyes gazed at him questioningly, as if searching Matthew for something the blonde couldn't place. "It's like...you were all upset over Evan and then...now you want me. Aren't we kind of in the same place?"
And there it was. The question Matthew had been dreading because he did not want to explain the prolonged length of his desire, the the countless nights he had spent in Spain dreaming that Dominic was his. How could he put words to the impossible way Dominic had saved him from the darkness he had forced himself into? He had no choice but to be honest.
"Dom," he quietly said as he looked away, fiddling with the edge of the blanket between his fingers. "You - you saved me from myself. But it isn't like I'm fixated on you because you came along when I needed you most. It's like...ok. Evan was good for me, perfect, and exactly what I needed at that certain point in my life. When everything was good between us, he was perfect. But I was blind to his flaws. I never saw him as anything else than sublime. But you...you weren't perfect. You were engaged, so I started telling myself that I wanted you because you because you were my rebound. But then I couldn't stop. And everything about you was wrong and flawed."
Dominic snorted. "Gee, thanks."
Matthew shook his head furiously. "No, I'm not explaining it well. Nothing about my desire for you was perfect or rational. And nothing about us could have ever been perfect. And that's why I started thinking that this was something bigger than I was ready for. Because I couldn't control myself around you. And I couldn't stop myself from thinking about you. I don't know what it is, but somehow you're more important to me than Evan ever was. It's like you've forced me to grow into something better, and even though we aren't simple and perfect, that's what makes how I feel about you real. Because...how deeply I feel about you was never meant to be easy in the first place."
During his verbal overflow, Matthew had stopped picking the blanket and had forced himself to stare into Dominic's face. He read every expression like a page in his favourite book, devouring it and committing it to memory to unpack its layers at a later date. Dominic, it seemed, was stunned, rendered speechless at the mere implication of what Matthew had said. And so, in the silence of the living room, Matthew surrendered himself to waiting and watching.
After several moments of silence, Dominic had processed Matthew's speech and developed a small question of his own.
"And...how exactly...do you feel?" he asked.
With a deep breath, Matthew spoke. "You told me that you worship me. Well, if I'm the icon of the practice, you're the savior about which the dogma was written."
Neither could bring themselves to speak for the rest of the evening, both terrified of confessing another layer of their feelings that contradicted their wishes to wait. Instead they took to watching television in the darkness, waiting until their eyes grew tired from the strain. On opposite sides of the couch they sat, trust in their limbs own personal control far below confident.
When Matthew lifted himself to go to bed, he left the living room with a heavy heart. All of him felt linked to Dominic, wishing instead to curl up at his side and sleep chastely in his embrace. The strength of his wish forced his body into an unnatural state of weight, causing him to use much effort to even make it to the hallway.
It certainly did not help when, behind him, a soft voice floated to his ears that threatened to break down every last wall of restraint he had spent the past few hours building for himself.
"Goodnight, Bells."
Author:
lalalive23 Pairing: Belldom
Rating: R
Warning: Swearing
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world gets turned upside down and nothing is ever the same again.
Feedback: Not gonna lie, I'm a feedback whore. I get the shakes without it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse. If I did, they sure as hell would not be let out of the naughty closet. I don't make money off this. If I did, I would be a rich lady and not distracting myself from writing an undergrad thesis that is somehow much bigger than I.
Note: Well. I lied. Here is the next chapter. My mother informed me that we would be leaving at 5.30 in the morning to drive me back to school so I figured WHY NOT PULL AN ALL NIGHTER? My sleep pattern is fucked as it is. So...voila! The fruits of my all night activities. I do hope you enjoy this. It's very hard keeping speeches realistic lol. <3
Thanks to
sunshine_173 for bit reading and telling me this didn't suck. And I give an award to sheerpoetry for putting up with my teasing treats :DPrologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14A Chapter 14B Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17
He had barely registered the words before Dominic was in his arms, face cupped between clammy palms as Dominic's lips pressed roughly to his own. Against his will, he trembled into the touch, the scent of the warm summer air laced into Dominic's skin. But he denied his arms the gift of wrapping around the blonde and holding him against his heated flesh. The words were exactly what he had been waiting to hear, and he wanted Dominic to explain the details of his confession.
With extraordinary hesitation, he braced the shoulders of the man so passionately lapping at his lips for entrance and pushed him away, his heart breaking at the sound of Dominic's confused whine.
"What happened?" he asked, moving to let Dom completely into the house while he shut the door. "Tell me!"
Pressing his back against the door, he smiled brightly, watching as Dominic shrugged out of his jacket. He looked ecstatic and joyful, his gray eyes glimmering as though sun were breaking out behind dark clouds. Matthew wanted to laugh, laugh for no reason at all. Just because he was happy.
"Julia found out! She knew everything and she left." Dominic spoke the words with such joy, and yet, Matthew found his smile falling.
In a moment, all the joy he had been feeling was sucked out of him. The only thing he wanted to do then was reprimand Dominic for being so joyful.
"Wait, she found out?" He needed Dominic to clarify.
When he had told Dominic those weeks ago to make the choice between himself and Julia, he had meant for Dominic to come to the decision on his own, based entirely on what his heart told him. For Julia to have left him, she had made the choice for both of them. It felt to him as though everything about their relationship had been entirely in Julia's hands, and ruled by how Dominic felt about her. Never once did Matthew feel as though Dominic made the choices on his own, and an ache had started to form in his gut at the knowledge.
"Yeah, well, last week after you cornered me in the bathroom I went home...and...well...I had a wank. And I said your name. Loudly" He blushed at the words, the colour on his cheeks making him look impossibly perfect.
A sense of pride formed in Matthew's stomach to know that Dominic had called his name in private, had thought of him while he touched himself. Momentarily, he wondered if Dominic imagined that it was his hand tracing the contours of his cock as he drove himself to completion. Never would he tell Dominic that, in the throws of his own orgasm, he would call Dominic's name and speak to his hand as though it were not his. As he came, his body was always drunk with the blonde's presence.
"She heard me," Dominic continued, "and she was confused and confronted me. She left me, Matt. She left." Matthew found himself nearly blind from the smile he was given. He wanted to feel as though his soul were warmed by the action, but all he could be aware of was the sinking of his heart.
Pushing away from the door, he rubbed a hand over his face as he moved to sit in a char at the kitchen table. He did not remove his hand as he passed the blonde, fearing that he would forget everything he wanted, needed, to say.
"Dom," he said gruffly. "That isn't....so basically you're telling me you didn't decide this yourself." It wasn't a question, it was a statement of fact.
He pulled his hand away from his face, resting it on the cool table. Dominic stood before him, hands on hips, blush still in place as it spread to his neck. Matthew wished he was not so affected by the sight, imagining Dominic writhing beneath him wearing the same shade.
"Well, no, but what does it matter?" he asked.
Matthew chuckled softly. "Dom, it matters a lot. You didn't choose this for yourself. Your girlfriend left you so now it's just me. How do I know you truly want this?"
Dominic took a step back from him, bumping into the counter behind him. "Matthew, you know I want this."
A small pain formed in Matthew's chest as he prepared himself for what he was about to say. "You say you do, but how can I believe you if you can't even say it to Julia? When will you be able to admit it completely?" He felt himself frown and watched as Dominic's eyes widened, lips parting as he took in a sharp breath. "If she hadn't left you, would you be here? How long would I have been waiting for you? How long will I be waiting....for you to accept this as something you want?"
The words hung in the air, heavy with their meaning. He was breathless as he spoke them, wishing only that he could trust Dominic when he said that Matthew was what he wanted. If felt gravely like he was doomed to be in a one sided love for longer than he could bear, watching only as Dominic struggled to return the feeling. The depths of his yearning nearly consumed him on a daily basis, his heart aching to make the blonde its own. For Dominic, he could wait, he would drain his veins and blood of every ounce of patience within his body, but he was only human, only able to love for so long without given signs of reciprocation.
Dominic cut through the thickness of the atmosphere, turning quickly to slap his hand on the counter in frustration. Through his thin undershirt, the muscles of his back rippled in tension as he gripped the granite before him, and Matthew was helpless to prevent himself from imagine them doing the same during sex.
"Why," he heard Dominic mutter, "is everyone treating me like this isn't what I want?"
Matthew softened, feeling as though he should explain himself better. "Dom -" he was cut off by Dominic's fierce face turning to look at him once more.
"I was afraid. I admit it, ok? I was scared. But never was I afraid of this...of us. Just because I was afraid of hurting Julia doesn't mean that I didn't, that I don't, want you." He pushed himself away from the counter to walked to Matthew. Taking a chair from the table, he pulled it to place it directly in front of Matthew. The new angle allowed him to see the depths of Dominic's sincerity, every nerve on his face twitching with meaning. "I didn't sit at home tonight after she left. I didn't stay there and wallow in misery, in her memory, ok? I am here because this is something exciting to me."
Through the soft flannel of Matthew's bottoms, he felt Dominic's hand come to rest on his knee and give a squeeze. The simple sensation thrilled him.
"I came here because I want you, and I want this." The hand on Matthew's knee tightened, and Dominic released a laugh. "The mere thought of starting this is what brought me here. Because this, you, are too perfect for me to sit at home and miss out on. I want to start this now."
When Matthew was 24, Evan had come home one evening with a new vinyl record player, announcing that the music that Matthew loved so dearly would sound the best when listened to on 7 and 12." That evening they had listened to Andres Segovia until dawn, wrapped in each other's arms on the couch as life happened around them. Peace and contentedness had filled their lives, neither feeling the urge to leave the rapture given by the other's embrace. But the feeling for Matthew had only been doubled the moment Evan had licked the shell of his ear to whisper that he was his soulmate.
Simple words, they were, bearing so much joy when laced with so much passion and honesty. Dominic had spoke his words with the same power and the same force, dictating each syllable with confident certainty. In the wake of the words, he had been left breathless.
It was then that he lifted his hand to rest atop Dominic's on his leg. "That," he sighed, "means more to me than you could possibly imagine. But..."
Blonde hairs swayed listlessly around Dominic's head as he shook it. "Why does there have to be a 'but,' Matt? Why isn't the fact that I want this enough?" The pain and lust in his words made Matthew's throat constrict.
He shut his eyes slowly as he spoke, his grip on Dominic's hand tightening. The skin was too soft to be human. "Because the fact remains that you didn't choose this. Tomorrow you could wake up and not want this at all. You could wake up and regret this, and...if we start this tonight..I'm not strong enough to let you go tomorrow."
"So don't!" Dominic explained, forcing Matthew to open his eyes. "I'm here and I want you. How many times do I have to say it?"
It was Matthew's turn to shake his head, messy dark locks falling around his eyes. "It has nothing to do with you saying it over and over. It's just..I don't want to rush into this and then have you realize that this isn't for you. It's not like you can fall into the arms of homosexuality and accept it. It's hard, Dom. This is going to be hard for you and I want you to be sure that you're ready."
Dominic absorbed the words before him as Matthew's heart beat rapidly in his chest. It was taking all of his self control not to reach forward up to Dominic's thigh, or move the hand on his leg to his groin.
"I feel like I've been ready from the second I saw you," Dominic said softly.
Emotion ripped from Matthew's chest, propelling him from his seat into Matthew's arms. He held the blonde tightly, as though wishing their flesh could use the heat of their desire to weld together. Fists clutching tightly to Dominic's shirt, he pressed his face into Dominic's neck and breathed. In the juncture of his shoulder and neck, Dominic's natural scent was positively overwhelming, a drug that forced his body into serious addiction.
"Can I stay here tonight? With you?" he heard Dominic whisper. The light touches of the blonde's hands down his spine were causing him to shake, soft finger tips making barely there shapes on his back.
"We can't..." Matthew drifted, the words becoming muffled in Dominic's skin. He felt the blonde shiver and smiled wickedly. He brought the tip of his tongue to tease the heated skin, mimicking the same lightness of Dom's fingers.
Dominic tightened his grip on Matthew as he left out a weak breath.
"No podemos hacer nada esta noche," Matthew whispered with a laugh, tongue punctuating each word with a short lick.
"Don't fucking tease me if you don't want me to make you mine tonight," Dominic whispered darkly into Matt's ear, blowing hot air around the shell as he spoke.
"Who said," Matthew whispered before licking a light strip up to Dominic's ear, "you would be the one doing the taking?" He finished his question by nibbling gently on the lobe, loving the sharp cry Dominic gave from the simple action.
He felt himself get pushed away, Dominic's arms holding him at arm's length. Gray eyes black, the same as they had been in the bathroom, stared gravely into his face. Breaths coming in uneven patterns, Matthew realized that his self control was slipping with each passing second.
"You are coming dangerously close to my limits, Matthew," Dominic said sternly.
Matthew nodded in kind, smiling at their brief flirtation. The hopeful, innocent in him prayed that these flirtations would continue into their intimate future, but he prevented himself from looking beyond the next twelve hours. He would only allow himself to calm when the morning came and Dominic was still there.
"I want you to stay tonight, Dom. It's just...I don't trust myself with you...in my bed." He had to be honest. If the blonde were to enter his bed, an infinite world of pleasure was opened to him and he refused to risk Dominic's state of mind for his own selfishness.
"That's fine," Dominc nodded, coming to stand. Matthew moved with him, unwilling to let his hand go. "I can stay on the couch."
Matthew lead him through the archway into the living room, begrudgingly letting go of his hand to retrieve blankets from the small hallway closet.
"I haven't used these in ages," Matthew said mindlessly to Dominic as he walked back into the living room. He stopped in his tracks as he caught sight of Dominic, the blonde staring wide eyed at his surroundings. "What?" Matthew asked.
"You finished this...the room, I mean." Dominic walked close to a bookshelf holding all of Matthew's books and records, inspecting each title before gazing around at the new decoration.
Guitars in their stands lined the floors, Bianca standing proud in the center. Pictures of Spain, blown up and framed lined the walls, not a hint of anyone but Matthew apparent in the room. To be frank, the brunet was proud of his design, loving the way the room calmed him and made him feel as though he had truly come home.
"You didn't think I would wait for you, did you?" Matthew joked, tossing the blankets on his new leather couch.
Dominic shrugged as he walked over to run a hand over the arm of the furniture. "Well, no...but, I mean -"
Matthew cut him off with a high pitched laugh. "Oh my lord, you did!"
"No! But it would have been fun to finish this together," Dominic explained.
With a sigh, Matthew moved to unfold a blanket, shaking it open as he debated if he should tell Dominic about his conversation with Vida. "It was something I had to do on my own," he said slowly. "There was too much Evan, and then you and our fight got painted into the wall somehow. Not physically, obviously, but the negative energy remained. I just needed to start making this place mine before I invited others in." He paraphrased what Vida had told him, smiling as he wondered if she would be proud of him for saying the words so strongly.
"That makes sense," Dominic said softly. "Matt..." he drifted.
"What?" Matthew dropped the blanket as a bottom sheet on the cushions, staring at Dominic.
"You keep asking me if I'm ready...but...are you?" Soft eyes gazed at him questioningly, as if searching Matthew for something the blonde couldn't place. "It's like...you were all upset over Evan and then...now you want me. Aren't we kind of in the same place?"
And there it was. The question Matthew had been dreading because he did not want to explain the prolonged length of his desire, the the countless nights he had spent in Spain dreaming that Dominic was his. How could he put words to the impossible way Dominic had saved him from the darkness he had forced himself into? He had no choice but to be honest.
"Dom," he quietly said as he looked away, fiddling with the edge of the blanket between his fingers. "You - you saved me from myself. But it isn't like I'm fixated on you because you came along when I needed you most. It's like...ok. Evan was good for me, perfect, and exactly what I needed at that certain point in my life. When everything was good between us, he was perfect. But I was blind to his flaws. I never saw him as anything else than sublime. But you...you weren't perfect. You were engaged, so I started telling myself that I wanted you because you because you were my rebound. But then I couldn't stop. And everything about you was wrong and flawed."
Dominic snorted. "Gee, thanks."
Matthew shook his head furiously. "No, I'm not explaining it well. Nothing about my desire for you was perfect or rational. And nothing about us could have ever been perfect. And that's why I started thinking that this was something bigger than I was ready for. Because I couldn't control myself around you. And I couldn't stop myself from thinking about you. I don't know what it is, but somehow you're more important to me than Evan ever was. It's like you've forced me to grow into something better, and even though we aren't simple and perfect, that's what makes how I feel about you real. Because...how deeply I feel about you was never meant to be easy in the first place."
During his verbal overflow, Matthew had stopped picking the blanket and had forced himself to stare into Dominic's face. He read every expression like a page in his favourite book, devouring it and committing it to memory to unpack its layers at a later date. Dominic, it seemed, was stunned, rendered speechless at the mere implication of what Matthew had said. And so, in the silence of the living room, Matthew surrendered himself to waiting and watching.
After several moments of silence, Dominic had processed Matthew's speech and developed a small question of his own.
"And...how exactly...do you feel?" he asked.
With a deep breath, Matthew spoke. "You told me that you worship me. Well, if I'm the icon of the practice, you're the savior about which the dogma was written."
Neither could bring themselves to speak for the rest of the evening, both terrified of confessing another layer of their feelings that contradicted their wishes to wait. Instead they took to watching television in the darkness, waiting until their eyes grew tired from the strain. On opposite sides of the couch they sat, trust in their limbs own personal control far below confident.
When Matthew lifted himself to go to bed, he left the living room with a heavy heart. All of him felt linked to Dominic, wishing instead to curl up at his side and sleep chastely in his embrace. The strength of his wish forced his body into an unnatural state of weight, causing him to use much effort to even make it to the hallway.
It certainly did not help when, behind him, a soft voice floated to his ears that threatened to break down every last wall of restraint he had spent the past few hours building for himself.
"Goodnight, Bells."