The Long Surrender: 7/??
Nov. 14th, 2010 03:36 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lalalive23Title: The Long Surrender
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lalalive23
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Fluff and sadness, swearing
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world gets turned upside down and nothing is ever the same again.
Feedback: Is awesome. I like it. Keep it coming?
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse. If I did, they sure as hell would not be let out of the naughty closet. I don't make money off this. If I did, I would be a rich lady and not distracting myself from writing an undergrad thesis that is somehow much bigger than I.
Note: I send an arsenal of beautiful men todolce_piccante , millionstar , and sunshine_173 for being bit readers, lovers, inspiration givers, NaNoWriMo cheerleaders and genuinely incredible friends. Little notes on the UK education system: to get an 80% on something is amazing. They don't really grade papers on the A to F scale and to get a 65% is awesome. To get an 80% is pretty much like getting a 99% on a paper. Well done, Matty boy! This chapter is fucking long and sometimes I think it's pointless. I got a bit carried away with the 'getting to know you' dialogue, they just wouldn't shut up with one another. To all my commenters, seriously. I am convinced you are the best people in the WORLD. :D
NaNo word count: 31,884
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6
A light vibration on the bed side table pulled Dominic from his slumber, the noise unpleasant so early in the morning. Kicking his feet in the sheets, he groaned into the pillow as she tried to bury himself deep into the bed, far away from the sound. As the sound continued to reach his ears, he huffed and turned slowly only to discover the top sheet was stuck to his stomach. Twisted around him and knotted sufficiently, it had adhered to the come on his belly from the night before. Blindly, he palmed around the table for the offending object as he remembered the evening's events.
Julia had pounced on him in the moonlight, rewarding him with enthusiastic sucks to his cock in thanks for spending the day at the museum, only before swiftly extracting herself from him to empty the contents of her stomach in the toilet. He knelt beside her, naked and hard as she released whimpers of despair into the porcelain that she clutched. They quickly came to the conclusion that she was suffering from food poisoning, showing no signs of other symptoms. Eventually, she waved him away, signaling that she wanted to be alone and that he was free to go to sleep.
He collapsed on the bed, trying to breath slowly and ignore the feeling of his cock lying heavy on his belly as he attempted to soothe himself to sleep. Minutes seemed to crawl by, the passing of the seconds feeling like years as images of Matthew began to flood his synapses. Without even realizing what he was doing, his hand had found its way to his tip, his thumb stroking evenly against his slit. With a hiss, he arched his back and began to fist around himself, neck straining as his head pressed further into the pillows. A sweat broke out on his hairline, his hips bucking into his palm as he imagined Matt's voice, Matt's words, Matt's hand against his body. Uncontrollable and wild, his feet slid against the expensive silk of the sheets, body writhing as he felt himself hang from the edge of a precipice, tipping himself over with the image of blue eyes and a whisper of a non-descript Spanish word. He wasn't even sure if it was Spanish he imagined Matthew whispering, his awareness consumed with the hot come spilling violently onto his belly as he struggled to catch his breath. In the moments he tried to recover, he felt a chill glide over his damp skin, and he tugged the sheet up to his chest, too satisfied and dreary to clean himself up.
Finding his mobile still vibrating, he huffed, pulling the phone to him as he fought clumsily with the sheets. Bleary eyed with sleep, he read the screen with minor annoyance, wondering who would be calling him. Upon seeing the word MATTHEW on the screen, he sat upright in bed, staring in wide eyed wonder as he answered the call, his hand suddenly shaking as he brought the phone to his ear.
"Hello?" he croaked. He cringed, his voice still riddled with sleep. Pressing a hand to his throat, he swallowed what little saliva he could, hoping to lubricate his vocal chords. "Hello?" he repeated, in a smooth manner.
"Hi, Dom. Uhm, it's Matt. Did I wake you?" He sounded shy and apologetic, hoping that he did not disturb the blonde.
Dominic chuckled, moving his legs to sit cross legged in the bed. "Well, yeah kind of. But it's ok really. What time is it?"
"Around ten," Matthew said softly, clearly feeling bad.
Turning his head quickly to look at the clock, Dominic gasped as he realized it was not as early in the morning as he had expected. "Oh, wow," he groaned to himself.
"I'm sorry I called," Matthew blurted out. "I...I don't really know why I did." It sounded as if Matthew was running a hand against his lips, a nervous habit he noticed the brunet had. Dominic found himself wishing it was his hand against the lips, wondering what they felt like, surprised that the thought had even surfaced.
"Don't be," Dominic assured him. "I'm really glad you did." He was genuinely happy Matthew had felt the urge to call him, he himself fighting the desire for a solid 48 hours. It was going into three days since he'd seen Matthew, his will to not look at his mobile crumbling in the museum before he'd made it ten minutes. He'd lost his game miserably. "It's a good wake up call." Immediately he blushed at the words, and sheepishly bowed his head. His fingers tugged idly at the sheet still stuck to his belly.
"Uhm...so," Matthew laughed. "I was wondering if maybe...you and Julia would like to, I don't know...spend the day together. My student for the day canceled, it's his grandfather's birthday so -"
"I would love to!" Dominic blurted out. As soon as the words left his mouth, he brought his face to the palm of his hand, the energetic speed of his reply distressing.
Matthew let out a laugh. "You sure Julia won't mind? You didn't even ask her."
The memory of his ill fiancee, who had fallen asleep in the bathroom came back to him. He felt extraordinarily guilty for having so quickly announced his desire to leave with Matthew without even paying her a second thought. "Oh," he said slowly. "Actually, I don't know if I'll be able to make it. She got food poisoning last night."
"Oh, gosh!" Matthew gasped. "Is she ok? Does she need anything?"
"She was really ill last night but she told me to go to bed. I guess she just wanted to be alone and sort of fell asleep in the bathroom. I'm a bad boyfriend for not checking on her." He hazarded a chuckle at his small joke, and Matthew joined him for only a moment.
"Well, stay with her today. Let me know if you need me to bring you anything. Does the hotel have a pharmacy?" Matthew asked, genuinely concerned.
"I don't think so. Thanks for the offer, mate. I really appreciate it."
"No problem. Send her my best ok?" Dominic loved the sound of concern on Matthew's voice. It took on a relaxing, soothing, and beautiful quality. As wrong as it was, he wished he could hear it more often.
"I will. Cheers," he said, not looking forward to ending the call.
"Cheers, Dom," came Matthew's slow reply.
They lingered for a few moments on either end, neither saying a word and just listening to the sound of the other's breath. Eventually, a keening whine sounded from Matthew's voice, cut off as he hung up his phone. Dominic stared in silent bewilderment at his mobile, wishing they could have talked for hours, wishing he knew where the whine had originated from.
The sounds of a toilet flushing made Dom's head whirl, Julia stumbling slowly out of the bathroom, her skin pale and waxy. He leapt out of bed, running to her side to help her walk, taking the sheet part of the way with him before gravity removed it from his skin.
"Oh," she moaned, weakly. "Don't touch me. I'm gross." She meekly pulled her arm from his grip, nearly toppling over in the process. He tried again, stabling her and gently easing her over to the bed.
"How are you feeling, baby?" Dom asked, leaning over her small form as she laid pathetically on her side of the bed. He wiped some of the hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.
"Like I've been hit by a bus. My back is killing me." Her voice was hoarse, burned dry by the bile.
"Do you need anything?" he whispered. "I can get you some water?"
"I tried. I left a water bottle on the bathroom sink yesterday morning to rinse my teeth with and it wasn't empty. Couldn't keep it down, though," she groaned.
Dominic rubbed her arm, coming to get into the bed next to her as he stroked her in attempt to soothe her.
"Who was on the phone?" she asked, eyes closed and lips parted as she breathed to ease her turning stomach.
"Matthew," Dominic said. He noticed the way his voice seemed to soften as he said the name, and it made him smile. "He wanted to know if we would like to join him today for....anything."
"Oh, he's so sweet," Julia whispered, her breath becoming shallow. "Look, don't stay -" she cut herself off with a gasp, curling in on herself as she experienced pain in her stomach. "Don't stay here with me. Go out with him." She finished as she leapt from the bed, running to the bathroom to slam the door and be ill once more.
In the silence, Dominic's thoughts battled with concern for Julia and the reassuring words she had said, telling him that he should 'go out with him.' He didn't want to think of it in those terms, but he was lying to himself if he said that he didn't get a thrill of excitement at the thought of spending a day alone with the brunet.
Eventually, Julia emerged, wiping her mouth and her tired eyes worn to slits. She barely regarded Dominic as she curled onto her side and snuggled into her pillow.
"What can I do for you, baby?" he asked, rubbing her back.
"Don't worry about me, love. I just need sleep." She paused, and Dominic was sure she had drifted into slumber. "Did you call Matthew back?" she asked suddenly, startling Dom.
"No, I don't want to leave you," he said strongly.
"Dom, you'll be bored to tears. I'll either be sleeping, moaning, or being gross in a toilet. Go spend time with him. I'll be better by the time you get back, I'm sure," she said, equally as strong.
Dominic laughed. "I would kiss you but..." he joked.
"Psh, I wouldn't even kiss me," she said with a sigh.
"I love you," he said. It was the first time he'd said it while they were in Madrid. The words felt...comfortable on his lips, as if he were repeating a sentiment he used to say with more vigor, but the meaning was still there.
"I love you, too," she muttered, as she fell into a light sleep.
Quietly, Dominic took his mobile and called Matthew back.
"Hey," he whispered once Matthew answered. "Where did you want to meet?"
~*~
Matthew waited patiently in the lobby of the hotel, sinking into the cushions of a large leather chair as he waited for Dominic to meet him. Everything around him begged attention, the extravagance, the elaborate details sewn right down into the carpeting and the painted high into the ceilings made him feel as though he didn't belong; like he didn't belong with Dominic. He fumbled absentmindedly with the plastic bag in his lap as he watched men and women, seemingly a world apart from him, pass by without so much as a second glance in his direction.
Absorbed in his thoughts, he did not hear the ping of the elevator as Dom emerged, the blonde spotting him immediately to approach with a shy smile.
"Hey," Dom said, standing to Matt's side as he reached to touch his shoulder. Matthew jumped at the contact, a giggle erupting from Dom's chest.
"Sorry, you startled me," Matt said, standing quickly. "Uhm, I brought these for Julia." He held out the plastic bag to Dom. "It's just some crackers and juice. I didn't know what else to bring."
Dom took the bag from him, thanking him as he brought him to a tight hug. He pretended not to notice the way the strong arms held him tightly, pretended it was his imagination that the blonde hesitated to let him go.
He followed slowly behind Dom as the blonde brought the bag to reception, instructing them to bring it the penthouse suite. Knowing that Dominic and Julia were a wealthy couple had been obvious from the start of his friendship with the pair, but he had not known the extent of their wealth. The Palace Hotel was among the top places to stay in Madrid, and probably in Spain. For one to afford a suite meant they either had been saving to take a vacation on a special occasion or they were wealthy by nature. To stay in the penthouse suite meant their wealth went beyond the normal scale of the upper middle class, disregarding the length of the stay. To stay there for two weeks meant their wealth was a different matter entirely.
Bringing his hands to his back pockets, Matthew shuffled on his feet awkwardly as he waited for Dominic to return to him. It amazed him how very different Dominic was. Clearly a wealthy man, he was spending time with Matthew, who was merely living off the last of his savings from his life in London. As Dominic turned to him, it was clear he noticed the brunet's insecure composure and Matthew watched as his bright smile faded.
"What is it?" he asked softly when he stood in front of Matthew.
It was not in Matthew's nature to lie, nor did he want to start their day off on a strange foot, by saying there was nothing on his mind when clearly there was. "The penthouse suite?" he simply said, his voice showing awe instead of judgement.
"Oh, yeah. My boss found out Julia and I got engaged and that I wanted to take her to Madrid. He surprised us by making us reservations in the penthouse suite. I'm convinced it's cause he wants me out of his face and to be well rested for when I return," Dominic laughed. Matthew smiled at the sound, slightly relieved that it was not his own reservation, no longer feeling like Dominic was light years out of his league. "Why?" he laughed. "Did you think I was some rich prat leading you on?"
Matthew cocked his head back and laughed, turning on his heel to lead them out into the afternoon air. "Yeah, something like that." He heard Dom snicker beside him. "You have no idea how good it is to hear someone use the term 'prat,'" he added.
Dominic held the door for Matthew, smiling as he did so. "I thought you wouldn't get enough of the Spanish here. Are you missing good old English?"
Matthew blushed as he nodded appreciatively to Dominic, stepping onto the pavement. "No, not in the slightest. It's just..." he faded away, afraid that too many emotions were about to be put into his next words. He continued to walk in silence.
"What is it?" Dominic asked, following at his side.
"It's quite silly," Matthew admitted.
"I'm sure it isn't. Tell me," Dominic pressed gently.
"Haring you use Britishisms...it's like, how do I say this. It's like....it's comforting. Kind of like...coming home, you know? Being away from it for so long and then hearing your accent. It's nice." Matthew's complexion reddened deeply, his hands balling to little fists at his side.
"I get that," Dominic said. "Truly."
Matthew turned to look at him, leading them down the sidewalk to stop at a crosswalk. "Yeah?" he asked.
"Seriously. I've been here what, six days, and already I'm sick of the language?" Dom sighed. "I admit I don't really travel well, I love home too much. Don't get me wrong, I like traveling, but I wouldn't have stayed here for two weeks if I didn't think Julia would love it as much as I know she does. Honestly, Spain wasn't really high on my list of country's to visit, but I'm finding several reasons to love it," Dom finished with a smile.
Matthew nodded, understanding where he was coming from. In his belly, he tried to push down the curiosity he felt at Dom's final statement, wondering if he was on that list. It was a dangerous thing to think about. "Where did you want to go first?" he asked instead, hoping to distract himself.
A wistful look painted itself on Dom's features, the expression something totally unique and stunning. Matthew was sure he'd never see anything like it again. "I wanted to go to Venice. I love Italy. Italy or Austria. I think those two places are the most fascinating, the most beautiful." He stopped speaking briefly, walking slowly as they crossed the street as he gathered his thoughts. "When I was a kid," he said finally, "my parents took me to Paris, cause it isn't exactly far, you know. And I thought it was the most amazing thing, really incredible. But I didn't understand a word and I thought everyone was bad mouthing me because I couldn't speak the language. I felt really uncomfortable after a few days and I wanted to go home. All the French dogs looked so posh, and too groomed to look happy and it made me miss my dog. I guess that's why I don't like going to foreign countries, really. That childish fear that native speakers are making fun of you. I don't know. It's silly."
Matthew had been so enthralled by Dominic's story that he felt his heart drop once it had ended. He quickly wracked his brain for something to say to make Dominic keep speaking. "Where else have you been?"
"America, more often than you would think. California, New York, Texas, Florida, Nevada, Washington. I spent a week in Chicago for work and it was amazing. I almost had to go to Russia for a business transaction but that trip fell through. I wasn't heartbroken about it though," he laughed. "What about you? Where have you been?"
"Oh, all over," Matthew said, trying to remember all the places. "I took a year off before I went to uni and backpacked from London down to Turkey. It was the best time of my entire life. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I could. Through the school I went on this volunteer program to Australia. We helped clean trails in forests and things, which was really difficult because we basically slept in the woods for the whole summer. But if I could, I would live in the trees. It feels so natural to me, like that's where humans were meant to be. I can't really explain it."
"That's amazing!" Dominic exclaimed. "I wish I could do that sort of stuff."
"You still can, you know. You and Julia seem like the kind of people that would want to have adventure for your whole lives," Matthew said, quietly trying use Julia's name to remind his emotions that Dominic was tied to someone else.
"She definitely would love that but..." he stopped himself, this time it was he who was blushing. "Where are you taking me, by the way?"
Matthew smirked at the change in topic. "I'm taking you to my favourite book store. You're going to love it. Don't change the subject, though. What were you going to say?"
Dominic bowed his head, looking to the sidewalk as he walked. "I'm not...," he said, nearly whispering. "I'm a domestic type, at heart. I like adventure but now...I want to do the whole...own a home thing. Like, you wake up with that one person and you make pancakes and go to work. And then you come home and make dinner together, drink wine and just...relax together. I've done the adventure. I did that as a teenager and when I was in uni. Now, I just...I want to settle."
Matthew was stunned into silence, regarding the blonde with an ache in his gut as he processed his words. Everything he had described, he once had with Evan. Every happy moment that Dominic was fantasizing had been his reality. And now he had none of it. But it was, while it lasted, impossibly beautiful. "That's so wonderful, Dom," Matthew said, touching the blonde's arm to get him to look at him. "Really. I'm sure you and Julia will have all of that." He offered him the best smile he could muster, Dominic returning the expression.
"Thanks," Dom said. 'So," he breathed in, straightening his posture. "Tell me about your life. I mean, I know you're a musician and I know why you're in Spain. But I really don't know anything about you."
Matthew chuckled, pointing to a corner they were supposed to turn down. "What do you want to know?"
"What did you major in at uni? What uni did you go to, even?"
"Actually, when I was at uni I was a philosophy major," he said. There was a hint of pride in his voice and he did not try to cover it. "I went to Leeds and loved it. My dad wanted me to go to Cambridge, stay close to home and major in physics or math. Said I could be an engineer or some kind of physicist. I was good at those subjects when I was in college, but I never really liked them. It just so happened that I was good at all the subjects in school, but I felt I never learned anything useful with them, things i would apply in my every day life. In the end, I guess I majored in philosophy to spite my father, but I do truly love it. He once told me that he didn't want to pay just for me to learn how to be a free thinker, but there was so much more to it than that. We never really got on...me and him..." His rambling drifted off into memories of his complicated relationship with his father. It was another subject he was not seeking to broach with Dominic, and he hoped the blonde would take the hint.
"Who is your favourite philosopher then?" Dominic's question made Matthew smile, his overlooking the anecdotes of his familial relationships relaxing him once more.
"There's this French philosopher I love named François Lyotard. He wrote this book called The Inhuman. It's all about how humans are becoming machines and are being dehumanized by the forces of development in a post-modernist time period. Everything he writes is simply brilliant." Matthew walked them to a little shop as they rounded the corner, the store-face blank and without a sign.
From the outside, the building looked like it could have been a home, save for the few books in the storefront window. Once Matthew pushed the door open, he smiled, inhaling the scent of books and wood. As far as he knew, the store had been there since the 1950's, owned by a small family in Madrid and had been passed down through the generations. The little man behind the counter now owned the store with his wife, and Matthew had entertained countless conversations with him in the past month.
'This is lovely," Dominic said, whispering.
"Why are you whispering?" Matthew asked, not whispering but speaking softly. He moved to stand in front of a bookshelf in the fiction section, alphabetized by author. Bringing a hand forward to stroke lightly at the spine of an antique book, he let out a little sigh, blushing at the pleasure he got from bookstores.
"I don't know," Dominic admitted. "It just seems...like I should. How did you find this place?" Dominic pulled out a book and flipped open the cover, his eyes bugging wide. "Matt, this book was published in 1910! Oh my gosh!"
Matthew froze at the shelf, turning his head quickly to face Dominic. It was not the date of the book that had startled him, it was Dominic's use of the name 'Matt' that set his soul to burning. Having only hard Vida use the term, he found that hearing the word formed on Dominic's tongue was something infinitely more unique, more exotic, and intensely arousing.
"R-really? That's amazing," he stammered. He turned back to the bookshelf, letting a high pitched sigh of private contentedness.
"I would get this, but I can't understand a word of it," Dominic said with a laugh.
"I should teach you Spanish at some point," Matthew said with a smile, merely just dragging his fingers idly along the smooth spines of the books in front of him.
"No, no, oh god, no," Dominic said putting the book back on the shelf. "I can't tell you the number of times Julia tried to teach me. Actually, I bought all these books on the language before we landed and tried speaking to a taxi driver, a taxi driver, and I couldn't even do that. I think my relationship with Spanish is a dead one."
"Maybe you just haven't had the right teacher," Matthew said, cocking an eyebrow. Dominic shifted on his feet, and bit his bottom lip.
"You think you can do it?" Dominic challenged.
"I know I can do it," Matthew said, standing before him with a grin.
"Cheeky," Dominic giggled.
"Seriously, though. Books can't teach you things unless you have conversational practice and written practice. No wonder you can't remember the language." Matthew walked over to the philosophy section, pawing gently at the books for a specific one. "I think you just need a good conversational partner."
"Honestly, I don't think Spanish is for me. I took French for A-Levels and I can barely remember any of that." He followed Matthew to the philosophy section, staring blankly at the mass of books in the high shelves, some even piled on the floor. "This place is positively overflowing with books. It's amazing how they can fit so much in a place so small."
"This place is my church," Matthew said pulling out the book he wanted. "Sometimes I just come here to think."
"You never answered my question earlier. How did you find this?" Dominic asked again.
"When I lived here a few years back, this place wasn't too far from my university flat. I met the guy who owned it when I bumped into him while he was taking out the trash. I thought it was a house for a couple months before I realized it was a shop." In the shadows of the bookstore, Dominic looked like an angel emerging from the darkness, as if he was presence of beauty and hope. The image merely sealed Matthew's belief that the store was, indeed, his church.
"Hold on. You lived in Spain too? For how long?" Dominic was shocked.
"About six months. I did a semester here for uni my second year. I think it was the reason I decided I would come back here to work on my guitar." Matthew held the book he wanted pressed close to his heart, arms crossed over it as he held it against his chest.
"So...how old are you?" Dominic asked, brow furrowed.
"Er, 27. Why?" Matthew furrowed his brow in kind, genuinely confused by Dom's sudden question.
"You would have been living here, in Madrid, the same time Julia was living in Barcelona. Do you have any idea how weird that is for me?" Dominic looked utterly bewildered at the coincidence of it all.
"Wow! I guess our time lines were meant to cross now instead of earlier. That's so funny." Matthew was genuinely shocked by the statement. More and more, he was finding ways to compare himself to Julia and he did not want to think that it was because he imagined he could fill her space. On the contrary, he imagined it was the reason he felt such a strong connection to Dominic. He hoped, that is, that was the case.
Heading to the cashier, Matthew studied Dominic has the blonde's eyes groped every detail of the space he was in. He was like an eager child, wide eyed and joyful. As he placed the book on the counter to pull out his wallet, he found himself unable to turn away from the vision. "Do you like bookstores a lot, Dom?"
"I do. I love literature," Dominic said wistfully.
"I never asked," Matthew said, handing the cashier his money. "Were you always looking to be an advertising executive?"
Dominic brought his eyes back to Matthew, his grey eyes stormy with an internal battle. He let out a sigh. "Want the truth?" he asked.
"Always," Matthew said simply.
"I wanted to be an artist," Dom admitted.
"Really?" Matthew asked, genuinely surprised.
"Yeah, I took a bunch of summer lessons when I was a kid. I even sold my paintings to a few members of my neighborhood, but my mother was convinced I couldn't make a living off it. I sort of believed her so I went to the second best thing I was good at."
Matthew studied the way Dominic shuffled with his feet bounced on the balls of his toes as he said his words. The outgoing blonde had closed in on himself, announcing that his chosen career path was merely his second choice and the world of his true passion had been removed totally from him. It was a sad thing to see, especially on one so lively, but at the same time, it was something endearing and made Matthew want to envelope the man in his arms. "Do you still paint?" he asked finally, taking his bag from the cashier.
"Yeah, I do sometimes. In my flat in London there was an extra room that was supposed to be used as an office. I just use it as a mock studio. When I'm stressed I just paint to relax myself." Dominic held the door for Matthew once more, and Matthew smiled at the gesture. "So where to now?"
Standing still on the sidewalk, Matthew looked left and right down the narrow street, running through a list of places in his mind. "Are you hungry at all?" he asked.
"Yeah, I could eat," Dominic replied.
"Mind if I take you to my favourite cafe?" Matthew asked.
"Is this 'Matthew's favourite places' day?" Dominic joked.
A chuckle rumbled from Matthew's chest. "Maybe," he said coyly. He walked them down the street to the right, arms swishing in the summer breeze, his open jumper fluttering in the wind.
"Tell me then," Dominic smirked, "what's your favourite colour."
"Green," Matthew said simply.
"Favourite book?"
Chewing his bottom lip, Matthew thought hard on the question, running through a list of books that came first to his mind. "Madame Bovary," he said.
"Bollocks," Dom said immediately.
Matthew turned to glance at Dom quickly, stopping at a cross walk to face him. "Why is that bollocks?" he asked.
"Because no one ever truly likes the books they read in school. And I remember having to read that for one of my literature classes. Mind, I love the book, but I don't think it's your favourite." He studied Matthew with a quizzical and curious eye, Matthew's heart rate speeding up under the stare.
"No," Matthew said slowly. "I really do think it's my favourite. I have..." he paused. "It's a long story."
'Tell me," Dominic said evenly.
Matthew couldn't believe he was about to tell Dominic one of his most private memories, something he had only ever told Evan, not even his parents. "When I was in tenth year, we had to read Madame Bovary for English. No one really liked it but me and I was the only one in the class who got an 80% on the final paper. After school, I was walking home and these other guys, these big beefy blokes, who didn't do well on the paper found me and, well, they roughed me up a bit. Called me a poof because I liked a women's novel. Strange how they knew what I found to be true a few years later. Bit ironic, actually."
Dominic said nothing after Matthew had finished his story, and the silence hurt him more than he could have imagined. It was one thing to tell the story to your lover, a man who had gone through the same type of harassment for his 'devious' sexual preference, but to tell it to a man, a beautiful man, who was so evidently straight, was entirely another. And the lack of words, the lack of understanding, seemed to make his blood run cold. In the pause, he began to kick himself for evening sharing the memory.
He continued walking, almost wanting to shake his head for even thinking that it was a smart move to open his mouth, when a strong hand reached out to his shoulder to stop him completely. Turning slowly, he casted his eyes to the cobblestone street they stood on, afraid to even look into the grey orbs that probed him so fully.
"Matt," he heard Dominic say. The nickname, once again, made his heart flutter. "I can't....I am so sorry. I didn't..." Dominic faded off, concern and and sympathy flooding his tone.
Finally, Matthew braved a glance to Dom's eyes, his heart melting completely at the warm gaze, his body held motionless at the sight. "It's ok," he eventually managed to say. "It happens all the time, you know?" He wished he hadn't said something so depressingly generic.
"I wish it didn't," Dominic said sincerely.
They shared a brief, sad smile together, before Dominic shook his demeanor clean, Matthew sensing a subject shift coming.
"Favourite food?" Matthew laughed when he found he was right.
~*~
Dominic entered the hotel bedroom quietly, unsure if Julia had managed to sleep at all during the day. In the early nighttime dark and the light of the muted television, he could see her body laying motionless on the bed. He moved to take off his shoes, hoping that the pads of his feet in socks would ease the noise of his footsteps, but his foot kicked the bag of left over food and Julia stirred at the sound.
"Dominic?" she asked softly.
"Yeah, it's me," he said. "How are you feeling?"
She turned over, bringing her hands to her eyes to rub slowly. "I'm ok, I think. Just achy. How was Matthew?"
Dominic removed his trousers and his shirt, tossing the clothes in a heap at the side of the bed. Placing the bag on the table he pulled out the food and noticed something else inside. "He was great. We went all over today," he said absentmindedly as he pulled out the object. It was a book, and in the dim lighting he could make out the title: The Inhuman: Reflections on Time. He let out a laugh and then felt warmth ooze through his veins like honey. He didn't know if Matthew had bought the book for himself, or if he had intentionally bought it for Dominic, but the gesture was unreasonably kind. Over lunch, and part of dinner, Dominic had pressed Matthew for information about his philosophical knowledge, and for details about this Lyotard man he had never heard of. Now, if Matthew's career failed and he found himself in London without the brunet, he would at least have some reminder, a keepsake, to remember him by; not that he would ever forget him.
"Tell me everything," Julia said, her voice still hoarse from illness.
Hopping into bed, Dominic laid the book on his lap and noticed juice on the table next to her side of the bed. "Oh, I see you got Matt's package."
"I know. Gosh, that was so sweet of him. The juice definitely helped. Tomorrow I'm going to try the crackers."
Dominic stared at all the things in the room that reminded him of Matt, the juice, the book, even the clothes that he had stripped himself from. It was as though all of these things were slowly taking over his life and he was powerless to stop the intrusion.
But he did not mind, and calling it an intrusion was horrifically wrong. Matthew was a wonderful presence in their little world and, as he turned over in the sheets, clutching the book to his chest, he hoped that Matthew's residence in his world would become something permanent.
Author:
lalalive23 Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Fluff and sadness, swearing
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world gets turned upside down and nothing is ever the same again.
Feedback: Is awesome. I like it. Keep it coming?
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse. If I did, they sure as hell would not be let out of the naughty closet. I don't make money off this. If I did, I would be a rich lady and not distracting myself from writing an undergrad thesis that is somehow much bigger than I.
Note: I send an arsenal of beautiful men to
dolce_piccante , millionstar , and sunshine_173 for being bit readers, lovers, inspiration givers, NaNoWriMo cheerleaders and genuinely incredible friends. Little notes on the UK education system: to get an 80% on something is amazing. They don't really grade papers on the A to F scale and to get a 65% is awesome. To get an 80% is pretty much like getting a 99% on a paper. Well done, Matty boy! This chapter is fucking long and sometimes I think it's pointless. I got a bit carried away with the 'getting to know you' dialogue, they just wouldn't shut up with one another. To all my commenters, seriously. I am convinced you are the best people in the WORLD. :D NaNo word count: 31,884
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6
A light vibration on the bed side table pulled Dominic from his slumber, the noise unpleasant so early in the morning. Kicking his feet in the sheets, he groaned into the pillow as she tried to bury himself deep into the bed, far away from the sound. As the sound continued to reach his ears, he huffed and turned slowly only to discover the top sheet was stuck to his stomach. Twisted around him and knotted sufficiently, it had adhered to the come on his belly from the night before. Blindly, he palmed around the table for the offending object as he remembered the evening's events.
Julia had pounced on him in the moonlight, rewarding him with enthusiastic sucks to his cock in thanks for spending the day at the museum, only before swiftly extracting herself from him to empty the contents of her stomach in the toilet. He knelt beside her, naked and hard as she released whimpers of despair into the porcelain that she clutched. They quickly came to the conclusion that she was suffering from food poisoning, showing no signs of other symptoms. Eventually, she waved him away, signaling that she wanted to be alone and that he was free to go to sleep.
He collapsed on the bed, trying to breath slowly and ignore the feeling of his cock lying heavy on his belly as he attempted to soothe himself to sleep. Minutes seemed to crawl by, the passing of the seconds feeling like years as images of Matthew began to flood his synapses. Without even realizing what he was doing, his hand had found its way to his tip, his thumb stroking evenly against his slit. With a hiss, he arched his back and began to fist around himself, neck straining as his head pressed further into the pillows. A sweat broke out on his hairline, his hips bucking into his palm as he imagined Matt's voice, Matt's words, Matt's hand against his body. Uncontrollable and wild, his feet slid against the expensive silk of the sheets, body writhing as he felt himself hang from the edge of a precipice, tipping himself over with the image of blue eyes and a whisper of a non-descript Spanish word. He wasn't even sure if it was Spanish he imagined Matthew whispering, his awareness consumed with the hot come spilling violently onto his belly as he struggled to catch his breath. In the moments he tried to recover, he felt a chill glide over his damp skin, and he tugged the sheet up to his chest, too satisfied and dreary to clean himself up.
Finding his mobile still vibrating, he huffed, pulling the phone to him as he fought clumsily with the sheets. Bleary eyed with sleep, he read the screen with minor annoyance, wondering who would be calling him. Upon seeing the word MATTHEW on the screen, he sat upright in bed, staring in wide eyed wonder as he answered the call, his hand suddenly shaking as he brought the phone to his ear.
"Hello?" he croaked. He cringed, his voice still riddled with sleep. Pressing a hand to his throat, he swallowed what little saliva he could, hoping to lubricate his vocal chords. "Hello?" he repeated, in a smooth manner.
"Hi, Dom. Uhm, it's Matt. Did I wake you?" He sounded shy and apologetic, hoping that he did not disturb the blonde.
Dominic chuckled, moving his legs to sit cross legged in the bed. "Well, yeah kind of. But it's ok really. What time is it?"
"Around ten," Matthew said softly, clearly feeling bad.
Turning his head quickly to look at the clock, Dominic gasped as he realized it was not as early in the morning as he had expected. "Oh, wow," he groaned to himself.
"I'm sorry I called," Matthew blurted out. "I...I don't really know why I did." It sounded as if Matthew was running a hand against his lips, a nervous habit he noticed the brunet had. Dominic found himself wishing it was his hand against the lips, wondering what they felt like, surprised that the thought had even surfaced.
"Don't be," Dominic assured him. "I'm really glad you did." He was genuinely happy Matthew had felt the urge to call him, he himself fighting the desire for a solid 48 hours. It was going into three days since he'd seen Matthew, his will to not look at his mobile crumbling in the museum before he'd made it ten minutes. He'd lost his game miserably. "It's a good wake up call." Immediately he blushed at the words, and sheepishly bowed his head. His fingers tugged idly at the sheet still stuck to his belly.
"Uhm...so," Matthew laughed. "I was wondering if maybe...you and Julia would like to, I don't know...spend the day together. My student for the day canceled, it's his grandfather's birthday so -"
"I would love to!" Dominic blurted out. As soon as the words left his mouth, he brought his face to the palm of his hand, the energetic speed of his reply distressing.
Matthew let out a laugh. "You sure Julia won't mind? You didn't even ask her."
The memory of his ill fiancee, who had fallen asleep in the bathroom came back to him. He felt extraordinarily guilty for having so quickly announced his desire to leave with Matthew without even paying her a second thought. "Oh," he said slowly. "Actually, I don't know if I'll be able to make it. She got food poisoning last night."
"Oh, gosh!" Matthew gasped. "Is she ok? Does she need anything?"
"She was really ill last night but she told me to go to bed. I guess she just wanted to be alone and sort of fell asleep in the bathroom. I'm a bad boyfriend for not checking on her." He hazarded a chuckle at his small joke, and Matthew joined him for only a moment.
"Well, stay with her today. Let me know if you need me to bring you anything. Does the hotel have a pharmacy?" Matthew asked, genuinely concerned.
"I don't think so. Thanks for the offer, mate. I really appreciate it."
"No problem. Send her my best ok?" Dominic loved the sound of concern on Matthew's voice. It took on a relaxing, soothing, and beautiful quality. As wrong as it was, he wished he could hear it more often.
"I will. Cheers," he said, not looking forward to ending the call.
"Cheers, Dom," came Matthew's slow reply.
They lingered for a few moments on either end, neither saying a word and just listening to the sound of the other's breath. Eventually, a keening whine sounded from Matthew's voice, cut off as he hung up his phone. Dominic stared in silent bewilderment at his mobile, wishing they could have talked for hours, wishing he knew where the whine had originated from.
The sounds of a toilet flushing made Dom's head whirl, Julia stumbling slowly out of the bathroom, her skin pale and waxy. He leapt out of bed, running to her side to help her walk, taking the sheet part of the way with him before gravity removed it from his skin.
"Oh," she moaned, weakly. "Don't touch me. I'm gross." She meekly pulled her arm from his grip, nearly toppling over in the process. He tried again, stabling her and gently easing her over to the bed.
"How are you feeling, baby?" Dom asked, leaning over her small form as she laid pathetically on her side of the bed. He wiped some of the hair from her face and tucked it behind her ear.
"Like I've been hit by a bus. My back is killing me." Her voice was hoarse, burned dry by the bile.
"Do you need anything?" he whispered. "I can get you some water?"
"I tried. I left a water bottle on the bathroom sink yesterday morning to rinse my teeth with and it wasn't empty. Couldn't keep it down, though," she groaned.
Dominic rubbed her arm, coming to get into the bed next to her as he stroked her in attempt to soothe her.
"Who was on the phone?" she asked, eyes closed and lips parted as she breathed to ease her turning stomach.
"Matthew," Dominic said. He noticed the way his voice seemed to soften as he said the name, and it made him smile. "He wanted to know if we would like to join him today for....anything."
"Oh, he's so sweet," Julia whispered, her breath becoming shallow. "Look, don't stay -" she cut herself off with a gasp, curling in on herself as she experienced pain in her stomach. "Don't stay here with me. Go out with him." She finished as she leapt from the bed, running to the bathroom to slam the door and be ill once more.
In the silence, Dominic's thoughts battled with concern for Julia and the reassuring words she had said, telling him that he should 'go out with him.' He didn't want to think of it in those terms, but he was lying to himself if he said that he didn't get a thrill of excitement at the thought of spending a day alone with the brunet.
Eventually, Julia emerged, wiping her mouth and her tired eyes worn to slits. She barely regarded Dominic as she curled onto her side and snuggled into her pillow.
"What can I do for you, baby?" he asked, rubbing her back.
"Don't worry about me, love. I just need sleep." She paused, and Dominic was sure she had drifted into slumber. "Did you call Matthew back?" she asked suddenly, startling Dom.
"No, I don't want to leave you," he said strongly.
"Dom, you'll be bored to tears. I'll either be sleeping, moaning, or being gross in a toilet. Go spend time with him. I'll be better by the time you get back, I'm sure," she said, equally as strong.
Dominic laughed. "I would kiss you but..." he joked.
"Psh, I wouldn't even kiss me," she said with a sigh.
"I love you," he said. It was the first time he'd said it while they were in Madrid. The words felt...comfortable on his lips, as if he were repeating a sentiment he used to say with more vigor, but the meaning was still there.
"I love you, too," she muttered, as she fell into a light sleep.
Quietly, Dominic took his mobile and called Matthew back.
"Hey," he whispered once Matthew answered. "Where did you want to meet?"
~*~
Matthew waited patiently in the lobby of the hotel, sinking into the cushions of a large leather chair as he waited for Dominic to meet him. Everything around him begged attention, the extravagance, the elaborate details sewn right down into the carpeting and the painted high into the ceilings made him feel as though he didn't belong; like he didn't belong with Dominic. He fumbled absentmindedly with the plastic bag in his lap as he watched men and women, seemingly a world apart from him, pass by without so much as a second glance in his direction.
Absorbed in his thoughts, he did not hear the ping of the elevator as Dom emerged, the blonde spotting him immediately to approach with a shy smile.
"Hey," Dom said, standing to Matt's side as he reached to touch his shoulder. Matthew jumped at the contact, a giggle erupting from Dom's chest.
"Sorry, you startled me," Matt said, standing quickly. "Uhm, I brought these for Julia." He held out the plastic bag to Dom. "It's just some crackers and juice. I didn't know what else to bring."
Dom took the bag from him, thanking him as he brought him to a tight hug. He pretended not to notice the way the strong arms held him tightly, pretended it was his imagination that the blonde hesitated to let him go.
He followed slowly behind Dom as the blonde brought the bag to reception, instructing them to bring it the penthouse suite. Knowing that Dominic and Julia were a wealthy couple had been obvious from the start of his friendship with the pair, but he had not known the extent of their wealth. The Palace Hotel was among the top places to stay in Madrid, and probably in Spain. For one to afford a suite meant they either had been saving to take a vacation on a special occasion or they were wealthy by nature. To stay in the penthouse suite meant their wealth went beyond the normal scale of the upper middle class, disregarding the length of the stay. To stay there for two weeks meant their wealth was a different matter entirely.
Bringing his hands to his back pockets, Matthew shuffled on his feet awkwardly as he waited for Dominic to return to him. It amazed him how very different Dominic was. Clearly a wealthy man, he was spending time with Matthew, who was merely living off the last of his savings from his life in London. As Dominic turned to him, it was clear he noticed the brunet's insecure composure and Matthew watched as his bright smile faded.
"What is it?" he asked softly when he stood in front of Matthew.
It was not in Matthew's nature to lie, nor did he want to start their day off on a strange foot, by saying there was nothing on his mind when clearly there was. "The penthouse suite?" he simply said, his voice showing awe instead of judgement.
"Oh, yeah. My boss found out Julia and I got engaged and that I wanted to take her to Madrid. He surprised us by making us reservations in the penthouse suite. I'm convinced it's cause he wants me out of his face and to be well rested for when I return," Dominic laughed. Matthew smiled at the sound, slightly relieved that it was not his own reservation, no longer feeling like Dominic was light years out of his league. "Why?" he laughed. "Did you think I was some rich prat leading you on?"
Matthew cocked his head back and laughed, turning on his heel to lead them out into the afternoon air. "Yeah, something like that." He heard Dom snicker beside him. "You have no idea how good it is to hear someone use the term 'prat,'" he added.
Dominic held the door for Matthew, smiling as he did so. "I thought you wouldn't get enough of the Spanish here. Are you missing good old English?"
Matthew blushed as he nodded appreciatively to Dominic, stepping onto the pavement. "No, not in the slightest. It's just..." he faded away, afraid that too many emotions were about to be put into his next words. He continued to walk in silence.
"What is it?" Dominic asked, following at his side.
"It's quite silly," Matthew admitted.
"I'm sure it isn't. Tell me," Dominic pressed gently.
"Haring you use Britishisms...it's like, how do I say this. It's like....it's comforting. Kind of like...coming home, you know? Being away from it for so long and then hearing your accent. It's nice." Matthew's complexion reddened deeply, his hands balling to little fists at his side.
"I get that," Dominic said. "Truly."
Matthew turned to look at him, leading them down the sidewalk to stop at a crosswalk. "Yeah?" he asked.
"Seriously. I've been here what, six days, and already I'm sick of the language?" Dom sighed. "I admit I don't really travel well, I love home too much. Don't get me wrong, I like traveling, but I wouldn't have stayed here for two weeks if I didn't think Julia would love it as much as I know she does. Honestly, Spain wasn't really high on my list of country's to visit, but I'm finding several reasons to love it," Dom finished with a smile.
Matthew nodded, understanding where he was coming from. In his belly, he tried to push down the curiosity he felt at Dom's final statement, wondering if he was on that list. It was a dangerous thing to think about. "Where did you want to go first?" he asked instead, hoping to distract himself.
A wistful look painted itself on Dom's features, the expression something totally unique and stunning. Matthew was sure he'd never see anything like it again. "I wanted to go to Venice. I love Italy. Italy or Austria. I think those two places are the most fascinating, the most beautiful." He stopped speaking briefly, walking slowly as they crossed the street as he gathered his thoughts. "When I was a kid," he said finally, "my parents took me to Paris, cause it isn't exactly far, you know. And I thought it was the most amazing thing, really incredible. But I didn't understand a word and I thought everyone was bad mouthing me because I couldn't speak the language. I felt really uncomfortable after a few days and I wanted to go home. All the French dogs looked so posh, and too groomed to look happy and it made me miss my dog. I guess that's why I don't like going to foreign countries, really. That childish fear that native speakers are making fun of you. I don't know. It's silly."
Matthew had been so enthralled by Dominic's story that he felt his heart drop once it had ended. He quickly wracked his brain for something to say to make Dominic keep speaking. "Where else have you been?"
"America, more often than you would think. California, New York, Texas, Florida, Nevada, Washington. I spent a week in Chicago for work and it was amazing. I almost had to go to Russia for a business transaction but that trip fell through. I wasn't heartbroken about it though," he laughed. "What about you? Where have you been?"
"Oh, all over," Matthew said, trying to remember all the places. "I took a year off before I went to uni and backpacked from London down to Turkey. It was the best time of my entire life. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if I could. Through the school I went on this volunteer program to Australia. We helped clean trails in forests and things, which was really difficult because we basically slept in the woods for the whole summer. But if I could, I would live in the trees. It feels so natural to me, like that's where humans were meant to be. I can't really explain it."
"That's amazing!" Dominic exclaimed. "I wish I could do that sort of stuff."
"You still can, you know. You and Julia seem like the kind of people that would want to have adventure for your whole lives," Matthew said, quietly trying use Julia's name to remind his emotions that Dominic was tied to someone else.
"She definitely would love that but..." he stopped himself, this time it was he who was blushing. "Where are you taking me, by the way?"
Matthew smirked at the change in topic. "I'm taking you to my favourite book store. You're going to love it. Don't change the subject, though. What were you going to say?"
Dominic bowed his head, looking to the sidewalk as he walked. "I'm not...," he said, nearly whispering. "I'm a domestic type, at heart. I like adventure but now...I want to do the whole...own a home thing. Like, you wake up with that one person and you make pancakes and go to work. And then you come home and make dinner together, drink wine and just...relax together. I've done the adventure. I did that as a teenager and when I was in uni. Now, I just...I want to settle."
Matthew was stunned into silence, regarding the blonde with an ache in his gut as he processed his words. Everything he had described, he once had with Evan. Every happy moment that Dominic was fantasizing had been his reality. And now he had none of it. But it was, while it lasted, impossibly beautiful. "That's so wonderful, Dom," Matthew said, touching the blonde's arm to get him to look at him. "Really. I'm sure you and Julia will have all of that." He offered him the best smile he could muster, Dominic returning the expression.
"Thanks," Dom said. 'So," he breathed in, straightening his posture. "Tell me about your life. I mean, I know you're a musician and I know why you're in Spain. But I really don't know anything about you."
Matthew chuckled, pointing to a corner they were supposed to turn down. "What do you want to know?"
"What did you major in at uni? What uni did you go to, even?"
"Actually, when I was at uni I was a philosophy major," he said. There was a hint of pride in his voice and he did not try to cover it. "I went to Leeds and loved it. My dad wanted me to go to Cambridge, stay close to home and major in physics or math. Said I could be an engineer or some kind of physicist. I was good at those subjects when I was in college, but I never really liked them. It just so happened that I was good at all the subjects in school, but I felt I never learned anything useful with them, things i would apply in my every day life. In the end, I guess I majored in philosophy to spite my father, but I do truly love it. He once told me that he didn't want to pay just for me to learn how to be a free thinker, but there was so much more to it than that. We never really got on...me and him..." His rambling drifted off into memories of his complicated relationship with his father. It was another subject he was not seeking to broach with Dominic, and he hoped the blonde would take the hint.
"Who is your favourite philosopher then?" Dominic's question made Matthew smile, his overlooking the anecdotes of his familial relationships relaxing him once more.
"There's this French philosopher I love named François Lyotard. He wrote this book called The Inhuman. It's all about how humans are becoming machines and are being dehumanized by the forces of development in a post-modernist time period. Everything he writes is simply brilliant." Matthew walked them to a little shop as they rounded the corner, the store-face blank and without a sign.
From the outside, the building looked like it could have been a home, save for the few books in the storefront window. Once Matthew pushed the door open, he smiled, inhaling the scent of books and wood. As far as he knew, the store had been there since the 1950's, owned by a small family in Madrid and had been passed down through the generations. The little man behind the counter now owned the store with his wife, and Matthew had entertained countless conversations with him in the past month.
'This is lovely," Dominic said, whispering.
"Why are you whispering?" Matthew asked, not whispering but speaking softly. He moved to stand in front of a bookshelf in the fiction section, alphabetized by author. Bringing a hand forward to stroke lightly at the spine of an antique book, he let out a little sigh, blushing at the pleasure he got from bookstores.
"I don't know," Dominic admitted. "It just seems...like I should. How did you find this place?" Dominic pulled out a book and flipped open the cover, his eyes bugging wide. "Matt, this book was published in 1910! Oh my gosh!"
Matthew froze at the shelf, turning his head quickly to face Dominic. It was not the date of the book that had startled him, it was Dominic's use of the name 'Matt' that set his soul to burning. Having only hard Vida use the term, he found that hearing the word formed on Dominic's tongue was something infinitely more unique, more exotic, and intensely arousing.
"R-really? That's amazing," he stammered. He turned back to the bookshelf, letting a high pitched sigh of private contentedness.
"I would get this, but I can't understand a word of it," Dominic said with a laugh.
"I should teach you Spanish at some point," Matthew said with a smile, merely just dragging his fingers idly along the smooth spines of the books in front of him.
"No, no, oh god, no," Dominic said putting the book back on the shelf. "I can't tell you the number of times Julia tried to teach me. Actually, I bought all these books on the language before we landed and tried speaking to a taxi driver, a taxi driver, and I couldn't even do that. I think my relationship with Spanish is a dead one."
"Maybe you just haven't had the right teacher," Matthew said, cocking an eyebrow. Dominic shifted on his feet, and bit his bottom lip.
"You think you can do it?" Dominic challenged.
"I know I can do it," Matthew said, standing before him with a grin.
"Cheeky," Dominic giggled.
"Seriously, though. Books can't teach you things unless you have conversational practice and written practice. No wonder you can't remember the language." Matthew walked over to the philosophy section, pawing gently at the books for a specific one. "I think you just need a good conversational partner."
"Honestly, I don't think Spanish is for me. I took French for A-Levels and I can barely remember any of that." He followed Matthew to the philosophy section, staring blankly at the mass of books in the high shelves, some even piled on the floor. "This place is positively overflowing with books. It's amazing how they can fit so much in a place so small."
"This place is my church," Matthew said pulling out the book he wanted. "Sometimes I just come here to think."
"You never answered my question earlier. How did you find this?" Dominic asked again.
"When I lived here a few years back, this place wasn't too far from my university flat. I met the guy who owned it when I bumped into him while he was taking out the trash. I thought it was a house for a couple months before I realized it was a shop." In the shadows of the bookstore, Dominic looked like an angel emerging from the darkness, as if he was presence of beauty and hope. The image merely sealed Matthew's belief that the store was, indeed, his church.
"Hold on. You lived in Spain too? For how long?" Dominic was shocked.
"About six months. I did a semester here for uni my second year. I think it was the reason I decided I would come back here to work on my guitar." Matthew held the book he wanted pressed close to his heart, arms crossed over it as he held it against his chest.
"So...how old are you?" Dominic asked, brow furrowed.
"Er, 27. Why?" Matthew furrowed his brow in kind, genuinely confused by Dom's sudden question.
"You would have been living here, in Madrid, the same time Julia was living in Barcelona. Do you have any idea how weird that is for me?" Dominic looked utterly bewildered at the coincidence of it all.
"Wow! I guess our time lines were meant to cross now instead of earlier. That's so funny." Matthew was genuinely shocked by the statement. More and more, he was finding ways to compare himself to Julia and he did not want to think that it was because he imagined he could fill her space. On the contrary, he imagined it was the reason he felt such a strong connection to Dominic. He hoped, that is, that was the case.
Heading to the cashier, Matthew studied Dominic has the blonde's eyes groped every detail of the space he was in. He was like an eager child, wide eyed and joyful. As he placed the book on the counter to pull out his wallet, he found himself unable to turn away from the vision. "Do you like bookstores a lot, Dom?"
"I do. I love literature," Dominic said wistfully.
"I never asked," Matthew said, handing the cashier his money. "Were you always looking to be an advertising executive?"
Dominic brought his eyes back to Matthew, his grey eyes stormy with an internal battle. He let out a sigh. "Want the truth?" he asked.
"Always," Matthew said simply.
"I wanted to be an artist," Dom admitted.
"Really?" Matthew asked, genuinely surprised.
"Yeah, I took a bunch of summer lessons when I was a kid. I even sold my paintings to a few members of my neighborhood, but my mother was convinced I couldn't make a living off it. I sort of believed her so I went to the second best thing I was good at."
Matthew studied the way Dominic shuffled with his feet bounced on the balls of his toes as he said his words. The outgoing blonde had closed in on himself, announcing that his chosen career path was merely his second choice and the world of his true passion had been removed totally from him. It was a sad thing to see, especially on one so lively, but at the same time, it was something endearing and made Matthew want to envelope the man in his arms. "Do you still paint?" he asked finally, taking his bag from the cashier.
"Yeah, I do sometimes. In my flat in London there was an extra room that was supposed to be used as an office. I just use it as a mock studio. When I'm stressed I just paint to relax myself." Dominic held the door for Matthew once more, and Matthew smiled at the gesture. "So where to now?"
Standing still on the sidewalk, Matthew looked left and right down the narrow street, running through a list of places in his mind. "Are you hungry at all?" he asked.
"Yeah, I could eat," Dominic replied.
"Mind if I take you to my favourite cafe?" Matthew asked.
"Is this 'Matthew's favourite places' day?" Dominic joked.
A chuckle rumbled from Matthew's chest. "Maybe," he said coyly. He walked them down the street to the right, arms swishing in the summer breeze, his open jumper fluttering in the wind.
"Tell me then," Dominic smirked, "what's your favourite colour."
"Green," Matthew said simply.
"Favourite book?"
Chewing his bottom lip, Matthew thought hard on the question, running through a list of books that came first to his mind. "Madame Bovary," he said.
"Bollocks," Dom said immediately.
Matthew turned to glance at Dom quickly, stopping at a cross walk to face him. "Why is that bollocks?" he asked.
"Because no one ever truly likes the books they read in school. And I remember having to read that for one of my literature classes. Mind, I love the book, but I don't think it's your favourite." He studied Matthew with a quizzical and curious eye, Matthew's heart rate speeding up under the stare.
"No," Matthew said slowly. "I really do think it's my favourite. I have..." he paused. "It's a long story."
'Tell me," Dominic said evenly.
Matthew couldn't believe he was about to tell Dominic one of his most private memories, something he had only ever told Evan, not even his parents. "When I was in tenth year, we had to read Madame Bovary for English. No one really liked it but me and I was the only one in the class who got an 80% on the final paper. After school, I was walking home and these other guys, these big beefy blokes, who didn't do well on the paper found me and, well, they roughed me up a bit. Called me a poof because I liked a women's novel. Strange how they knew what I found to be true a few years later. Bit ironic, actually."
Dominic said nothing after Matthew had finished his story, and the silence hurt him more than he could have imagined. It was one thing to tell the story to your lover, a man who had gone through the same type of harassment for his 'devious' sexual preference, but to tell it to a man, a beautiful man, who was so evidently straight, was entirely another. And the lack of words, the lack of understanding, seemed to make his blood run cold. In the pause, he began to kick himself for evening sharing the memory.
He continued walking, almost wanting to shake his head for even thinking that it was a smart move to open his mouth, when a strong hand reached out to his shoulder to stop him completely. Turning slowly, he casted his eyes to the cobblestone street they stood on, afraid to even look into the grey orbs that probed him so fully.
"Matt," he heard Dominic say. The nickname, once again, made his heart flutter. "I can't....I am so sorry. I didn't..." Dominic faded off, concern and and sympathy flooding his tone.
Finally, Matthew braved a glance to Dom's eyes, his heart melting completely at the warm gaze, his body held motionless at the sight. "It's ok," he eventually managed to say. "It happens all the time, you know?" He wished he hadn't said something so depressingly generic.
"I wish it didn't," Dominic said sincerely.
They shared a brief, sad smile together, before Dominic shook his demeanor clean, Matthew sensing a subject shift coming.
"Favourite food?" Matthew laughed when he found he was right.
~*~
Dominic entered the hotel bedroom quietly, unsure if Julia had managed to sleep at all during the day. In the early nighttime dark and the light of the muted television, he could see her body laying motionless on the bed. He moved to take off his shoes, hoping that the pads of his feet in socks would ease the noise of his footsteps, but his foot kicked the bag of left over food and Julia stirred at the sound.
"Dominic?" she asked softly.
"Yeah, it's me," he said. "How are you feeling?"
She turned over, bringing her hands to her eyes to rub slowly. "I'm ok, I think. Just achy. How was Matthew?"
Dominic removed his trousers and his shirt, tossing the clothes in a heap at the side of the bed. Placing the bag on the table he pulled out the food and noticed something else inside. "He was great. We went all over today," he said absentmindedly as he pulled out the object. It was a book, and in the dim lighting he could make out the title: The Inhuman: Reflections on Time. He let out a laugh and then felt warmth ooze through his veins like honey. He didn't know if Matthew had bought the book for himself, or if he had intentionally bought it for Dominic, but the gesture was unreasonably kind. Over lunch, and part of dinner, Dominic had pressed Matthew for information about his philosophical knowledge, and for details about this Lyotard man he had never heard of. Now, if Matthew's career failed and he found himself in London without the brunet, he would at least have some reminder, a keepsake, to remember him by; not that he would ever forget him.
"Tell me everything," Julia said, her voice still hoarse from illness.
Hopping into bed, Dominic laid the book on his lap and noticed juice on the table next to her side of the bed. "Oh, I see you got Matt's package."
"I know. Gosh, that was so sweet of him. The juice definitely helped. Tomorrow I'm going to try the crackers."
Dominic stared at all the things in the room that reminded him of Matt, the juice, the book, even the clothes that he had stripped himself from. It was as though all of these things were slowly taking over his life and he was powerless to stop the intrusion.
But he did not mind, and calling it an intrusion was horrifically wrong. Matthew was a wonderful presence in their little world and, as he turned over in the sheets, clutching the book to his chest, he hoped that Matthew's residence in his world would become something permanent.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2010-11-14 09:45 am (UTC)Poor Julia, but Dom and Matt's day out was great :)
Looking forward to more:)
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Date: 2010-11-16 12:23 am (UTC)Poor Julia, indeed :(
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Date: 2010-11-16 12:26 am (UTC)Anyhoo, I'll try really hard not to let this end. Though I might exhaust my creativity trying BUT I WILL DO IT.
Let's go to Madrid together!! Thank you thank you for commenting and reading. I am so happy you're enjoying this and getting something out of it <33 It means so much to me.
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Date: 2010-11-14 10:59 am (UTC)I'm sure your character of Julia is meant to be all sweet and great but the more the story goes on the more I found her just stupid and insufferable. She's just an obstacle between Dom and Matt ^^
Keep going and update soon!!!! ♥
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Date: 2010-11-16 12:30 am (UTC)Aww, well I do love Julia. She is my little hero of this story.
<333 Thank you for your comment sweetness.
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Date: 2010-11-14 01:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-16 12:31 am (UTC):D :D Thank you for your comment sweetness <33
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Date: 2010-11-14 01:44 pm (UTC)I love Julia but I’m kind of glad she was sick so they could have their time alone (actually I kind of panicked for a moment because I thought she might be pregnant haha I think I saw too many Latin soap operas with my mom when I was a kid).This chapter wasn’t pointless at all. The “getting to know each other” part is really important in the beginning of a relationship (it is actually one of my favorites parts) and I love that you dedicated an entire chapter to it. I think it helped Dom to realize that his feelings for Matthew are more than just a simple crush. And I’m so happy he knows now that he wants him as permanent part of his life. The last line was pure genius btw :)
Thank you so much for this lovely chapter; it was brilliant!! I can’t wait to read the next one :)
umm It wasn’t such a short comment after all. I guess I get to exited when it comes to this story ;)
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:30 am (UTC)Funny that you mention the pregnancy thing cause that was actually the furthest thing from my mind. Just lovely that you read into this and care about the characters and the story's future.
Thank you for reading and commenting bb. Honestly, it means the world to me..
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Date: 2010-11-18 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-14 02:44 pm (UTC)Secondly, such a lovely chapter!!! It was sweet for Matt and Dom and I loved their banter. But also, I'm actualy feeling really bad for Julia ): Yeah, I'm kinda like loving her. She's just so nice and gahhh Dom! His confusion is confusing me. Matt and Julia get along! Can't they all just have one giant orgy and then live together!?
There I just revealed your story plot twist.
Re-reading my comment, I see a lot that doesn't make sense. Logically and grammatically. Hrm, I'd fix it… but nah. Fantastic job so far though, bb!! :3
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:31 am (UTC)Poor Julia. She missed out. But there will be plenty of times for the three of them to hang out <3 Orgies are fun! And we all know Kat likes write porn ;)
Your comment made perfect sense. And I love you for taking the time to comment at all <33
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Date: 2010-11-14 04:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-16 01:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-14 04:57 pm (UTC)Good work on getting rid of Julia for the day, but couldn't you have made her go off somewhere Dom didn't want to go? Ohhh no...you insist on making her sick so I continue to like and feel sorry for her. I shall say it again: daaaamn you woman!! *shakes fist*
Very proud that you are keeping up with your word count.. How do you do it?! (says the girl who has done bugger all today except sleep, read slash (but awesome people keep posting!) and work way through 2nd series of Ashes to Ashes)! I wish I had your writing determination.xxx
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:33 am (UTC)I want you to love Julia *nods* I'll try and make you hate her though...
ASHES TO ASHES <3333 HOLY SHEEZ <33 So good. It's worth it bb. totally worth it.
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Date: 2010-11-14 05:12 pm (UTC)Julia getting food poisoning while she's giving head was super (simply cus she was unable to satisfy her man *evil grin*), Dom finishing himself off with thoughts of Matt was just epic!
His feelings are growing like the newborn, soon he won't be able to hide them at all!
I loved, loved, loved that you made it "Matthew's favourite places" day, Dom getting under Matt's skin like that is all shades of awesome!
So here I am again, just dying for your next update. The Long Surrender is a story I'll never forget. <3
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:35 am (UTC)LOL I love you and your queer theory reading of the chapter.
So here I am again, just dying for your next update. The Long Surrender is a story I'll never forget. <3
This...actually makes me want to cry. You have absolutely no idea how much you saying this means to me. Honestly, I am so self-conscious about my writing. I never think it's good enough and for you to say this...I just...omg....*smish*
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Date: 2010-11-16 09:23 am (UTC)Hehe I know I have a sick, twisted mind and I've recently discovered that I'm also a completely innocent looking closet perv lol!
Oh pwease don't cry hun, I just want you to have credit for your hard work. I'm sure you've put both blood, sweat and tears into this, I can feel it in the core of my being whenever I read. *BIG HUG*
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Date: 2010-11-14 05:20 pm (UTC)another beautiful chapter darling. you're well on your way to meeting your goal! well done you!<333
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:36 am (UTC)I love you so much!
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Date: 2010-11-14 06:15 pm (UTC)You made me feel sorry for Julia, and I soooooo don't want to. Loved the back-and-forth questions between those two, quite typical for a first date, even if they may not acknowledge it yet.
I can't wait to read more!
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:38 am (UTC)*hugs* Thank you bb!
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Date: 2010-11-14 06:32 pm (UTC)LOL. Awwww, Julia, I love you... I've been the "get away, I'm disgusting" person when sick or hungover, definitely. Relatable.
A wistful look painted itself on Dom's features, the expression something totally unique and stunning. Matthew was sure he'd never see anything like it again.
That little description really tickled my fancy -- one of the most charming things a person can do in front of you is dream... as in, daydream or wish or hope. It's sort of a personal thing, isn't it? That's why when my friend or my boyfriend or my mother starts going on about what they'd like to do or have, and they're staring at a wall like it's a canvass, it makes me so happy. I love watching them chase dreams that way -- it's a romantic notion. :)
Dominic stared at all the things in the room that reminded him of Matt, the juice, the book, even the clothes that he had stripped himself from. It was as though all of these things were slowly taking over his life and he was powerless to stop the intrusion.
Another GREAT, accurate description. I have these moments a lot. All it takes is one look around your own room, and the things you see are so attached to people and places that you actually start seeing a living photo album instead. Weird, how we give objects their own presences and link things like that in our minds so vividly that possessions can almost make it like a person is still in the room.
GAH, THIS FIC. :-D
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:40 am (UTC)You just get right in there and just freaking UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING. It's like you're in my mind. I love you. Did I mention that yet. I totally do.
I LOVE that wistful, daydream look. It just...omg. It really makes me fall for someone :$ I'm a sucker for romantic fantasizing. Sigh.
You are so...I just....*hugs* Thank you !!!
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Date: 2010-11-14 07:17 pm (UTC)Little notes on the UK education system: to get an 80% on something is amazing. They don't really grade papers on the A to F scale and to get a 65% is awesome. To get an 80% is pretty much like getting a 99% on a paper. Wow, news to me! xD Actually, we do grade papers, although we use percentages too: like an A* is 90%, an A is 80%, a B is 70% and so on, but A* only got introduced this year.
Wow, I feel spesh, I'm predicted an A* and two As, Cambridge's requirements *does a happy dance* :3
I'm happy to help with any Bwitishism at all :)
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:45 am (UTC)Really? When I lived in England they did the "70% was the best you could do." I did get a 80% though and died. I miss living in England. Take me back?
WELL DONE YOU OH MY GOSH <33333 *hugs*
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Date: 2010-11-16 08:05 am (UTC)Yes, of course! *grabs and pulls* :P ♥
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Date: 2010-11-14 08:10 pm (UTC)I can't wait for more!! *hugs*
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Date: 2010-11-14 08:11 pm (UTC)OMG you like IAMX! I love you already haha XD
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Date: 2010-11-14 08:27 pm (UTC)I was like, "is that... in that icon? O_O"
IAMX <3333
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Date: 2010-11-14 08:50 pm (UTC)God, MS is like my heaven in so many different ways.
And yes, it bloody well is...mmft ;)
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Date: 2010-11-14 09:11 pm (UTC)*throws confetti for sexy music fans*
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Date: 2010-11-14 09:34 pm (UTC)You guys get: AN IAMX GIF!!
*squeezes you both* i need more of them in my life!!
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Date: 2010-11-14 09:56 pm (UTC)That is CC tongue PRON...mmm. Thank you for this wonderful gif ;) I don't know how to post one so i can't return the favour...*is no good with LJ really*
*squeezes back*
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-14 08:23 pm (UTC)What a fantastic chapter, I love the whole "getting to know each other"-bit, it is just as important, if not even the most important part! :D poor Julia, I really do feel bad for her, but we all know everyone here is secretly happy for the time it gave our boys <3
What can I say? It is just lovely to see them share thoughts and interests and just bond! And the end, Dom beginning to see Matt in all the stuff in his room - gah, this slow build up to the realisation just how much they mean to each other, or will mean to each other. The pace is just <3 even if the sexual frustration slowly kills me. Speaking of which, Dom toching himself and thinking of Matthew... and not even feeling any guilt afterwards... just a minute, I'll be over here at the fridge, cooling myself down.
This fic <3333 and GO GO GO, keep up the awesome work, you're doing so fricking well and getting closer and closer to the goal! :D *HUGS*
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:47 am (UTC)I was secretly happy to shove her away too, shh. She can't find out or she'll find me and hit me T_T
Everything is coming together and you're commenting and being made of win. Oh gosh. COMMENT ON MY THINGS FOREVER BECAUSE YOU ARE A DRUG DEALER! I am addicted to your words O____O
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Date: 2010-11-14 10:46 pm (UTC)Well...I found it cruel that Dom let her sleep in the bathroom, hahahaha, was it so hard to pick her up and carry her to bed? lol And then Dom touching himself, ouch. He´s quite smitten, isn´t he?
Dom and Matt´s conversation was lovely, I enjoyed it. But this bit:
When I was in tenth year, we had to read Madame Bovary for English. No one really liked it but me and I was the only one in the class who got an 80% on the final paper. After school, I was walking home and these other guys, these big beefy blokes, who didn't do well on the paper found me and, well, they roughed me up a bit. Called me a poof because I liked a women's novel. Strange how they knew what I found to be true a few years later. Bit ironic, actually."
That´s so sad ._. Poor little man.
Dunno what to expect, and at the same time, I´m expecting too many things, if you know what I mean, hehehe ;b Anyways, I want more. I love how you´re developing Matt and Dom´s friendship, the sexual tension is subtle yet present, it´s there all the time and it´s growing. You´re doing a great job.
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:53 am (UTC)Well, to be fair, she just wanted to be left alone. That's how I am when I'm sick. I'm so pathetic and lame.
Poor gay boy :( :( He knows so much sadness. I just want to hold him. So So much <33
Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I love you for it <33
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Date: 2010-11-15 02:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-16 01:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-11-15 03:17 am (UTC)The bit about him finding the Inhuman in his bag <3
Btw I'm buying that book next time I go to the bookstore.
the bit where Matt says the bookstore is his church. I love that. I have some sick adoration with religious references. Frankly, I don't know why.
I love this. I love you. I love Matt and Dom. I like Julia. I'd love more, yeah? Don't make me whip out my swizzle sticks and get down to business.
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Date: 2010-11-16 01:55 am (UTC)RAPEYOURFACEVERILY
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Date: 2010-11-18 01:16 am (UTC)Matthew was stunned into silence, regarding the blonde with an ache in his gut as he processed his words. Everything he had described, he once had with Evan. Every happy moment that Dominic was fantasizing had been his reality. And now he had none of it. But it was, while it lasted, impossibly beautiful.
I keep coming back to this. I love that while it still hurts, Matthew can look back and agree that it was indeed beautiful while he had it. I hope someday I can do the same thing. I love your Matthew's heart so much. He's a singularly gentle soul.
Now, if Matthew's career failed and he found himself in London without the brunet, he would at least have some reminder, a keepsake, to remember him by; not that he would ever forget him.
I love the sentiment behind this, even though they're still getting to know each other. This sort of instant connection is something that I would love to be able to experience. And a fic like this gives me hope that all of us can find it someday. I can't wait to see where this fic goes, bb, in your sure hands I KNOW that it's gonna be amazing.
<3 <3 <3 <3
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Date: 2010-11-18 06:22 am (UTC)Lyotard! It's really odd that the majority of my philosophy comes from literary theory (despite having required philosophy classes). Anyway, he was a cool dude.
Matt & Dom's Day Out (yes, it's labeled in my head) = adorable. And Dom's reaction to Matt teaching him Spanish--I think they might get a bit distracted...
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Date: 2011-01-25 09:56 am (UTC)Sending juice to poor Julia! And I like that they got to spend the day together! <3