The Long Surrender: 11/??
Dec. 3rd, 2010 01:15 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lalalive23Title: The Long Surrender
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lalalive23
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG
Warning: Fluff and joy
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world gets turned upside down and nothing is ever the same again.
Feedback: Is awesome. I like it. Keep it coming?
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse. If I did, they sure as hell would not be let out of the naughty closet. I don't make money off this. If I did, I would be a rich lady and not distracting myself from writing an undergrad thesis that is somehow much bigger than I.
Note: I send an arsenal of beautiful men todolce_piccante , millionstar , and sunshine_173 for being bit readers, lovers, inspiration givers, cheerleaders and genuinely incredible friends. Shit week is over. It was the lowest point of my entire university career, I'm pretty sure. I did not, clearly, make my NaNo goal. But I used my Thanksgiving break to mentally vacate the world and think of my next plan of action. It took me a while to get back into this, but I refuse to rush this. If I tried to push through over the past few weeks, you would have notice a serious shift in quality. Hell, I even think this is still lacking. I didn't want to do that to you.
I know, know, I owe everyone comments and I'm doing that immediately after this is posted. My commenters, my flist loves, and my twitter ladies: if it weren't for you guys, I would have been in an even worse place over the past few weeks. You guys are actual heroes. Kisses to you all!
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10
Dominic was entirely convinced that several things had been burned into his skin, his mind, and his heart. Matthew was, of course, to blame for all of them and their heady combination left him feeling a dull ache in the days that passed after he left Matthew's flat. The evening held within it a flesh memory that he simply could not wash off or shake, and his efforts to erase it only made the shivers in his veins cling tightly to the goose-pimples they raised.
He had never meant to reach for Matthew so quickly, had never meant to hold him so closely or to breathe soft sighs into his mess of black hair. Had he known that the affect would serve as continual distraction, it was simply impossible to say if his actions would have been as reflexive as they had been. But with hesitancy or no, he would do it again in a heartbeat.
The embrace had left him feeling a myriad of emotions and, as he sorted through the complex mixture, he was unsure that he had ever felt such a deep sadness for another person in his life. Etched so carefully into his mind was the image of Matthew weeping, crumpled and helpless as his slight form shook with emotional agony. His skin crawled with the memory of the tears that dripped onto his arms, his lap, and soaked his shirt as a spring rain would have. Worse still were the sounds, the gasps and the small and broken whispers that Matthew released into the open air expecting no answer - expecting nothing at all.
There were things about Matthew that he did not know, things about his past that he had yet to open up about. Dominic refused to pressure him or to ask for an explanation, a background, anything to help him understand the situation better, but he could not stop mulling over Matthew's words. It was difficult, if not impossible, to believe that the split had been completely Matthew's fault. From his experience, separation from a lover usually meant both parties were at fault and, moving away from his own personal track record, he could only think of a few cases when one person could be clearly pinpointed. Evan, from what he understood, had simply given up after a series of selfish moments where he expected Matthew to change his dream for the sake of their relationship. Evan, from what he understood, got his dream job, the life he wanted, the money, and instead of attempting to help Matthew achieve his own passions, he backed away from their relationship, deeming Matthew unworthy of his affections.
To give up entirely on love is an overwhelmingly difficult choice, or at least it should have been. To walk away from someone you love, who still loves you deeply, without offering a second chance, or a third, or a fourth, leaves both persons with a canyon-like space to be filled with guilt and self-doubting. Dominic did not know if Evan had called Matthew, to question if he made the right choice, though he doubted he did. He did not know if Evan hurt as much as Matthew, or if he had detached himself from the relationship long ago and was simply waiting until a day when both he and a moving company were available.
All he knew, was that the self-doubt had begun to eat away at the hole in Matthew's heart; a caustic substance that was leaving marks on Matthew's ability to trust and love.
Tapping his pen on the pile of papers in front of him, he shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he regarded the work he simply had no desire to get through with ruefull eyes. It was exactly the reason he hardly took vacations, the will to fall back into the routine of phone calls and business meetings left in the tight skin he shed in preparation of relaxation. Spain, however, had not entirely accomplished the motive behind his reason for leaving. He had made the plans to find himself buried within the depths of his fiancee, barely leaving the hotel room and only doing so to prove that they had been there through pictures and food tasting. He instead found himself making room in his heart for a person he could not define his feelings for. Brotherly affection was what he should have been expecting, as with any new mate, but he knew completely that sort of feeling was hardly what he desired. While he had welcomed Matthew into his life with open arms, and would continue to do so, his heart was busy drawing lines between the musician and the woman who had previously taken residence there in an attempt to not compare them at all.
The buzz of his mobile brought him back to the present, his eyes blinking a few times to bring themselves back into focus.
<<You. Matthew. Studio @ 7?>>
Dominic smiled at Ian's text, the purpose for dragging Matthew from his isolated paradise coming to a head so quickly. Had Ian not agreed to seeing Matthew, he wondered how they would have parted and on what terms. The two weeks he spent with him and Julia felt as though they had always known each other, had always been friends, and it was difficult to picture life without him in London. He knew Julia felt the same. After telling her what happened at Matthew's flat she brought matthew chocolate and a home made meal, explaining that 'men can hardly cook as it is, broken hearts shouldn't live on take away menus.' Had Matthew stayed in Spain, he wondered if he would have found the will to return at all.
<<Sure thing.>> was his quick reply, only to feel it buzz once more. His brow furrowed, positive that Ian could not have received his text that quickly let alone have been able to reply.
The text was from Julia. <<I've got something special planned for tonight. Don't be late ;) xx>>
Dominic frowned, having just seconds before committed to a meeting with Ian. And then he caught himself, finding that he was frowning at the sight of her name on his phone more often. He tried not to focus on the reason.
<<Can't babe. Meeting with Ian and Matt tonight. Love you xx>>
He shoved his mobile back into his jacket pocket, once more continuing to idly tap his pen in a steady rhythm. Once more his mind turned to Matthew, though it was not of the fragile man he had cradled in his arms that was the focus of his distraction, it was how strange the flat itself had been.
From the moment he met Matthew, he felt as though he knew the interior decorating strategies the man practiced. The lifestyle he lead was undeniably clear and Dominic knew that it was reflected in Matthew's flat in Madrid. Often he had told Dominic of the sheet music lining the floor like tiles, Bianca placed proudly in the center of an empty room that was consumed entirely by music, sleep, and take away containers. What he found in London was a stark contrast to the flat he had come to imagine.
He had entered the flat under certain expectations of what he knew of Matthew, expecting an assortment of guitars along the walls, music spilling out of random places like the pages were trying to break free. He did not think it would be particularly messy, but he also did not expect it to be so intimately detailed. There was a clear colour scheme, comfortable couches, expensive looking furniture and a neatness that carried with it the echoes of comfortable entertaining. Placing Matthew in such a place skewed his vision of the man, adding another contradiction to his person. Though, as he thought longer on the subject, he could sense an artistic flair within the flat and came to the conclusion that the interior of the place was controlled entirely by Evan. No where in the patterns, the colour schemes, the placement of picture frames could he find a trace of the Matthew he had come to know.
It was always a dangerous thing to mull tirelessly over the facts and anecdotes one had over a failed relationship, as one would come to shocking conclusions that made seemingly perfect sense, though were no where near the reality of it all. Dominic knew he was doing this, taking every piece of information he knew of Evan and twisting him into a villain. It was childish, but he felt he was entirely in the right for doing so. He was not aware of how deeply Matthew was hurting, and though Dominic was aware that evan probably was, he quickly concluded that the man simply didn't care and he hated him more. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Dominic knew that was he was doing was illogical, that Evan had known Matthew far longer than he could even say he did, knew him better and on a passionate level. He was sure that he had seen Matthew hurt worse than this, the death of his parents taking precedence over the end of a relationship. But the logic only made him jealous, irrationally so, and to keep himself from focusing on the reasoning behind his jealously, he ignored all rationality and continued to scowl petulantly at the thought of Evan.
Once more, he felt his mobile vibrate gently against his hip. He knew it was Julia.
<<S'ok baby. See you tonight. Wish Matthew luck for me! xx>>
He smiled, pleased that she was so supportive, but he still felt guilty for ruining her surprise.
<<Surprise tomorrow night ok? xx>>
He stared at the words and in an inexplicable haste, deleted and replaced them.
<<Will do! Love you xx>> was sent off into the cyber text world, and he bit his lip, not remotely concerned with surprises or work.
Leaning back in his chair, Dominic held the memory of his quick rewording of the text, neither thinking about it nor seeking to forget it completely. He knew why he did it, though admitting it to himself meant unlocking parts of himself he was not fully prepared to deal with, meant investigating other emotions that he should not, and would not, let himself feel at that particular juncture in time. Instead, he focused his thoughts on what his night would hold.
The prospect of seeing Matthew again brought a smile to his face, the action itself becoming more frequent whenever the man's name appeared in his mind. It was an infectious thing, his name, carrying with it a meaning and a connection that seemed to resonate though Dom's bones. With a blush, he was reminded of the slip of his tongue, calling Matthew by the name 'Bells' as he held him in his arms. Being honest with himself, he was not sure why he let it slip at that particular moment. For several days he had been calling him that in his mind, the shortening of 'Bellamy' so easy and logical that it almost seemed ridiculous that he had not thought of it sooner. Dominic did, as he had told Matthew, pride himself on creating names for his mates that were either entirely original or unique. It as a talent he had developed during his days at sixth form, able to play around with and shape letters in names in such a way that it became an honor to receive a nickname from him. School children always take pride in the friendly action of receiving a nickname, the more creative the title, the higher the precedence one could assume over other mates. Once the trait had carried over to his uni days, the names became a sort of piss take among his flatmates and various girlfriends. With the girls, the names would only arrive after the brief courtship ended, the fantastic sex turning sour and both finding nothing of any real interest to discuss. While he should not have taken any sort of pride in the teasing, if not mean, names he had applied to the women, he could not help but smile at his creativity.
With Julia, he had not found it in him to create a nickname for her. Whether it was because he viewed their relationship to be at a maturity beyond the childish game he used to entertain himself with or he simply could not be bothered was a mystery to him. What confused him further was why he felt so compelled to apply one to the brunet, simply calling him 'Matt' not enough. Or perhaps, he thought briefly, not special enough.
Dominic knew he was treading dangerous ground the moment he started to ponder what made Matthew so deserving of a name than Julia, finding himself crossing the lines of comparisons again and stopping himself immediately. There was, in all honesty, no reason for Matthew to receive what used to be considered something of an honour from the blonde. But it would be a lie to say that the name was not a pet name, a name to be called in private or intimate situations. And, as Dominic realized that the name was just that, he opened a manilla folder for the first time during his work day, willing himself to not think about why Matthew received a pet name and Julia did not.
~~
Matthew stood nervously outside of Ian's studio, fumbling with his fingers as he waited for Dominic to arrive. It had not taken him very long to find the building, Dominic's directions incredibly detailed, including landmarks and the distance in kilometers. Their conversation over text had been uncharacteristically short and he knew well that it was due to the fact that Dominic was at work. Though, his paranoia ran rampant, wondering if it was because he had succeeded in sufficiently embarrassing himself the other day with his tears. Logic told him that it had nothing to do with the little scene, but his nerves and emotions were running haywire and backed him into a corner of insecurity.
He had been astonished when Julia had come to him the following morning, offering him a home cooked meal and some chocolate. The gesture was incredibly kind and he had not expected it from her at all. She was full of surprises, he was starting to realize, her kindness extraordinarily limitless which was to say the same for her capacity to love. In another universe, he would have easily found her to be his best friend, someone he knew he could trust. But it was because she possessed Dominic's heart so completely that he found himself needing to distance himself from her, as if she were the catalyst to spark his jealousy if he got too close.
While he knew that his mixed feelings were only natural, he did not want them to be so present in his mind. In truth, he had new reasons to be happy, new reasons to heal quickly, but it was the stifling presence of Evan in the flat that kept him from shedding his old skin to start a new. Dominic was correct in telling him that he needed to come to terms with the end of the relationship. As if it were a wound, he needed to cauterize the threads the break had left behind, prevent them from seeping further into his soul and blocking him from ever truly loving someone again. But he had no idea how to go about doing so when the terms of the break up had been so mysteriously unexplained. The argument of course had an a re-ocurring one, though the more he thought about it, he could not find a reason for it to abruptly end something he thought was strong enough to pull through.
From his perspective, if Evan had been struggling with pursuing his dream, he would have stood by him, asked nothing from him except love, and would have fought until the very end to keep him. To know that he was so tirelessly devoted to his lover made the sting of Evan's lack of returned affection hurt more, and, in this realization, made him feel as though Evan never loved him as deeply as he said he did.
"Hey! You found it!" Dominic's cheery voice broke him from his thoughts, the blonde walking towards him in a business suit. Matthew frowned at his attire.
"Am I under dressed or something? I can't really go home to change." He bit his lip with worry.
"What? No, no," Dominic chuckled. "I just left the office so I didn't go home to change."
Matthew breathed a sight of relief, though he did not release his lip. Instead he continued to suck and run his tongue along the flesh. Dom noticed his tension, his face softening as he brought a hand out to touch his shoulder.
"You ok?" Dom asked, concerned.
Matthew nodded hastily, releasing his lip to answer but nearly cringed at how wet and swollen it had become. "Yeah, just nervous is all. I dunno what I'll do if he doesn't think I'm good enough. I guess...that would mean going back to Spain or something."
"Don't say that," Dom said quickly, startling Matthew at the speed of his response. "He's going to love you, I'm sure of it."
Matthew offered a small smile. "Your optimism is lovely, but I have to be realistic."
"I am being realistic," Dom said simply. "He's going to love you. It's a fact."
"It must be wonderful to be you," Matthew chuckled as he bent to pick up his guitar, which rested in its hard shell case, "to just breeze through life thinking nothing can go wrong and everything is just dandy."
"Well," Dominic said raising his eyes to the sky as he held the door for Matthew, "things can go wrong. They just wont in this situation." He smiled as Matthew passed him to stand in the foyer, shutting the door and leading him down the hall to Ian's office. "Oh, and yes. It is wonderful to be me."
Matthew laughed at Dominic's back. "Cheeky," Matthew muttered.
He followed Dominic down a narrow hallway, walls lined with framed albums and autographed posters. While he barely recognized any of the names he read, the hallway was so ornately decorated with prestige that he wondered if he belonged there at all. Looking back at Dominic, he wondered how Dominic truly felt about his work, wondered if he was helping out of pity or actual interest. It was a silly thought, frankly, his trust in the blonde so very deeply instilled, though he still would never have imagined himself to be associated with such a well connected person.
A picture on the wall caught his eye, the last before the doorway that Dominic had entered. The photo featured Dominic standing proudly with his arm slung over a red headed man, a few inches shorter. What he lacked in height was made up for in bounds with his fluffy hair and bearded face. He was handsome, both smiling wide, clearly about to laugh. Each were holding a glass of wine, the redness of alcohol highlighting their cheeks. The longer he stared, the more he realized that Dominic was quite young, thinner but with a chubbier face. He smiled, feeling his heart warm at the sight. It was an interesting thing to realize, that his friend had gone from adorable youthfulness to sincerely charming and handsome adulthood.
With some hesitancy, he pulled away from the photo, entering the door to find Dominic talking with the redhead he had just seen in the picture. He backed away slightly, afraid he was interrupting their conversation. Brown eyes fixed on him, causing him to stand in place and intake a slight breath. He knew it was Ian, that he should introduce himself, that he should say something. But he found no sound to ease his voice out of his chest, and instead stood there with a blush on his cheeks as he cast his eyes to the ground.
"I take it you're Matthew," he heard Ian say. His voice was warm and kind, a soothing tone shimmering through that made Matthew feel welcome.
"Yeah," he replied, stepping forward to extend his hand. "Matt Bellamy. Pleasure to meet you."
"Ian Thompson," he said, standing to shake Matthew's hand with a smile. "The pleasure is all mine."
They briefly shook hands, Matthew taking note of Ian's firm yet friendly hold. Ian had gained no weight at all, still as thin and lanky as he appeared in the picture but his eyes were just as bright and his smile was just as gentle. If this was the man he was going to be working with, he was positive he would hardly be nervous at all.
"So," Ian sighed, pulling back to sit in his chair once more. "I was telling Dominic before that my only concern is that there might not be much I can do for you. Your sound is already perfect. From what I heard over the phone you sound like a genuine professional. I'm just wondering why you haven't been picked up by a label yet. You don't look like a particularly difficult guy."
Matthew nodded. "I think it's because my style of music isn't the easiest to market. I've had people tell me they're interested but whenever I would follow up with them, things never went anywhere. It was just a bunch of talk, you know?"
Ian let out a long hum and Matthew turned to look at Dominic, his face becoming worried again. Dominic gave him a reassuring smile, a smile that put every nerve he felt lingering in his bones at ease.
"Well," Ian began, "I'm not a label rep, so I can't do anything for distribution, marketing, album art, booking, press, etc. But, I can help you cut a killer demo. Have you recorded anything before?"
Excitement rippled through Matthew's body, settling in his stomach like a hurricane. "Once several years ago I recorded three songs on a home studio I made with garage band. They weren't very good so I didn't sell them or anything." To be fair, he had never been very technically savvy, the three song demo sounding excruciatingly lo-fi, but he felt the music stood on its own.
"Cool, ok," Ian nodded. "We're going to record a demo then. Can you play for me in the studio right now? I want to hear your sound, see how it is when it's plugged in."
"Of course! Wow," Matthew exclaimed, shock clearly evident on his face. "I wasn't expecting this to be so..." He drifted off, not entirely sure how he was going to finish the sentence. Dominic was there for him, however.
"Serious?" the blonde provided.
"Not serious, I don't know. It feels like it's moving quickly. Like people have more confidence in me than they should."
"You're too hard on yourself," Dominic said with a soft smile.
Ian got up form his desk, running a hand through his hair before moving to the door and leading the small group down the hall to the recording room. "You've got talent and I don't want to see that go to waste. If someone were to say you weren't good they'd either be deaf are talking out their arse. I think if you cut a really strong demo then you should be able to gain more attention with labels."
Matthew nodded as he followed, still in a haze of disbelief that Ian was willing to help him record a demo.
"Do you sing?" Ian asked, pulling out a pair of keys to unlock a door.
"Not really. I used to write lyrics to my songs but I never felt they worked well enough so I just stopped." The truth was that he never liked the sound of his voice, his insecurity preventing him from exploring his range any further than just two songs.
"What about that piano in your house?" Dominic asked. "You have an upright piano. Do you play?"
Matthew thought back to the piano pushed against his living room wall, the old instrument far out of tune and deprived of love. "I did, years ago. But Evan never really liked the sound of it as an instrument. We just kept it as some kind of decoration and I got seriously into guitar. It's quite sad really. I could probably play if I sat down and practiced enough. Dunno if I could compose on it, though."
Ian pulled the door open, revealing a large mixing booth and a studio behind a glass panel. Pristine, warmly lit, and yet so undeniably professional, Matthew felt out of place in such a well crafted control room. It felt like it was bigger than him, the music and the entire situation. He felt remarkably small, like he was facing a giant.
"It's ok if you don't play piano," Ian said, moving to sit in the plush chair in front of the sound desk. "It would be easier to market the demo if you sang, though. Can you play me two songs, one with vocals and one without?" He fixed his gentle eyes on Matthew, and suddenly he felt it would be impossible to say no.
"Sure," he said shakily. "I don't think the vocals will be any good though."
Ian laughed. "It's ok. Don't worry about it. I just want to see what we can work with. There's a stool in the studio you can sit on. Don't be nervous, just play like we aren't here"
Matthew nodded and turned to Dominic, the blonde's bright smile sending a bolt of warmth to his toes. His grey eyes contained so many emotions that matthew was spellbound for a moment. In the irises he found pride, trust, reassurance, and affinity; proof that if anything went wrong, Dominic would still be there for him.
It was that look that sent Matthew into the studio with confidence, pulling Bianca out of her shell to sit on the stool as he would at any other show. He heard the sound of a click and Ian nodded at him that they were ready whenever he was. Matthew decided he would start with his instrumental piece first, not exactly excited about having to improvise vocals at the last minute. Closing his eyes, he let his fingers do the work, his head falling back as he exhaled a deep breath. He beat his hand against the body of the guitar, keeping a steady rhythm in time with his up tempo strums. His body started to sway, as it usually did, a smile creeping onto his lips as he played the song that reminded him most of Dominic.
It had been several days since the song had come to the forefront of his mind, sitting in his brain just begging to be worked out. It was an expression of everything he felt when Dominic was near, everything he used to feel when Evan was near and in that way, it carried a melancholic tone. The song itself was his secret, just like the strain that rested on the fret board like a filthy promise of what could have been true in a different universe.
Too soon the song came to an end, his eyes opening to peer at Ian and Dominic. Ian had rested his head in his palm, his eyes boring holes into Matthew's face. Neither man said anything, Dominic just smiling as Ian stared.
Matthew brought his eyes down to Bianca, pressing her tightly against himself completely unsure of how to take Ian's silence. He pressed on, moving into the next song without asking if it were ok or if he should wait. He started a simple melody, not wanting to embarrass himself with his horrible vocals. For a different reason, he closed his eyes. It would be unbearable to see the cringing faces of people who held his future in the palm of their hands. For a moment, it shocked him, having put Dominic into the category when now it was entirely up to Ian. But he would be lying if he said he didn't want Dominic to be a permanent fixture in his definition of forever, so he lumped the blonde with the studio owner.
Feeling that it was now or never, he opened his mouth to hum a few whispered words in Spanish, following the melody of his fingers with delicate insecurity. Knowing that it would be hard to tolerate an entire song of whispering, he brought his voice to a normal level, cringing at the sound of his almost falsetto sound. If he was going to embarrass himself, he figured, he would at least have fun with it. Moving from what could be considered a verse to the chorus, he changed the rhythm of his words, no longer following the melody and instead making a harmony of what he could. He knew little music theory, but he was aware that his lyrics and music were flowing in a cross-rhythm and he was completely unsure if that sound was appealing at all. He surrendered himself to the sound, going with what his heart felt was the correct choice in the moment and wondered briefly if he should ever consider trying to lyrically improvise more often.
He found a suitable place to end, finishing the song with a furious strum and brought his shy eyes back to the control room window. Dominic was no where to be found and his heart plummeted. he must have been awfully terrible for Dominic to leave. Bringing his eyes to the floor, he briefly registered that Ian had also remained unchanged and fought the urge not to cry.
"Can you come in on Saturday?" he heard Ian ask over the intercom.
Matthew merely nodded, afraid that if he looked back at the redhead, his tears would refuse to be withheld .
"Ok. We start recording on Saturday morning at 11," was Ian's simple reply.
"Wait, what?" Matthew exclaimed, snapping his head to look back at Ian. The redhead was smiling brightly and Matthew was unsure if he had heard him at all. He lifted himself from the stool and pushed open the door to the control room. "What?" he repeated.
"You have some extraordinary talent, mate," Ian said in a bewildered disbelief. "You do know I barely had to touch any kind of level or ask you to stop? You're like a one take wonder. Was any of that planned?"
Matthew blushed. "Well the first song is something I've only been toying with for a few days, but the second song was entirely off the seat of my pants."
"Well, my advice to you is that you write more songs with lyrics. Your voice is unlike anything I've ever heard before. And if that's improvising for you, I don't even want to know what you're like when you've had something rehearsed for ages. I feel like you could make one hell of a demo, hell, it won't even sound like a demo." Ian was laughing and shaking his head as he shut down all his equipment, his eyes wide with childish wonder.
"Seriously?" Matthew bounced. "I don't know what...I can't....thank you," he said finally.
"I can't believe you have all this talent and you've been sitting around Spain. That seriously blows my mind. I have a few connections to labels I can give your name to, and a few owe me a favor. I'll do my best for you, mate," Ian said with a smile.
As terribly exciting as the news was, Matthew knew that studio recording time came at a hefty price and he was completely unsure he could continue to record when his funds were already limited. "Uhm," Matthew said scratching the back of his neck. "How much is the studio time going to cost? Can we do this in a certain amount of days? I don't really have that much money to be extravagant."
Ian waved him off. "Don't worry about that. It's one of the few favours I owe Dom and I really would hate to see this fall apart just because you can't afford a session of recording time."
Matthew was shocked. "I can't do that. Please, I have to do something. That's practically stealing."
Ian laughed. "I'm telling you it's fine. Though, if you don't mind me asking, how were you making money if you weren't selling demos or merch?"
Matthew sighed, feeling a bit ashamed of himself. "When I was living in London I worked at a library in circulation, and then when I moved to Spain I was an English language tutor."
Ian nodded. "I see. That's cool that you were a tutor. I'm bloody rubbish with languages. Can't wrap my head around them."
Matthew chuckled. "Well, you have this. I can't wrap my head around technology. It's a language in its own right."
"That is an absolute fact," Ian said in agreement. "I'll see you Saturday, alright?"
"Yeah," Matthew said in an excited sigh. "Cheers, mate." He walked back into the studio, packing up his guitar and leaving with a wave to Ian. He felt like he was floating, like he could practically levitate home. The only thing that brought him down was Dominic's disappearance. It was silly of him to want the blonde's approval so deeply but it was becoming a natural urge of his to impress the man, to please him and forever keep that brilliant smile outside his face.
As he exited the studio, he found Dominic leaning against the wall of the building, his expression stoic and his breathing coming in relatively uneven patterns. Matthew furrowed his brow, concerned about the other man's state.
"Dom, you ok?" he asked softly.
Dom whipped his head to face Matthew, his eyes briefly burning with an emotion he could not place before his face broke out into a smile. "So, what's the verdict?" he asked.
Matthew let out a shallow laugh, still concerned about Dom's apparent mood swing. "He loved it," he replied, his excitement coming back into his speech. "Wants to start recording on Saturday."
Dominic let out a high pitched laugh that practically sparked with glee, the blonde coming to pull Matthew into a very tight hug. "I knew he would love it, Bells."
Once more, the name set Matthew's heart to soaring. He wrapped his arms tightly around the blonde, his face turning into the blonde's neck due to the height difference. It was comfortable, warm and felt entirely too good for Matthew's taste. He breathed gently into Dom's neck, inhaling the scent of his cologne and shampoo, the smells burning into his memory for eternity. Chest to chest, he could feel Dominic breathing evenly, the embrace seeming to soothe his unease almost instantly. Warm huffs came from Dom's nose to Matthew's hair, and he nearly chuckled as he felt the strands moving in the little breeze.
It was difficult to say who stepped away first, but it was poignantly clear that neither wanted to. Gravity seemed to pull them closer and, as Matthew attempted to step away completely, he was sure he could hear Dom release a small whimper. It was a sound that Matthew was positive he would take to bed with him that night, and ever night thereafter.
Author:
lalalive23 Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG
Warning: Fluff and joy
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world gets turned upside down and nothing is ever the same again.
Feedback: Is awesome. I like it. Keep it coming?
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse. If I did, they sure as hell would not be let out of the naughty closet. I don't make money off this. If I did, I would be a rich lady and not distracting myself from writing an undergrad thesis that is somehow much bigger than I.
Note: I send an arsenal of beautiful men to
dolce_piccante , millionstar , and sunshine_173 for being bit readers, lovers, inspiration givers, cheerleaders and genuinely incredible friends. Shit week is over. It was the lowest point of my entire university career, I'm pretty sure. I did not, clearly, make my NaNo goal. But I used my Thanksgiving break to mentally vacate the world and think of my next plan of action. It took me a while to get back into this, but I refuse to rush this. If I tried to push through over the past few weeks, you would have notice a serious shift in quality. Hell, I even think this is still lacking. I didn't want to do that to you. I know, know, I owe everyone comments and I'm doing that immediately after this is posted. My commenters, my flist loves, and my twitter ladies: if it weren't for you guys, I would have been in an even worse place over the past few weeks. You guys are actual heroes. Kisses to you all!
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10
Dominic was entirely convinced that several things had been burned into his skin, his mind, and his heart. Matthew was, of course, to blame for all of them and their heady combination left him feeling a dull ache in the days that passed after he left Matthew's flat. The evening held within it a flesh memory that he simply could not wash off or shake, and his efforts to erase it only made the shivers in his veins cling tightly to the goose-pimples they raised.
He had never meant to reach for Matthew so quickly, had never meant to hold him so closely or to breathe soft sighs into his mess of black hair. Had he known that the affect would serve as continual distraction, it was simply impossible to say if his actions would have been as reflexive as they had been. But with hesitancy or no, he would do it again in a heartbeat.
The embrace had left him feeling a myriad of emotions and, as he sorted through the complex mixture, he was unsure that he had ever felt such a deep sadness for another person in his life. Etched so carefully into his mind was the image of Matthew weeping, crumpled and helpless as his slight form shook with emotional agony. His skin crawled with the memory of the tears that dripped onto his arms, his lap, and soaked his shirt as a spring rain would have. Worse still were the sounds, the gasps and the small and broken whispers that Matthew released into the open air expecting no answer - expecting nothing at all.
There were things about Matthew that he did not know, things about his past that he had yet to open up about. Dominic refused to pressure him or to ask for an explanation, a background, anything to help him understand the situation better, but he could not stop mulling over Matthew's words. It was difficult, if not impossible, to believe that the split had been completely Matthew's fault. From his experience, separation from a lover usually meant both parties were at fault and, moving away from his own personal track record, he could only think of a few cases when one person could be clearly pinpointed. Evan, from what he understood, had simply given up after a series of selfish moments where he expected Matthew to change his dream for the sake of their relationship. Evan, from what he understood, got his dream job, the life he wanted, the money, and instead of attempting to help Matthew achieve his own passions, he backed away from their relationship, deeming Matthew unworthy of his affections.
To give up entirely on love is an overwhelmingly difficult choice, or at least it should have been. To walk away from someone you love, who still loves you deeply, without offering a second chance, or a third, or a fourth, leaves both persons with a canyon-like space to be filled with guilt and self-doubting. Dominic did not know if Evan had called Matthew, to question if he made the right choice, though he doubted he did. He did not know if Evan hurt as much as Matthew, or if he had detached himself from the relationship long ago and was simply waiting until a day when both he and a moving company were available.
All he knew, was that the self-doubt had begun to eat away at the hole in Matthew's heart; a caustic substance that was leaving marks on Matthew's ability to trust and love.
Tapping his pen on the pile of papers in front of him, he shifted uncomfortably in his chair as he regarded the work he simply had no desire to get through with ruefull eyes. It was exactly the reason he hardly took vacations, the will to fall back into the routine of phone calls and business meetings left in the tight skin he shed in preparation of relaxation. Spain, however, had not entirely accomplished the motive behind his reason for leaving. He had made the plans to find himself buried within the depths of his fiancee, barely leaving the hotel room and only doing so to prove that they had been there through pictures and food tasting. He instead found himself making room in his heart for a person he could not define his feelings for. Brotherly affection was what he should have been expecting, as with any new mate, but he knew completely that sort of feeling was hardly what he desired. While he had welcomed Matthew into his life with open arms, and would continue to do so, his heart was busy drawing lines between the musician and the woman who had previously taken residence there in an attempt to not compare them at all.
The buzz of his mobile brought him back to the present, his eyes blinking a few times to bring themselves back into focus.
<<You. Matthew. Studio @ 7?>>
Dominic smiled at Ian's text, the purpose for dragging Matthew from his isolated paradise coming to a head so quickly. Had Ian not agreed to seeing Matthew, he wondered how they would have parted and on what terms. The two weeks he spent with him and Julia felt as though they had always known each other, had always been friends, and it was difficult to picture life without him in London. He knew Julia felt the same. After telling her what happened at Matthew's flat she brought matthew chocolate and a home made meal, explaining that 'men can hardly cook as it is, broken hearts shouldn't live on take away menus.' Had Matthew stayed in Spain, he wondered if he would have found the will to return at all.
<<Sure thing.>> was his quick reply, only to feel it buzz once more. His brow furrowed, positive that Ian could not have received his text that quickly let alone have been able to reply.
The text was from Julia. <<I've got something special planned for tonight. Don't be late ;) xx>>
Dominic frowned, having just seconds before committed to a meeting with Ian. And then he caught himself, finding that he was frowning at the sight of her name on his phone more often. He tried not to focus on the reason.
<<Can't babe. Meeting with Ian and Matt tonight. Love you xx>>
He shoved his mobile back into his jacket pocket, once more continuing to idly tap his pen in a steady rhythm. Once more his mind turned to Matthew, though it was not of the fragile man he had cradled in his arms that was the focus of his distraction, it was how strange the flat itself had been.
From the moment he met Matthew, he felt as though he knew the interior decorating strategies the man practiced. The lifestyle he lead was undeniably clear and Dominic knew that it was reflected in Matthew's flat in Madrid. Often he had told Dominic of the sheet music lining the floor like tiles, Bianca placed proudly in the center of an empty room that was consumed entirely by music, sleep, and take away containers. What he found in London was a stark contrast to the flat he had come to imagine.
He had entered the flat under certain expectations of what he knew of Matthew, expecting an assortment of guitars along the walls, music spilling out of random places like the pages were trying to break free. He did not think it would be particularly messy, but he also did not expect it to be so intimately detailed. There was a clear colour scheme, comfortable couches, expensive looking furniture and a neatness that carried with it the echoes of comfortable entertaining. Placing Matthew in such a place skewed his vision of the man, adding another contradiction to his person. Though, as he thought longer on the subject, he could sense an artistic flair within the flat and came to the conclusion that the interior of the place was controlled entirely by Evan. No where in the patterns, the colour schemes, the placement of picture frames could he find a trace of the Matthew he had come to know.
It was always a dangerous thing to mull tirelessly over the facts and anecdotes one had over a failed relationship, as one would come to shocking conclusions that made seemingly perfect sense, though were no where near the reality of it all. Dominic knew he was doing this, taking every piece of information he knew of Evan and twisting him into a villain. It was childish, but he felt he was entirely in the right for doing so. He was not aware of how deeply Matthew was hurting, and though Dominic was aware that evan probably was, he quickly concluded that the man simply didn't care and he hated him more. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Dominic knew that was he was doing was illogical, that Evan had known Matthew far longer than he could even say he did, knew him better and on a passionate level. He was sure that he had seen Matthew hurt worse than this, the death of his parents taking precedence over the end of a relationship. But the logic only made him jealous, irrationally so, and to keep himself from focusing on the reasoning behind his jealously, he ignored all rationality and continued to scowl petulantly at the thought of Evan.
Once more, he felt his mobile vibrate gently against his hip. He knew it was Julia.
<<S'ok baby. See you tonight. Wish Matthew luck for me! xx>>
He smiled, pleased that she was so supportive, but he still felt guilty for ruining her surprise.
<<Surprise tomorrow night ok? xx>>
He stared at the words and in an inexplicable haste, deleted and replaced them.
<<Will do! Love you xx>> was sent off into the cyber text world, and he bit his lip, not remotely concerned with surprises or work.
Leaning back in his chair, Dominic held the memory of his quick rewording of the text, neither thinking about it nor seeking to forget it completely. He knew why he did it, though admitting it to himself meant unlocking parts of himself he was not fully prepared to deal with, meant investigating other emotions that he should not, and would not, let himself feel at that particular juncture in time. Instead, he focused his thoughts on what his night would hold.
The prospect of seeing Matthew again brought a smile to his face, the action itself becoming more frequent whenever the man's name appeared in his mind. It was an infectious thing, his name, carrying with it a meaning and a connection that seemed to resonate though Dom's bones. With a blush, he was reminded of the slip of his tongue, calling Matthew by the name 'Bells' as he held him in his arms. Being honest with himself, he was not sure why he let it slip at that particular moment. For several days he had been calling him that in his mind, the shortening of 'Bellamy' so easy and logical that it almost seemed ridiculous that he had not thought of it sooner. Dominic did, as he had told Matthew, pride himself on creating names for his mates that were either entirely original or unique. It as a talent he had developed during his days at sixth form, able to play around with and shape letters in names in such a way that it became an honor to receive a nickname from him. School children always take pride in the friendly action of receiving a nickname, the more creative the title, the higher the precedence one could assume over other mates. Once the trait had carried over to his uni days, the names became a sort of piss take among his flatmates and various girlfriends. With the girls, the names would only arrive after the brief courtship ended, the fantastic sex turning sour and both finding nothing of any real interest to discuss. While he should not have taken any sort of pride in the teasing, if not mean, names he had applied to the women, he could not help but smile at his creativity.
With Julia, he had not found it in him to create a nickname for her. Whether it was because he viewed their relationship to be at a maturity beyond the childish game he used to entertain himself with or he simply could not be bothered was a mystery to him. What confused him further was why he felt so compelled to apply one to the brunet, simply calling him 'Matt' not enough. Or perhaps, he thought briefly, not special enough.
Dominic knew he was treading dangerous ground the moment he started to ponder what made Matthew so deserving of a name than Julia, finding himself crossing the lines of comparisons again and stopping himself immediately. There was, in all honesty, no reason for Matthew to receive what used to be considered something of an honour from the blonde. But it would be a lie to say that the name was not a pet name, a name to be called in private or intimate situations. And, as Dominic realized that the name was just that, he opened a manilla folder for the first time during his work day, willing himself to not think about why Matthew received a pet name and Julia did not.
~~
Matthew stood nervously outside of Ian's studio, fumbling with his fingers as he waited for Dominic to arrive. It had not taken him very long to find the building, Dominic's directions incredibly detailed, including landmarks and the distance in kilometers. Their conversation over text had been uncharacteristically short and he knew well that it was due to the fact that Dominic was at work. Though, his paranoia ran rampant, wondering if it was because he had succeeded in sufficiently embarrassing himself the other day with his tears. Logic told him that it had nothing to do with the little scene, but his nerves and emotions were running haywire and backed him into a corner of insecurity.
He had been astonished when Julia had come to him the following morning, offering him a home cooked meal and some chocolate. The gesture was incredibly kind and he had not expected it from her at all. She was full of surprises, he was starting to realize, her kindness extraordinarily limitless which was to say the same for her capacity to love. In another universe, he would have easily found her to be his best friend, someone he knew he could trust. But it was because she possessed Dominic's heart so completely that he found himself needing to distance himself from her, as if she were the catalyst to spark his jealousy if he got too close.
While he knew that his mixed feelings were only natural, he did not want them to be so present in his mind. In truth, he had new reasons to be happy, new reasons to heal quickly, but it was the stifling presence of Evan in the flat that kept him from shedding his old skin to start a new. Dominic was correct in telling him that he needed to come to terms with the end of the relationship. As if it were a wound, he needed to cauterize the threads the break had left behind, prevent them from seeping further into his soul and blocking him from ever truly loving someone again. But he had no idea how to go about doing so when the terms of the break up had been so mysteriously unexplained. The argument of course had an a re-ocurring one, though the more he thought about it, he could not find a reason for it to abruptly end something he thought was strong enough to pull through.
From his perspective, if Evan had been struggling with pursuing his dream, he would have stood by him, asked nothing from him except love, and would have fought until the very end to keep him. To know that he was so tirelessly devoted to his lover made the sting of Evan's lack of returned affection hurt more, and, in this realization, made him feel as though Evan never loved him as deeply as he said he did.
"Hey! You found it!" Dominic's cheery voice broke him from his thoughts, the blonde walking towards him in a business suit. Matthew frowned at his attire.
"Am I under dressed or something? I can't really go home to change." He bit his lip with worry.
"What? No, no," Dominic chuckled. "I just left the office so I didn't go home to change."
Matthew breathed a sight of relief, though he did not release his lip. Instead he continued to suck and run his tongue along the flesh. Dom noticed his tension, his face softening as he brought a hand out to touch his shoulder.
"You ok?" Dom asked, concerned.
Matthew nodded hastily, releasing his lip to answer but nearly cringed at how wet and swollen it had become. "Yeah, just nervous is all. I dunno what I'll do if he doesn't think I'm good enough. I guess...that would mean going back to Spain or something."
"Don't say that," Dom said quickly, startling Matthew at the speed of his response. "He's going to love you, I'm sure of it."
Matthew offered a small smile. "Your optimism is lovely, but I have to be realistic."
"I am being realistic," Dom said simply. "He's going to love you. It's a fact."
"It must be wonderful to be you," Matthew chuckled as he bent to pick up his guitar, which rested in its hard shell case, "to just breeze through life thinking nothing can go wrong and everything is just dandy."
"Well," Dominic said raising his eyes to the sky as he held the door for Matthew, "things can go wrong. They just wont in this situation." He smiled as Matthew passed him to stand in the foyer, shutting the door and leading him down the hall to Ian's office. "Oh, and yes. It is wonderful to be me."
Matthew laughed at Dominic's back. "Cheeky," Matthew muttered.
He followed Dominic down a narrow hallway, walls lined with framed albums and autographed posters. While he barely recognized any of the names he read, the hallway was so ornately decorated with prestige that he wondered if he belonged there at all. Looking back at Dominic, he wondered how Dominic truly felt about his work, wondered if he was helping out of pity or actual interest. It was a silly thought, frankly, his trust in the blonde so very deeply instilled, though he still would never have imagined himself to be associated with such a well connected person.
A picture on the wall caught his eye, the last before the doorway that Dominic had entered. The photo featured Dominic standing proudly with his arm slung over a red headed man, a few inches shorter. What he lacked in height was made up for in bounds with his fluffy hair and bearded face. He was handsome, both smiling wide, clearly about to laugh. Each were holding a glass of wine, the redness of alcohol highlighting their cheeks. The longer he stared, the more he realized that Dominic was quite young, thinner but with a chubbier face. He smiled, feeling his heart warm at the sight. It was an interesting thing to realize, that his friend had gone from adorable youthfulness to sincerely charming and handsome adulthood.
With some hesitancy, he pulled away from the photo, entering the door to find Dominic talking with the redhead he had just seen in the picture. He backed away slightly, afraid he was interrupting their conversation. Brown eyes fixed on him, causing him to stand in place and intake a slight breath. He knew it was Ian, that he should introduce himself, that he should say something. But he found no sound to ease his voice out of his chest, and instead stood there with a blush on his cheeks as he cast his eyes to the ground.
"I take it you're Matthew," he heard Ian say. His voice was warm and kind, a soothing tone shimmering through that made Matthew feel welcome.
"Yeah," he replied, stepping forward to extend his hand. "Matt Bellamy. Pleasure to meet you."
"Ian Thompson," he said, standing to shake Matthew's hand with a smile. "The pleasure is all mine."
They briefly shook hands, Matthew taking note of Ian's firm yet friendly hold. Ian had gained no weight at all, still as thin and lanky as he appeared in the picture but his eyes were just as bright and his smile was just as gentle. If this was the man he was going to be working with, he was positive he would hardly be nervous at all.
"So," Ian sighed, pulling back to sit in his chair once more. "I was telling Dominic before that my only concern is that there might not be much I can do for you. Your sound is already perfect. From what I heard over the phone you sound like a genuine professional. I'm just wondering why you haven't been picked up by a label yet. You don't look like a particularly difficult guy."
Matthew nodded. "I think it's because my style of music isn't the easiest to market. I've had people tell me they're interested but whenever I would follow up with them, things never went anywhere. It was just a bunch of talk, you know?"
Ian let out a long hum and Matthew turned to look at Dominic, his face becoming worried again. Dominic gave him a reassuring smile, a smile that put every nerve he felt lingering in his bones at ease.
"Well," Ian began, "I'm not a label rep, so I can't do anything for distribution, marketing, album art, booking, press, etc. But, I can help you cut a killer demo. Have you recorded anything before?"
Excitement rippled through Matthew's body, settling in his stomach like a hurricane. "Once several years ago I recorded three songs on a home studio I made with garage band. They weren't very good so I didn't sell them or anything." To be fair, he had never been very technically savvy, the three song demo sounding excruciatingly lo-fi, but he felt the music stood on its own.
"Cool, ok," Ian nodded. "We're going to record a demo then. Can you play for me in the studio right now? I want to hear your sound, see how it is when it's plugged in."
"Of course! Wow," Matthew exclaimed, shock clearly evident on his face. "I wasn't expecting this to be so..." He drifted off, not entirely sure how he was going to finish the sentence. Dominic was there for him, however.
"Serious?" the blonde provided.
"Not serious, I don't know. It feels like it's moving quickly. Like people have more confidence in me than they should."
"You're too hard on yourself," Dominic said with a soft smile.
Ian got up form his desk, running a hand through his hair before moving to the door and leading the small group down the hall to the recording room. "You've got talent and I don't want to see that go to waste. If someone were to say you weren't good they'd either be deaf are talking out their arse. I think if you cut a really strong demo then you should be able to gain more attention with labels."
Matthew nodded as he followed, still in a haze of disbelief that Ian was willing to help him record a demo.
"Do you sing?" Ian asked, pulling out a pair of keys to unlock a door.
"Not really. I used to write lyrics to my songs but I never felt they worked well enough so I just stopped." The truth was that he never liked the sound of his voice, his insecurity preventing him from exploring his range any further than just two songs.
"What about that piano in your house?" Dominic asked. "You have an upright piano. Do you play?"
Matthew thought back to the piano pushed against his living room wall, the old instrument far out of tune and deprived of love. "I did, years ago. But Evan never really liked the sound of it as an instrument. We just kept it as some kind of decoration and I got seriously into guitar. It's quite sad really. I could probably play if I sat down and practiced enough. Dunno if I could compose on it, though."
Ian pulled the door open, revealing a large mixing booth and a studio behind a glass panel. Pristine, warmly lit, and yet so undeniably professional, Matthew felt out of place in such a well crafted control room. It felt like it was bigger than him, the music and the entire situation. He felt remarkably small, like he was facing a giant.
"It's ok if you don't play piano," Ian said, moving to sit in the plush chair in front of the sound desk. "It would be easier to market the demo if you sang, though. Can you play me two songs, one with vocals and one without?" He fixed his gentle eyes on Matthew, and suddenly he felt it would be impossible to say no.
"Sure," he said shakily. "I don't think the vocals will be any good though."
Ian laughed. "It's ok. Don't worry about it. I just want to see what we can work with. There's a stool in the studio you can sit on. Don't be nervous, just play like we aren't here"
Matthew nodded and turned to Dominic, the blonde's bright smile sending a bolt of warmth to his toes. His grey eyes contained so many emotions that matthew was spellbound for a moment. In the irises he found pride, trust, reassurance, and affinity; proof that if anything went wrong, Dominic would still be there for him.
It was that look that sent Matthew into the studio with confidence, pulling Bianca out of her shell to sit on the stool as he would at any other show. He heard the sound of a click and Ian nodded at him that they were ready whenever he was. Matthew decided he would start with his instrumental piece first, not exactly excited about having to improvise vocals at the last minute. Closing his eyes, he let his fingers do the work, his head falling back as he exhaled a deep breath. He beat his hand against the body of the guitar, keeping a steady rhythm in time with his up tempo strums. His body started to sway, as it usually did, a smile creeping onto his lips as he played the song that reminded him most of Dominic.
It had been several days since the song had come to the forefront of his mind, sitting in his brain just begging to be worked out. It was an expression of everything he felt when Dominic was near, everything he used to feel when Evan was near and in that way, it carried a melancholic tone. The song itself was his secret, just like the strain that rested on the fret board like a filthy promise of what could have been true in a different universe.
Too soon the song came to an end, his eyes opening to peer at Ian and Dominic. Ian had rested his head in his palm, his eyes boring holes into Matthew's face. Neither man said anything, Dominic just smiling as Ian stared.
Matthew brought his eyes down to Bianca, pressing her tightly against himself completely unsure of how to take Ian's silence. He pressed on, moving into the next song without asking if it were ok or if he should wait. He started a simple melody, not wanting to embarrass himself with his horrible vocals. For a different reason, he closed his eyes. It would be unbearable to see the cringing faces of people who held his future in the palm of their hands. For a moment, it shocked him, having put Dominic into the category when now it was entirely up to Ian. But he would be lying if he said he didn't want Dominic to be a permanent fixture in his definition of forever, so he lumped the blonde with the studio owner.
Feeling that it was now or never, he opened his mouth to hum a few whispered words in Spanish, following the melody of his fingers with delicate insecurity. Knowing that it would be hard to tolerate an entire song of whispering, he brought his voice to a normal level, cringing at the sound of his almost falsetto sound. If he was going to embarrass himself, he figured, he would at least have fun with it. Moving from what could be considered a verse to the chorus, he changed the rhythm of his words, no longer following the melody and instead making a harmony of what he could. He knew little music theory, but he was aware that his lyrics and music were flowing in a cross-rhythm and he was completely unsure if that sound was appealing at all. He surrendered himself to the sound, going with what his heart felt was the correct choice in the moment and wondered briefly if he should ever consider trying to lyrically improvise more often.
He found a suitable place to end, finishing the song with a furious strum and brought his shy eyes back to the control room window. Dominic was no where to be found and his heart plummeted. he must have been awfully terrible for Dominic to leave. Bringing his eyes to the floor, he briefly registered that Ian had also remained unchanged and fought the urge not to cry.
"Can you come in on Saturday?" he heard Ian ask over the intercom.
Matthew merely nodded, afraid that if he looked back at the redhead, his tears would refuse to be withheld .
"Ok. We start recording on Saturday morning at 11," was Ian's simple reply.
"Wait, what?" Matthew exclaimed, snapping his head to look back at Ian. The redhead was smiling brightly and Matthew was unsure if he had heard him at all. He lifted himself from the stool and pushed open the door to the control room. "What?" he repeated.
"You have some extraordinary talent, mate," Ian said in a bewildered disbelief. "You do know I barely had to touch any kind of level or ask you to stop? You're like a one take wonder. Was any of that planned?"
Matthew blushed. "Well the first song is something I've only been toying with for a few days, but the second song was entirely off the seat of my pants."
"Well, my advice to you is that you write more songs with lyrics. Your voice is unlike anything I've ever heard before. And if that's improvising for you, I don't even want to know what you're like when you've had something rehearsed for ages. I feel like you could make one hell of a demo, hell, it won't even sound like a demo." Ian was laughing and shaking his head as he shut down all his equipment, his eyes wide with childish wonder.
"Seriously?" Matthew bounced. "I don't know what...I can't....thank you," he said finally.
"I can't believe you have all this talent and you've been sitting around Spain. That seriously blows my mind. I have a few connections to labels I can give your name to, and a few owe me a favor. I'll do my best for you, mate," Ian said with a smile.
As terribly exciting as the news was, Matthew knew that studio recording time came at a hefty price and he was completely unsure he could continue to record when his funds were already limited. "Uhm," Matthew said scratching the back of his neck. "How much is the studio time going to cost? Can we do this in a certain amount of days? I don't really have that much money to be extravagant."
Ian waved him off. "Don't worry about that. It's one of the few favours I owe Dom and I really would hate to see this fall apart just because you can't afford a session of recording time."
Matthew was shocked. "I can't do that. Please, I have to do something. That's practically stealing."
Ian laughed. "I'm telling you it's fine. Though, if you don't mind me asking, how were you making money if you weren't selling demos or merch?"
Matthew sighed, feeling a bit ashamed of himself. "When I was living in London I worked at a library in circulation, and then when I moved to Spain I was an English language tutor."
Ian nodded. "I see. That's cool that you were a tutor. I'm bloody rubbish with languages. Can't wrap my head around them."
Matthew chuckled. "Well, you have this. I can't wrap my head around technology. It's a language in its own right."
"That is an absolute fact," Ian said in agreement. "I'll see you Saturday, alright?"
"Yeah," Matthew said in an excited sigh. "Cheers, mate." He walked back into the studio, packing up his guitar and leaving with a wave to Ian. He felt like he was floating, like he could practically levitate home. The only thing that brought him down was Dominic's disappearance. It was silly of him to want the blonde's approval so deeply but it was becoming a natural urge of his to impress the man, to please him and forever keep that brilliant smile outside his face.
As he exited the studio, he found Dominic leaning against the wall of the building, his expression stoic and his breathing coming in relatively uneven patterns. Matthew furrowed his brow, concerned about the other man's state.
"Dom, you ok?" he asked softly.
Dom whipped his head to face Matthew, his eyes briefly burning with an emotion he could not place before his face broke out into a smile. "So, what's the verdict?" he asked.
Matthew let out a shallow laugh, still concerned about Dom's apparent mood swing. "He loved it," he replied, his excitement coming back into his speech. "Wants to start recording on Saturday."
Dominic let out a high pitched laugh that practically sparked with glee, the blonde coming to pull Matthew into a very tight hug. "I knew he would love it, Bells."
Once more, the name set Matthew's heart to soaring. He wrapped his arms tightly around the blonde, his face turning into the blonde's neck due to the height difference. It was comfortable, warm and felt entirely too good for Matthew's taste. He breathed gently into Dom's neck, inhaling the scent of his cologne and shampoo, the smells burning into his memory for eternity. Chest to chest, he could feel Dominic breathing evenly, the embrace seeming to soothe his unease almost instantly. Warm huffs came from Dom's nose to Matthew's hair, and he nearly chuckled as he felt the strands moving in the little breeze.
It was difficult to say who stepped away first, but it was poignantly clear that neither wanted to. Gravity seemed to pull them closer and, as Matthew attempted to step away completely, he was sure he could hear Dom release a small whimper. It was a sound that Matthew was positive he would take to bed with him that night, and ever night thereafter.
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Date: 2010-12-07 05:30 am (UTC)THANK YOU~!!! *hugs*