The Long Surrender: 25A/30
Nov. 9th, 2011 09:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lalalive23Title: The Long Surrender
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lalalive23
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Fluff and smut
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world is turned upside down and nothing is the same again.
Feedback: Taste like chocolate rain....sung to the tune of Purple Rain.
Disclaimer: I do not own Muse. I do not own anything. This never happened. I don't make money off of this. Holy god, if I did...dreams would be coming true.
Note: This is the part where I whine about how I didn't like writing this chapter. This is also the part where I talk about how sorry I am I haven't posted it since June. This is the part where a lot of shit happens. But mostly, this is where I say: 1. If have been waiting for a chapter update and have remained loyal to this story, I love you. 2. I love my angel betassunshine_173, sheerpoetry, and kaosspad. 3. Thank you to millionstar and mrkwest for reading pieces of this as it grew in development. 4. I love my readers. I genuinely do.
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14A Chapter 14B Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24
Merely three days before the first show at 12 Bar, Dominic found Matthew in his bathroom, cowering between his porcelain tub and the toilet. His gaze was fixed at nothing in particular, and Dom was unsure he even registered his presence. In the weeks that had passed, he had watched Matthew become devoured by two different personalities. As they embarked on an exploration of Dominic's sexuality, the guitarist had adopted the role of teacher. Eroticism made a home for itself on his body and saturated his mannerisms, making it difficult for Dom to resist any advances made towards him. But then there were quiet moments, when the prospect of sexual contact barely crossed his mind, and he transformed into a man riddled with anxiety and pressure. The difference was staggering and Dominic was still trying to cope with the sudden shifts.
“What are you doing in here?” he asked quietly.
“Thinking,” Matthew replied after several moments, voice dragging on a low monotone.
“In the bathroom?”
Matthew supplied him with a nearly imperceptible nod. “Have you noticed that the bathroom is the quietest place in the house? Everywhere else seems so loud after you leave.”
Moving through the doorway, he came to sit next to Matthew, resting his back against the side of the bathtub as his legs stretched to the nook between the sink and the bin. Neither of them spoke, there was no need. Tension and fear had permeated the air, spreading from Matthew's body into the small room. With his knees to his chest, he appeared so fragile and small. He had fallen prey to his thoughts, slowly allowing himself to be broken apart and Dominic felt desperate to save him.
Unable to tolerate seeing him appear so alone, he brought his hand to Matthew's, threading their fingers together as they rested atop his knee. Fingertips stroking idly at the valleys between his knuckles, Dominic waited patiently for his lover to speak.
"I can't do this," Matthew said softly. "I just….I can't." With a sigh he shut his eyes and rested his head against the wall behind him.
Dominic knew all the reasons why Matthew felt performing in London was an impossibility, and he thought that if Matthew was so concerned with Evan's presence then his fears must run deeper than he initially let on.
"Look, Matt," he began, eyes focused on the floor. "If you have these…reservations about playing a gig because of Evan…or what you feel for him, then…I really think we need to talk about this. Because this is something much bigger than just a gig and it involves me too."
Quickly, blue eyes opened and regarded him with confusion.
"No, it has nothing to do with longing for or feeling something for Evan," Matthew said, sternly. "Don't ever think that it does. It's…this whole situation." He turned his eyes to their joined hands and sighed before he continued. "Doing this reminds me of how easily someone I loved discovered they could break my trust. Being up there is going to make me remember it and live it again - I don't want to, trust me I don't. But this…forces me to remember and makes me worry that you will leave me too."
Dominic's breath caught in his throat as his heart began to break."How could you think I would do that to you? I'm here, I'm going to be there and I am not going anywhere."
A small smile changed Matthew's expression, his eyes looking tired and defiant. "Is it so much of a stretch? Do I need to walk you through everything that's happened the past few months? Don't pretend it couldn't happen…I think about it all the time." Again, his eyes returned to their hands.
Having tried, over the past few weeks, multiple tactics of making Matthew see that the show at 12 Bar would be different, that Evan could only hurt him if he allowed him, Dominic decided on attempting something new. For if Matthew was going to truthfully feel he would regret going on stage, he knew he would be utterly destroyed if he didn't try at all.
With a small sigh, Dominic began to delve into a story that he had not shared with anyone, including Julia. "The last time I ever spoke to my dad, the catalyst that made my dad leave, I was in college and I was doing all the A-Levels my dad chose for me. But…I wanted to be an artist. So I worked out this deal with the art teacher, and every day after school I was working on pieces for my portfolio. I thought that if I made these pieces for this showcase, where all these uni advisors and recruiters would attend, then maybe I could convince my dad to let me study it."
Confusion pooled in Matthew's irises before he spoke. "I thought you said your mum didn't support you?"
"My mother followed my dad's opinion," Dom conceded. "I think she did it cause she was afraid of him, though truthfully she just wanted me to be happy. But, anyway. I lied to him and told him that he had to come to the school for a conference with my teachers to talk about my future - it was the only way I could get him to come. I wasn't doing a sport, I wasn't in a play, there was no reason for me to have to go to school so late. I had my own section of this wall and all my pieces were mounted. I genuinely thought he would see that I was talented and I had a future."
"What happened?" Matthew was riveted, concern clouding the eyes that had locked onto the blonde.
"Looking back, I don't know what else I expected," he whispered, shaking his head, eyes forward toward the sink cupboard. "He was furious, of course. The thought that I lied to him and gone behind his back, he couldn't shake it. Then he went on about how I'd wasted my time when I could have worked on papers or done something else with my time for a practical career. He just hated everything; had such a sense of vengeance for my creativity. When we got home, he found the canvas sheets I'd kept in my room and burned them."
They remained silent for a moment, and Dominic relived the painful memory of the way his father stormed into their back garden, tossing the canvas onto the ground as he set them ablaze. Standing alone on the concrete of their patio, he had begged his father to stop, yelled for his mother to make him see clearly but she just stood in the window of their kitchen. She remained completely silent, remained stoic as though she were watching a film. Vividly in his mind, he saw his father rush back into the house, pushing him out of the way to fight with his mother about why she let him dither his future away on paint and charcoal. It was the beginning of the end and it only took one night for the family to fall apart. One night before his father walked away after leaving his family behind, decimated.
He brought himself back to the present, remembering that he did have a very important point to make.
"I never…bothered to try after that," he said, chewing his bottom lip. "Sometimes, I sit in front of a blank canvas and I see my dad's face. All that hate. And I think, 'what's the point?' For years I avoided art because it reminded me how I was the reason my mother lost her husband and her family, how we just fell apart."
His gaze returned to Matthew's face and the look of concern he found made his heart warm after hardening in recollection. "My point is that I don't want you avoiding this gig because of something that happened. I don't want you to realize, maybe years from now or maybe minutes before you die, how wonderful you are. How fantastic your music is. Cause if you start avoiding this you will start to avoid others, and I can't let that happen. I can't watch you become filled with regret."
After a moment's pause, Matthew began to scoot along the floor towards Dominic, never once pulling their hands apart. As soon as he was close enough to do so, he rested his head against Dominic's shoulder and the blonde was assaulted with the scent of shampoo and musk. Inhaling deeply, he pressed his nose to Matt's hair before planting a soft kiss to the crown of his head.
"It's ridiculous how one thing can change how you live the rest of your life," Matt said after a time.
Slowly, Dom nodded before he spoke. "If at any point you are sitting on that stage and you think your memories will hurt you, just look at me. The only people that need to be at this gig are you and me. Fuck everyone else, they don't matter. It will just be us and the only place I'm going is home with you."
The grip on his hand tightened, and his body warmed as Matthew snuggled closer to him, clinging to his body as though he were a security blanket. They stayed like that, simply holding one another in comfortable silence, until it became necessary that they sought new scenery. It was with great effort that they extracted themselves from the room, and while they did not exit Matthew's home for the rest of the evening neither did he stray too far from wherever Dominic was.
~~
It was on the day of his first performance that the nervous energy possessing Matthew transformed into adrenaline, tracing a course along his body that produced almost graceful movements from his limbs. The excitement of a performance suited him, his features possessing a glow that resonated from his core. As it was Dominic's first day with Matthew on the day of a performance, he soon realized how different a man he was in the hours before he took the stage.
The composure with which he held himself during soundcheck was awe inspiring. Intricately small details did not escape his attention, a perfectionist blossoming from within him to organize the vision he had in his mind. With wide eyes, Dominic watched him as though he were a new man, studying the way he tuned his guitar with the caress one would give to a lover and changed the lighting to match the music.
And it was present in the way that Matthew had dressed, the black skinnies he wore acting like paint on his skin, that a hidden confidence made itself known. A change in his walk as he moved from the stage to the back room, hips adopting a new sway, made Dominic's eyes pause just a bit longer before he followed close behind. Minutes seemed to slip by, showing no change in Matthew's demeanor, his fingers channeling his energy as they trilled in scales at his side. He was alluring and yet seemed miles away, only coming back to Earth when Richard appeared in the doorway, waving a bottle of water to get his attention.
"You're on in a couple minutes," Richard said, sliding into the room. "Quite packed out there."
He placed the water bottle on the table and turned to Matthew, who was seated next to Dominic on the small dingy couch that rested close to the floor.
"Break a leg," he offered, shaking the guitarist's hand as Matthew came to stand. "Quite exciting."
"Thanks, mate," Matthew said happily, Dominic rising next to him.
"See you out there!" Smiling, Richard left the room, allowing the sound of chatter to infiltrate the room before silencing it with the door.
The pair returned their gaze to one another, Matthew smiling nervously at Dominic. No longer was he a fragile man hiding with delicate porcelain, merely he was a musician facing a fear he never thought he would have.
Stepping closer, Dom reached for Matthew's arms, thumbs running circles at the crocks of his elbows.
"Nervous?" he asked.
Matthew nodded slowly, his eyes cast down to his feet. "I blocked it out all day, and now it's just…back in full force."
The quiet enveloped them for several seconds before Dominic pulled Matthew to him.
"Ok." Dom said, holding Matt's face between his hands. "Just….enjoy yourself out there. And remember: just look at me. It's you and me out there. Just you and me."
They held the position for some time, sharing breaths that came in sighs as their foreheads came to touch. Dominic felt he was swimming in Matthew's eyes before he closed his lids, and Dominic watched the way his lashes came to rest on his cheekbones. Blonde and brown hair came to mix before their lips touched gently together and Matthew pulled away to nod slightly. Opening his eyes, Matthew beamed, his nose coming to touch Dominic's gently. Their lips touched once more in a chaste kiss before Matthew walked out the door and onto the stage.
Left alone in the dim lighting of the room, Dom took several moments to compose himself as the muffled cheers of those in the audience welcomed Matthew on stage. Bereft, he struggled to gather his feelings and to understand them. The chemicals of their connection, both physical and emotional, were settling in his stomach, as though a circuit had formed in their kiss allowing Matthew to transfer his energy into Dom. The chasteness of the kiss, however, left Dominic starving for more contact, for more skin. He suddenly became highly aware that nothing would be enough until Matthew was completely his. And while he knew he should be shocked by the revelation, he only cared that he needed to wait and share his lover with one hundred strangers before the evening was through.
Dom exited the room and found that getting to the bar was a difficult task. The small club had been pushed to capacity, thanks to the extraordinary promotion that Ian and Richard had accomplished. He squeezed carefully between the bodies of strangers until he found a comfortable position against the left side of the bar.
The difficulty with which he was able to focus on both Matthew and the audience seemed to increase with every strum of Matthew's fingers on a string. His senses were overwhelmed by Matthew, the sight and sound of him, feeling as though his nerves had memories and were recalling the way his skin felt pressed against his. Perhaps it was because he had explored Matthew's body with care, learning every sinew of skin and bone with undivided attention, or because there seemed to be something electric and new in the way Matthew played his guitar, but Dominic felt the difference in the atmosphere of the evening, felt it pool hot within his groin making him salivate and grip the edge of the bar behind him in desire.
And suddenly, blue eyes had locked with his. Quite unlike the first time, when the shock of such an action had left him staggered and gasping for breath, he felt as though he were coming home. In that moment, no one else existed, it was just them - two people finding comfort in a sea of nameless faces. Where music and performance entrapped themselves in Matthew's fingers, need, desire and affection existed in his eyes and instantly Dominic was reminded of his possessive sense of ownership. He wanted no one else, and he wanted Matthew all to himself.
He was unsure how much time had passed once the guitarist shut his eyes once more, terminating their comfortable stare. Almost instantly, he missed him. A longing unlike any other he had experienced came to rest within the crevices of his heart. Memories flooded him: the taste of Matthew's sex, the altar of his body, the shape of his mouth just before orgasm. The images would not rest, berating his mind in an onslaught of pleasure and frustration.
A man clutching a beer slid next to Dominic, his head slowly bobbing in rhythm to the music. His slender body squeezed into the only available space in the room, maintaining an awkward position in order to fit. For several minutes, Dominic alternated his gaze from the stranger to Matthew, the other man focused intently on the performance. Finally, he decided to speak.
"Who is this guy? He's pretty good." He did not look Dominic in the eyes, merely leaned his head in his general direction in oder to be heard.
Dominic smiled in his reply. "His name is Matt. Matt Bellamy." He watched Matthew for some moments, the audience clapping as a song finished before he moved into another. "Can you believe he was nervous?"
That got the man's attention. He turned to Dom with a look of shock. "You know him?"
A thrill seemed to overtake his reply, the words erupting from his chest before he could even think to stop them. "He's my boyfriend."
Saying it, out loud and proudly, to someone that was not Ian or Julia suddenly gave Dominic an overwhelming sense of affirmation. Knowing the truth in private, while satisfying, immediately became diminished by the immediate liberation brought on by public admission. And then he could not remember why he had ever hesitated to say it at all.
The man nodded. "Right on." He turned his face to the stage once more, leaning his head towards Dominic one final time to speak. "Tell him he's got a fan. Never seen anything like this. It's pretty cool."
Pride swelled within Dominic, brimming over and dripping down his throat like honey. "I will," he said, though he wasn't sure the other man was paying attention. "He would love that."
Love seemed to linger on his tongue, the word attempting to breach the levee of his lips. It begged to be released into the melody of the atmosphere, wishing to take on a different and heavier meaning. Forcing the word back down his throat, he brought his eyes once more to the man on stage and let the vision of his rapture warm the blood inside his veins.
Having committed the setlist to memory during soundcheck, Dominic braved the audience once more knowing that the set was coming to a close. Slithering between people, attempting to become somewhat two-dimensional, he moved towards the back and shut himself in the small room to wait for Matthew's return. Pressing his back against the door, he shut his eyes and listened to the quiet hums of Matthew's guitar.
Not so long ago, he had done the same against Matthew's bedroom door, popping over for a surprise visit to find him practicing in his room. He had listened, resting against the wood as though it were an old friend while he waited for the song to end. There, in the back room of an indie club, Dominic imagined he was back in the flat, the feeling just as intimate as it was before.
It was not long before a thunderclap of applause broke Dominic form his reverie, the sound carrying along the wavelength of the floorboards through the thin wood. He backed away, awaiting Matthew's arrival and felt himself become somewhat awkward, feeling as though he were unnatural and posed. He was not given long to think about a change of position, as Matthew swept into the room, his forehead lined with sweat and his breath coming in shot hollow gasps.
"So?" Dom asked.
A high pitched laugh tumbled from the brunette, his eyes sparkling with joy. "Unbelievable."
It took only seconds for their bodies to come together in a tight hug.
"Thank you," Matthew said, his voice muffled by Dom's shoulder.
"I did nothing, really."
Dark hair shook as Matthew moved in disagreement, his face dragging along Dominic's skin on an inhale. Eventually, their lips met in a kiss that started innocent and sweet before graduating to a higher level of need. And, once more, Dominic felt the need to possess his boyfriend, while feeling more that he was the one who needed ownership to be marked on his body.
Matthew sucked on his bottom lip, a low groan escaping his through before he spoke. "I was looking at you."
"I know," Dominic panted. "I was watching." He groped along the curve of Matt's arse, his fingers pressing into the tender flesh in rhythm.
"I felt you, Dominic," Matt sighed, running his nose along the line of Dominic's jaw to his ear. "I felt you and I wanted you next to me." He hushed himself to a whisper, his breath toying with the hair at the base of his neck before his tongue made contact with sensitive skin.
"I wanted you too," Dominic whispered, a shiver tip-toeing along his spine. "But I think I'm a bit more possessive."
As if to prove a point, Matthew flattened himself against Dominic's body and Dom felt helpless to push him away. He clung to the other man's body, his hips pressing heartbeats into Matthew's pelvic bone. If he truly were in private, he would allow himself to get off on the contact. Instead, he began to shake his head as he scratched his nails at Matthew's tailbone.
"Not here, not here. I want to go to bed," he gasped. Matthew pulled away to look him in the eye, his gaze clouded with lust and confusion.
Dom braced himself for his confession, his tongue sliding along Matthew's cupid's bow before he spoke.
"I want you. All of you."
Author:
lalalive23Pairing: Belldom
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Fluff and smut
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world is turned upside down and nothing is the same again.
Feedback: Taste like chocolate rain....sung to the tune of Purple Rain.
Disclaimer: I do not own Muse. I do not own anything. This never happened. I don't make money off of this. Holy god, if I did...dreams would be coming true.
Note: This is the part where I whine about how I didn't like writing this chapter. This is also the part where I talk about how sorry I am I haven't posted it since June. This is the part where a lot of shit happens. But mostly, this is where I say: 1. If have been waiting for a chapter update and have remained loyal to this story, I love you. 2. I love my angel betas
sunshine_173, sheerpoetry, and kaosspad. 3. Thank you to millionstar and mrkwest for reading pieces of this as it grew in development. 4. I love my readers. I genuinely do.Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14A Chapter 14B Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24
Merely three days before the first show at 12 Bar, Dominic found Matthew in his bathroom, cowering between his porcelain tub and the toilet. His gaze was fixed at nothing in particular, and Dom was unsure he even registered his presence. In the weeks that had passed, he had watched Matthew become devoured by two different personalities. As they embarked on an exploration of Dominic's sexuality, the guitarist had adopted the role of teacher. Eroticism made a home for itself on his body and saturated his mannerisms, making it difficult for Dom to resist any advances made towards him. But then there were quiet moments, when the prospect of sexual contact barely crossed his mind, and he transformed into a man riddled with anxiety and pressure. The difference was staggering and Dominic was still trying to cope with the sudden shifts.
“What are you doing in here?” he asked quietly.
“Thinking,” Matthew replied after several moments, voice dragging on a low monotone.
“In the bathroom?”
Matthew supplied him with a nearly imperceptible nod. “Have you noticed that the bathroom is the quietest place in the house? Everywhere else seems so loud after you leave.”
Moving through the doorway, he came to sit next to Matthew, resting his back against the side of the bathtub as his legs stretched to the nook between the sink and the bin. Neither of them spoke, there was no need. Tension and fear had permeated the air, spreading from Matthew's body into the small room. With his knees to his chest, he appeared so fragile and small. He had fallen prey to his thoughts, slowly allowing himself to be broken apart and Dominic felt desperate to save him.
Unable to tolerate seeing him appear so alone, he brought his hand to Matthew's, threading their fingers together as they rested atop his knee. Fingertips stroking idly at the valleys between his knuckles, Dominic waited patiently for his lover to speak.
"I can't do this," Matthew said softly. "I just….I can't." With a sigh he shut his eyes and rested his head against the wall behind him.
Dominic knew all the reasons why Matthew felt performing in London was an impossibility, and he thought that if Matthew was so concerned with Evan's presence then his fears must run deeper than he initially let on.
"Look, Matt," he began, eyes focused on the floor. "If you have these…reservations about playing a gig because of Evan…or what you feel for him, then…I really think we need to talk about this. Because this is something much bigger than just a gig and it involves me too."
Quickly, blue eyes opened and regarded him with confusion.
"No, it has nothing to do with longing for or feeling something for Evan," Matthew said, sternly. "Don't ever think that it does. It's…this whole situation." He turned his eyes to their joined hands and sighed before he continued. "Doing this reminds me of how easily someone I loved discovered they could break my trust. Being up there is going to make me remember it and live it again - I don't want to, trust me I don't. But this…forces me to remember and makes me worry that you will leave me too."
Dominic's breath caught in his throat as his heart began to break."How could you think I would do that to you? I'm here, I'm going to be there and I am not going anywhere."
A small smile changed Matthew's expression, his eyes looking tired and defiant. "Is it so much of a stretch? Do I need to walk you through everything that's happened the past few months? Don't pretend it couldn't happen…I think about it all the time." Again, his eyes returned to their hands.
Having tried, over the past few weeks, multiple tactics of making Matthew see that the show at 12 Bar would be different, that Evan could only hurt him if he allowed him, Dominic decided on attempting something new. For if Matthew was going to truthfully feel he would regret going on stage, he knew he would be utterly destroyed if he didn't try at all.
With a small sigh, Dominic began to delve into a story that he had not shared with anyone, including Julia. "The last time I ever spoke to my dad, the catalyst that made my dad leave, I was in college and I was doing all the A-Levels my dad chose for me. But…I wanted to be an artist. So I worked out this deal with the art teacher, and every day after school I was working on pieces for my portfolio. I thought that if I made these pieces for this showcase, where all these uni advisors and recruiters would attend, then maybe I could convince my dad to let me study it."
Confusion pooled in Matthew's irises before he spoke. "I thought you said your mum didn't support you?"
"My mother followed my dad's opinion," Dom conceded. "I think she did it cause she was afraid of him, though truthfully she just wanted me to be happy. But, anyway. I lied to him and told him that he had to come to the school for a conference with my teachers to talk about my future - it was the only way I could get him to come. I wasn't doing a sport, I wasn't in a play, there was no reason for me to have to go to school so late. I had my own section of this wall and all my pieces were mounted. I genuinely thought he would see that I was talented and I had a future."
"What happened?" Matthew was riveted, concern clouding the eyes that had locked onto the blonde.
"Looking back, I don't know what else I expected," he whispered, shaking his head, eyes forward toward the sink cupboard. "He was furious, of course. The thought that I lied to him and gone behind his back, he couldn't shake it. Then he went on about how I'd wasted my time when I could have worked on papers or done something else with my time for a practical career. He just hated everything; had such a sense of vengeance for my creativity. When we got home, he found the canvas sheets I'd kept in my room and burned them."
They remained silent for a moment, and Dominic relived the painful memory of the way his father stormed into their back garden, tossing the canvas onto the ground as he set them ablaze. Standing alone on the concrete of their patio, he had begged his father to stop, yelled for his mother to make him see clearly but she just stood in the window of their kitchen. She remained completely silent, remained stoic as though she were watching a film. Vividly in his mind, he saw his father rush back into the house, pushing him out of the way to fight with his mother about why she let him dither his future away on paint and charcoal. It was the beginning of the end and it only took one night for the family to fall apart. One night before his father walked away after leaving his family behind, decimated.
He brought himself back to the present, remembering that he did have a very important point to make.
"I never…bothered to try after that," he said, chewing his bottom lip. "Sometimes, I sit in front of a blank canvas and I see my dad's face. All that hate. And I think, 'what's the point?' For years I avoided art because it reminded me how I was the reason my mother lost her husband and her family, how we just fell apart."
His gaze returned to Matthew's face and the look of concern he found made his heart warm after hardening in recollection. "My point is that I don't want you avoiding this gig because of something that happened. I don't want you to realize, maybe years from now or maybe minutes before you die, how wonderful you are. How fantastic your music is. Cause if you start avoiding this you will start to avoid others, and I can't let that happen. I can't watch you become filled with regret."
After a moment's pause, Matthew began to scoot along the floor towards Dominic, never once pulling their hands apart. As soon as he was close enough to do so, he rested his head against Dominic's shoulder and the blonde was assaulted with the scent of shampoo and musk. Inhaling deeply, he pressed his nose to Matt's hair before planting a soft kiss to the crown of his head.
"It's ridiculous how one thing can change how you live the rest of your life," Matt said after a time.
Slowly, Dom nodded before he spoke. "If at any point you are sitting on that stage and you think your memories will hurt you, just look at me. The only people that need to be at this gig are you and me. Fuck everyone else, they don't matter. It will just be us and the only place I'm going is home with you."
The grip on his hand tightened, and his body warmed as Matthew snuggled closer to him, clinging to his body as though he were a security blanket. They stayed like that, simply holding one another in comfortable silence, until it became necessary that they sought new scenery. It was with great effort that they extracted themselves from the room, and while they did not exit Matthew's home for the rest of the evening neither did he stray too far from wherever Dominic was.
~~
It was on the day of his first performance that the nervous energy possessing Matthew transformed into adrenaline, tracing a course along his body that produced almost graceful movements from his limbs. The excitement of a performance suited him, his features possessing a glow that resonated from his core. As it was Dominic's first day with Matthew on the day of a performance, he soon realized how different a man he was in the hours before he took the stage.
The composure with which he held himself during soundcheck was awe inspiring. Intricately small details did not escape his attention, a perfectionist blossoming from within him to organize the vision he had in his mind. With wide eyes, Dominic watched him as though he were a new man, studying the way he tuned his guitar with the caress one would give to a lover and changed the lighting to match the music.
And it was present in the way that Matthew had dressed, the black skinnies he wore acting like paint on his skin, that a hidden confidence made itself known. A change in his walk as he moved from the stage to the back room, hips adopting a new sway, made Dominic's eyes pause just a bit longer before he followed close behind. Minutes seemed to slip by, showing no change in Matthew's demeanor, his fingers channeling his energy as they trilled in scales at his side. He was alluring and yet seemed miles away, only coming back to Earth when Richard appeared in the doorway, waving a bottle of water to get his attention.
"You're on in a couple minutes," Richard said, sliding into the room. "Quite packed out there."
He placed the water bottle on the table and turned to Matthew, who was seated next to Dominic on the small dingy couch that rested close to the floor.
"Break a leg," he offered, shaking the guitarist's hand as Matthew came to stand. "Quite exciting."
"Thanks, mate," Matthew said happily, Dominic rising next to him.
"See you out there!" Smiling, Richard left the room, allowing the sound of chatter to infiltrate the room before silencing it with the door.
The pair returned their gaze to one another, Matthew smiling nervously at Dominic. No longer was he a fragile man hiding with delicate porcelain, merely he was a musician facing a fear he never thought he would have.
Stepping closer, Dom reached for Matthew's arms, thumbs running circles at the crocks of his elbows.
"Nervous?" he asked.
Matthew nodded slowly, his eyes cast down to his feet. "I blocked it out all day, and now it's just…back in full force."
The quiet enveloped them for several seconds before Dominic pulled Matthew to him.
"Ok." Dom said, holding Matt's face between his hands. "Just….enjoy yourself out there. And remember: just look at me. It's you and me out there. Just you and me."
They held the position for some time, sharing breaths that came in sighs as their foreheads came to touch. Dominic felt he was swimming in Matthew's eyes before he closed his lids, and Dominic watched the way his lashes came to rest on his cheekbones. Blonde and brown hair came to mix before their lips touched gently together and Matthew pulled away to nod slightly. Opening his eyes, Matthew beamed, his nose coming to touch Dominic's gently. Their lips touched once more in a chaste kiss before Matthew walked out the door and onto the stage.
Left alone in the dim lighting of the room, Dom took several moments to compose himself as the muffled cheers of those in the audience welcomed Matthew on stage. Bereft, he struggled to gather his feelings and to understand them. The chemicals of their connection, both physical and emotional, were settling in his stomach, as though a circuit had formed in their kiss allowing Matthew to transfer his energy into Dom. The chasteness of the kiss, however, left Dominic starving for more contact, for more skin. He suddenly became highly aware that nothing would be enough until Matthew was completely his. And while he knew he should be shocked by the revelation, he only cared that he needed to wait and share his lover with one hundred strangers before the evening was through.
Dom exited the room and found that getting to the bar was a difficult task. The small club had been pushed to capacity, thanks to the extraordinary promotion that Ian and Richard had accomplished. He squeezed carefully between the bodies of strangers until he found a comfortable position against the left side of the bar.
The difficulty with which he was able to focus on both Matthew and the audience seemed to increase with every strum of Matthew's fingers on a string. His senses were overwhelmed by Matthew, the sight and sound of him, feeling as though his nerves had memories and were recalling the way his skin felt pressed against his. Perhaps it was because he had explored Matthew's body with care, learning every sinew of skin and bone with undivided attention, or because there seemed to be something electric and new in the way Matthew played his guitar, but Dominic felt the difference in the atmosphere of the evening, felt it pool hot within his groin making him salivate and grip the edge of the bar behind him in desire.
And suddenly, blue eyes had locked with his. Quite unlike the first time, when the shock of such an action had left him staggered and gasping for breath, he felt as though he were coming home. In that moment, no one else existed, it was just them - two people finding comfort in a sea of nameless faces. Where music and performance entrapped themselves in Matthew's fingers, need, desire and affection existed in his eyes and instantly Dominic was reminded of his possessive sense of ownership. He wanted no one else, and he wanted Matthew all to himself.
He was unsure how much time had passed once the guitarist shut his eyes once more, terminating their comfortable stare. Almost instantly, he missed him. A longing unlike any other he had experienced came to rest within the crevices of his heart. Memories flooded him: the taste of Matthew's sex, the altar of his body, the shape of his mouth just before orgasm. The images would not rest, berating his mind in an onslaught of pleasure and frustration.
A man clutching a beer slid next to Dominic, his head slowly bobbing in rhythm to the music. His slender body squeezed into the only available space in the room, maintaining an awkward position in order to fit. For several minutes, Dominic alternated his gaze from the stranger to Matthew, the other man focused intently on the performance. Finally, he decided to speak.
"Who is this guy? He's pretty good." He did not look Dominic in the eyes, merely leaned his head in his general direction in oder to be heard.
Dominic smiled in his reply. "His name is Matt. Matt Bellamy." He watched Matthew for some moments, the audience clapping as a song finished before he moved into another. "Can you believe he was nervous?"
That got the man's attention. He turned to Dom with a look of shock. "You know him?"
A thrill seemed to overtake his reply, the words erupting from his chest before he could even think to stop them. "He's my boyfriend."
Saying it, out loud and proudly, to someone that was not Ian or Julia suddenly gave Dominic an overwhelming sense of affirmation. Knowing the truth in private, while satisfying, immediately became diminished by the immediate liberation brought on by public admission. And then he could not remember why he had ever hesitated to say it at all.
The man nodded. "Right on." He turned his face to the stage once more, leaning his head towards Dominic one final time to speak. "Tell him he's got a fan. Never seen anything like this. It's pretty cool."
Pride swelled within Dominic, brimming over and dripping down his throat like honey. "I will," he said, though he wasn't sure the other man was paying attention. "He would love that."
Love seemed to linger on his tongue, the word attempting to breach the levee of his lips. It begged to be released into the melody of the atmosphere, wishing to take on a different and heavier meaning. Forcing the word back down his throat, he brought his eyes once more to the man on stage and let the vision of his rapture warm the blood inside his veins.
Having committed the setlist to memory during soundcheck, Dominic braved the audience once more knowing that the set was coming to a close. Slithering between people, attempting to become somewhat two-dimensional, he moved towards the back and shut himself in the small room to wait for Matthew's return. Pressing his back against the door, he shut his eyes and listened to the quiet hums of Matthew's guitar.
Not so long ago, he had done the same against Matthew's bedroom door, popping over for a surprise visit to find him practicing in his room. He had listened, resting against the wood as though it were an old friend while he waited for the song to end. There, in the back room of an indie club, Dominic imagined he was back in the flat, the feeling just as intimate as it was before.
It was not long before a thunderclap of applause broke Dominic form his reverie, the sound carrying along the wavelength of the floorboards through the thin wood. He backed away, awaiting Matthew's arrival and felt himself become somewhat awkward, feeling as though he were unnatural and posed. He was not given long to think about a change of position, as Matthew swept into the room, his forehead lined with sweat and his breath coming in shot hollow gasps.
"So?" Dom asked.
A high pitched laugh tumbled from the brunette, his eyes sparkling with joy. "Unbelievable."
It took only seconds for their bodies to come together in a tight hug.
"Thank you," Matthew said, his voice muffled by Dom's shoulder.
"I did nothing, really."
Dark hair shook as Matthew moved in disagreement, his face dragging along Dominic's skin on an inhale. Eventually, their lips met in a kiss that started innocent and sweet before graduating to a higher level of need. And, once more, Dominic felt the need to possess his boyfriend, while feeling more that he was the one who needed ownership to be marked on his body.
Matthew sucked on his bottom lip, a low groan escaping his through before he spoke. "I was looking at you."
"I know," Dominic panted. "I was watching." He groped along the curve of Matt's arse, his fingers pressing into the tender flesh in rhythm.
"I felt you, Dominic," Matt sighed, running his nose along the line of Dominic's jaw to his ear. "I felt you and I wanted you next to me." He hushed himself to a whisper, his breath toying with the hair at the base of his neck before his tongue made contact with sensitive skin.
"I wanted you too," Dominic whispered, a shiver tip-toeing along his spine. "But I think I'm a bit more possessive."
As if to prove a point, Matthew flattened himself against Dominic's body and Dom felt helpless to push him away. He clung to the other man's body, his hips pressing heartbeats into Matthew's pelvic bone. If he truly were in private, he would allow himself to get off on the contact. Instead, he began to shake his head as he scratched his nails at Matthew's tailbone.
"Not here, not here. I want to go to bed," he gasped. Matthew pulled away to look him in the eye, his gaze clouded with lust and confusion.
Dom braced himself for his confession, his tongue sliding along Matthew's cupid's bow before he spoke.
"I want you. All of you."