The Long Surrender: 8/??
Nov. 15th, 2010 12:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lalalive23Title: The Long Surrender
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lalalive23
Pairing: Belldom
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Fluff, Explicit wank scene
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world gets turned upside down and nothing is ever the same again.
Feedback: Is awesome. I like it. Keep it coming?
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse. If I did, they sure as hell would not be let out of the naughty closet. I don't make money off this. If I did, I would be a rich lady and not distracting myself from writing an undergrad thesis that is somehow much bigger than I.
Note: I send an arsenal of beautiful men todolce_piccante , millionstar , and sunshine_173 for being bit readers, lovers, inspiration givers, NaNoWriMo cheerleaders and genuinely incredible friends. Alright. It's a bit clear that now that I've put them together I can't seem to keep them apart. I am so guilty of this. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. This is probably going to be the last of the daily updates, my little four day weekend of no homework coming to an end as of 7:00AM tomorrow morning. -_- Yay registration! Buh. Anyways, ENJOY THIS MY BABIES <333 I LOVE YOU ALL <3
NaNo word count: 36,052
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7
Exiting the doors of the Palace Hotel, Dominic could not help but find himself retracing the steps he had taken with Matthew just two days previous. Turning down the same path with Julia felt strange, as if the meaning of the walk had been hollowed and marred by a foreign presence, and he was relieved when she came to the same crosswalk to turn in the opposite direction. Had she turned to follow the same direction that Matthew had shown him, he feared his body would refuse to follow, refuse to repeat the motions without the original meaning. Their hands were linked together, the warmth of the summer making their palms clammy as their fingers twined loosely in a show of affection and territorial domination. His left hand, held by habit in his coat pocket, fondled endlessly the mobile phone it contained, his body trying in vain to will it to vibrating.
After spending the day with Matthew, Dominic found himself utilizing their new found friendship to the fullest, texting and calling Matthew whenever he thought of him - which was often. In an effort to appear nonchalant about the relationship, he had ceased his calling for the day, hoping that Matthew would be the one to reach out to him. His resolve was beginning to give, breaking beneath the desire to hear Matt's voice, to know and possess everything about him. In the realm of intimate subjects, there was so much more than past, present, and future plans to know about someone. Of all the things he knew about Matthew, the parts he knew were minuscule compared to the whole of the man. Sensory information was starting to piece together, knowing that Matthew's shampoo of preference was a mix of sandalwood and tropical flowers; that his hands were always a comforting mixture of feminine softness and masculine roughness at the tips. The spectrum of Matthew's vocals varied in moods, and, as there were an infinite number of moods in the spectrum of human emotion, there were, of course, an infinite number of sounds the man was capable of emitting. Starting first with the mysterious keening whine he had heard, he wanted to work from the most obscene to the most kittenish, and work his way around in a 360º manner.
Phone conversations, of course, would provide him these things, but the number they could entertain together was sorely limited as long as he was on vacation, as long as Julia was near him. Against his wishes he had began to feel her presence was an intrusion on the bond that was blossoming between him and the brunet. It was something sacred, he felt, not to be touched by exterior forces as it was kept away from his reality, his own church, as Matthew had described his bookstore.
"Where are we going?" he asked as Julia turned them down a nondescript street.
'"I don't know," she laughed. "I just feel like getting lost in Madrid with you." She turned as she walked backwards, facing him and holding her hands out to him. Fingers fluttering in the air as she walked, not bothering to turn her head to see behind her, she cocked her head to the side to lure him to her.
He granted her wish, but only partly. With one hand clasping hers tightly, he brought her to him to peck her nose as his left hand subconsciously clutched his mobile tightly.
"I just want to be lost with you," she whispered against his lips, sucking his bottom lip with vigor.
"Hmmm," he said nibbling her lips. "Are you sure 'lost' is what you want?"
Bringing her hands to thread through his hair, she pressed herself flush against him, panting wantonly in his ear. "Maybe I want you to be lost with me, in me."
"Are you really talking dirty to me in public," Dominic hummed, his right hand squeezing her arse.
"Does it bother you?" she moaned.
"Well, not really but anyone could walk by. People are walking by, to be honest."
"Let them," she sighed, massaging his scalp.
Dominic chuckled, his fingers tapping idly at his mobile, out of her view. 'What's gotten into you?"
Julia pulled back, letting out a heavy sigh. "Not you," she said softly.
"What?" he asked, startled by her words.
"Nothing, never mind," she said, turning to walk ahead of him.
He followed after her, confused about her words. "Julia, what are you talking about?" he asked, huffing out breaths as he rushed to keep up with her pace.
"Nothing, really. We'll talk about it later." She waved her hand at him, brushing off the subject with the flick of her wrist. Noticing the action, Dominic shook his head, though she did not see him do so as she had turned her sight straight ahead.
Before he could open his mouth to press the issue, he felt his mobile vibrate against his fingertips. He masked the thrill of excitement he felt by taking in a sharp breath, slowing his motions to a casual speed instead of a rapid fire draw of his mobile from his jacket. In the curt silence he shared with Julia, he was glad it had been on vibrate, no ringtone to penetrate their walk or to draw her attention back to him. The task proved even more difficult as he saw Matthew's face on the screen, a candid picture he had snapped over dinner, the brunet's profile as he spoke to their waiter perfectly lit and too good to pass up.
"Hey," he said with a smile, eyes falling to his feet as he walked.
"Hi," Matthew said. Dom could hear the smile in his voice. "What are you up to?"
"Julia and I are walking to....actually, I don't really know. I think we're just walking," Dom laughed. He spoke the words loud enough for Julia to hear, but she did not turn to address him or to clarify their destination. Her lack of attention made him sigh.
"Oh, nice. So, I was wondering if you and Julia would like to come out tonight. I'm playing a set at a club I think you both would like. We could get drinks after?" The hopeful tone in Matthew's voice made his heart swell, the vocal inflection quickly becoming his favourite.
"Yeah, I would love to. Hold on." Dom pulled the phone from his ear, pressing in to his chest to block the receiver as he spoke to Julia. "Jules," he called to get her attention. She turned her head to peer at him from over her shoulder, not slowing her pace. "Do you want to go see Matt tonight at a club." In a shocking display of hurt and frustration, she furrowed her brow and shook her head, the expression one he had hardly seen in their time together and only viewed when she was entirely disappointed with him. The pit of his gut sunk, his heart dropping and the day feeling a little bit more gloomy as he got the impression she didn't want him to go either. He brought the phone back to his ear, his heart breaking at the fact that he had to tell Matthew no, when every atom in his being wanted to pull him to the guitarist. "Hey mate, I don't think we'll be able to make it." He tried to highlight to the fullest the tone of sheer disappointment and sadness at the prospect of not seeing him.
"That's ok," Matthew said evenly, though Dom could hear the sadness in his voice. "I hope you guys have fun tonight."
"Yeah, I'm so sorry we can't make it. I really do want to go," Dom clarified.
"Don't worry about it. There will be other gigs."
"Cheers mate," Dom sad sadly.
"See you," Matt said. He then disconnected and Dom felt a universe away from him.
The pieces inside of him that were heartbroken forced him to cling to the phone like a lifeline, simply unable to let it go; as if to do so meant to let matthew go completely. "Why don't you want to see Matt tonight?" he asked. Julia slowed her pacing down at the question, though she did not bring her eyes to him.
"Because I want you to myself tonight," she said simply.
Confusion caused his feet to halt, brows furrowing as he processed her statement. "What?" he asked. If he thought back to their entire trip in Spain, she had spent every night with him, several just the two of them. Her response was remarkably out of character.
"I want you to myself tonight," she repeated. "No texting, no Matthew. Just us."
Her placement of Matthew in a list of negative things immediately made him jump to the man's defense. "I thought you liked Matthew," he started. The tension in his voice was building and he walked quickly to catch up to her, to confront her. His pause gave her leave to speak.
"Dominic, of course I do. You know I do. But tonight I just want it to be us. I'm a allowed to be a little selfish with you," she said softly. "It has nothing to do with Matthew, but you do seem to be preoccupied with him. And I don't mind, honestly, but I just want it to be us tonight ok?" She regarded him with wide and gentle eyes. A plea written in the green pools forced his hear to action, his hand following suit as he grabbed hers and nodded. Her request was hardly removed from the realm of what was reasonable, indeed having every right to request solely his presence for the evening. And, in truth, he was powerless to deny her the wish.
"That's all you had to say, baby," he said with a smile.
And though he was happy to spend his evening with Julia, right hand connected so forcefully to hers, his left hand, the other side of him, remained distantly tethered to a man he yearned to have with them.
~*~
The patterns of Matthew's daily life had begun to take on an unusually grey hue, the alternative to his isolated rituals providing infinitely more opportunities to heal. As he wandered around his flat, shirtless and searching for an avenue of distraction, his mind traversed into thoughts of what his life would be like if he was still in London, or if he had Dominic to himself. Standing at his stove as he scrambled his eggs in the pan, he thought lazily if Dominic had ever heard him play in London. Would they have met had he stayed? Would the connection be the same? Would his feelings for Evan restrict him from furthering his relationship with the blonde?
No matter how many situations he conjured for himself, all felt appropriately placed in Spain, their first meeting simply out of place anywhere else. As his breakup with Evan had taught him, fate was an irrational force thought up by the lonely and the unjaded, those who had never experience true heartache that rendered the idea obsolete. But as his mind explored the depths of his imagination, he struggled to define the coincidences surrounding their newfound friendship.
Further phone conversations with Vida had sealed his desire to explore the friendship in the hopes of discovery of eventual closeness or a sacred bond that would be considered exalted in the domain of brotherhood. And while his interior passions screamed that brotherhood was the furthest thing from his true wish, logic told him that settling for the term was the best he would receive at this particular juncture in time.
As he graced his empty apartment with a leisurely stare, he wished that the home held some other form of entertainment or distraction. When he first moved in, he had brought what little things he could fit in a suitcase, the flat itself coming furnished. Choosing to use his funds for food and essential living items, he refused to buy a stereo or a television, the writing of his own arrangements serving as his form of entertainment. In the beginning, the solitary confinement had proved to be the necessary sort of healing process he craved, his aching heart seeking to heal from the inside out.
But it appeared those lonely days were over, the blonde man's presence causing a quake in his being, shaking him to life and beckoning him to walk out in the daylight, to exist with the living. Heart no longer a battered and dead thing, he felt himself slowly coming back to life, seeking to cling to the source that had brought him to life. Munching lazily on his lunch, having woken up close to noon, he sat in the silence of his home and begged for a distraction.
It came in the form of a phone call, his mobile vibrating on the table, spinning on the hardwood from the motion. He lifted it to his ear, expecting Vida's usual afternoon chat.
"Hola!" he said, his usual bit of sass reserved for the woman coming through with full force.
"Oi, don't tease me with your language skills," came Dom's playfully irritated reply.
Choking on his food from laughter and surprise, Matt tried to recover his voice without dying. "Hey," he said rather loudly and cringing at the tone.
"You alright mate?" Dom laughed.
"Yeah," Matt replied, taking a swig of juice. "Was expecting someone else, is all. How is being lost with Julia?"
"It's interesting." Dom's reply sounded hesitant, as if he didn't want to be lost at all.
"Oh, no. It sounds like you really are lost," Matthew said playfully as he poked his fork in his eggs, not entirely playing with his food but not entirely planning to eat it.
"No, it's not that. I just have no idea where I am, but she does. And I have no idea what people are saying, but she does," he said, exasperated.
"Aw, is Dommy jealous," Matthew said playfully, unable to help the large smile that spread across his lips.
"Oh god," Dom snorted. "I haven't been called Dommy since I was ten."
"I like how it sounds on you." Matthew brought his cup to his lips, rubbing the rim along his bottom lip.
"It makes me sound like a baby," Dominic said petulantly.
Matthew chuckled. "So what is Julia doing?" he asked, wondering why Dominic was calling him again so soon after he had turned down his ability to watch him play that evening.
"She's talking to some sales clerk about handbags," he sighed. "I'm totally useless when it comes to shopping. Pretty much everything I wear has been bought by her."
Matthew found it difficult to imagine that Dominic would have such poor sense of style, so much so that he would need his girlfriend to dress him up. "I find that hard to believe," he admitted.
"Really, if I had my way, I would be in sweatpants and jumpers all day," Dominic said. "Oh hey, that rhymed." He giggled at the realization, and Matthew felt his heart swell to the point of bursting. And then, something in the lower region of his body began to swell, the image of Dom shirtless with sweats slung low on his hips taking a stroll through his alarmingly vivid imagination.
"I'd rather be in my boxers all day," Matthew admitted, adjusting his body in his chair to ease the strain. "Actually, I usually am in my boxers when I'm home. I don't know why I'm telling you this."
"No, no," Dominic said enthusiastically. "I'm the same. I love being barefoot."
"Yes!" Matthew agreed immediately, the two laughing at their shared love for bare toes. As their laughter dissipated, they were left to listen to each other's breathing for a few moments, the calming breaths they took easing each other's nerves.
"So, what are you doing this afternoon? Do you have a student to teach?" Dominic asked after he caught his breath.
"Nope," Matthew said, bringing his dishes to the sink. "I'm writing a new piece for tonight, so I was just going to finish that. I might go get some coffee later."
"By yourself?" Dominic asked. There was a tone to his voice that Matthew could not place, no matter how hard he tried. It was not shock, or confusion. It was as though he yearned to join him.
"Yeah, there's a nice place by my flat. They make great coffee and pastries. I go there to think when I can't make it to the book store. I write music there a lot." He walked over to his bed, picking up his guitar and sitting down, cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder as he began to strum.
"Oh, are you going to write something while I'm on the phone?" Dominic asked hopefully.
Matthew chuckled softly. "No, I don't even know why I picked her up. It's just a habit I guess."
"Her?" Dom questioned.
"Yes, her. Did you think my guitar would be anything else?" Matthew sounded playfully affronted.
"No, sir," Dominic laughed. Matthew tried to ignore the way his use of 'sir' shot straight to his cock. "What's her name?"
"Bianca," he said happily, long fingers stroking stroking the fretboard as he did so.
"Good name," Dom hummed.
"Thanks, I think it is too." Matthew paused as he brought his nose to the strings giving the guitar a one-sided eskimo kiss. "Evan always hated that she was in my life first. Well, not hated. But he never understood why music was so important to me, why I couldn't give it up."
He felt Dominic pause, he felt his hesitation to say what he wanted to through the phone. "If he really loved you, he should never have asked you to give it up in the first place." The sweetness of Dom's voice, his gentle way of saying the words to not hurt Matthew made his cock swell in time with his heart. "Did he ever ask you to?" Dom asked slowly, softly.
"Not in so many words," Matthew found himself saying quicker than he thought he would. "He was always trying to push me into other careers, though. It's no secret that I could get a job anywhere I wanted, but he never gave me the chance to really try this."
"I'm glad you're trying it here." Dominic said. "No, that makes it sound like I'm glad he left you. I don't mean that at all," he conceded awkwardly. He could hear the blonde rubbing his forehead with his hand.
Matthew laughed, leaning back on the bed, the guitar falling between his legs. The pressure to his stiff cock made him choke out a gasp. "It's ok," he said once he caught his breath. "I know what you mean."
"So after coffee, are you heading to the venue?" Dominic shifted the topic.
"Yeah, I'll just be coming back here to change quick and then head over."
"No appearance in your boxers?" Dominic asked coyly.
"I never said I would change into clothes, I merely meant I would change the colour of my shorts," Matthew joked.
"That would definitely get a reaction from the crowd," Dominic giggled. Again, the sound causing his cock to harden more. "What will they do with you?"
Matthew couldn't help it anymore. His hand snaked slowly under the waistband of his boxers, coming to fist around his cock as he pulled it out into the open air. Jaw slacking, he let out no sound, forcing himself to mask his actions with silence. "What won't they do with me?" he asked as he gave himself a firm tug.
'Why do I get the feeling that playing music for you is a whole other sort of....experience?" Dominic asked, though his words seemed to probe for something in Matthew that he could not quite put his finger on.
Matthew hummed, rubbing himself, tugging and thumbing his slit with mild pressure, he bit his other fist to mask the high pitched noise he made. Garbled words came from the back of his mind to form an answer for the blonde patiently waiting on the other end. "Because it is, really," he said softly, bucking his hips to his tight fist.
"Really? How so?" Dominic asked, curious.
"When I'm up there," he sighed, applying pressure to the base of his cock, "everything seems to fade away and it's just me and my music. No one else matters and it's like -" he cut himself off, a firm tug sending his hips to bucking, hitting his guitar with a thud, eyes falling closed as he bit his lip. Gathering his thoughts once more, he continued. "It feels safe. Like my music loves me back." He let out a sigh, his fist tightening and increasing in speed as he dragged a nail over the underside of his cock, tracing a vein that throbbed.
"That's so beautiful," Dominic whispered, the sound only making Matthew's hips further their speed. "Matty, that really is beautiful."
Biting his fist once more Matthew let out a soft 'unnnggg' at the sound of Dominic calling him Matty, his back arching high off the bed. "Matty?" he whispered in return.
"Hey, you called me Dommy. Why can't I do the same to your name?" Dominic teased.
"Call me whatever you want," Matthew half pleaded, feeling his orgasm burning in the pit of his stomach.
"Hmmm," Dominic thought pensively. "I'll get back to you on that. I want to give you a nickname you probably have never been called before."
Matthew hummed, bringing himself to sit up fully, his fist moving at a furious speed as he neared his climax. "That's sweet," was all he could manage.
"I take pride in giving people nicknames," Dominic said, pretending to sound like a snob. "Shit, Julia is done. I'll catch you later."
The sound of Dominic swearing forced Matthew onto the edge of his climax, his neck falling backward, the phone slipping from his ear to the bed, completely unaware that Dominic had hung up without waiting for Matt's reply. He came violently, his come spilling from his fingers and onto his guitar's fretboard, which had shifted in his lap from his frantic movements. Sweat dripped from his hairline and down his cheeks, his body shivering from the force of his orgasm.
As he struggled to catch his breath in the silence of the room, he stared at his white come as it made pools on his instrument. Unable to understand what possessed him to do so, he brought his tongue to the fret, licking his fretboard clean as he imagined his come was a mixture of both his and Dom's, the taste becoming infinitely more sweet.
~*~
Backstage later that evening, Matthew paced in small circles before he went on. Shaking out the tension in his wrists and fingers, he closed his eyes and sighed. Forcing his mind into a blank nothingness, he eased his nerves by inhaling deep into his lungs and counting to ten before exhaling slowly.
A stage hand tapped him on the shoulder, pointing to the empty stage to signal him to go on. Nodding his thanks, he picked up Bianca, fingering her tenderly before stepping onto the stage, eyes lowered to his feet as he sat on his stool. He waved slowly as the crowd clapped politely, settling Bianca on his knees and beginning to play his usual first song.
His mind drifted to black, eyes closed as the music seemed to envelope him completely, fingers moving in muscle memory as he worked through the song. It became something synesthetic, as it usually did, colours forming behind his eyes with each note he strummed. He felt transcendent, ethereal, vaporous, a myriad of emotions as he was transported to a secret place only his music allowed him to go.
He had once tried to explain this feeling to Evan, only to be met with a blank stare of confusion and a distinct lack of care. It was difficult to describe the pain he felt when Evan barely took the time to understand the feeling of absolute bliss he felt, the sheer incandescent pleasure, that his music gave him. It was as though Evan wanted to totally disconnect himself from all the things that made Matthew who he was. He realized that now that it was something he would never forgive Evan for.
Bringing his neck down to his chest, he opened his eyes, lovingly gazing at Bianca, the only woman he would ever really love. In the bright lights of the stage, he could see the stains of his come on the wood, a filthy smile taking shape on his lips. The thin outline of what had been there before reminded him immediately of Dom. And as he sat, alone on stage, he felt infinitely closer to the blonde, his song changing from melancholy to a tune of seduction in a chord change of ecstatic lust.
Author:
lalalive23 Pairing: Belldom
Rating: NC-17
Warning: Fluff, Explicit wank scene
Summary: AU. Matt moved to Spain immediately after his lover left him to continue his work on the Spanish guitar. When Dom takes a holiday with his new fiancee, his world gets turned upside down and nothing is ever the same again.
Feedback: Is awesome. I like it. Keep it coming?
Disclaimer: I don't own Muse. If I did, they sure as hell would not be let out of the naughty closet. I don't make money off this. If I did, I would be a rich lady and not distracting myself from writing an undergrad thesis that is somehow much bigger than I.
Note: I send an arsenal of beautiful men to
dolce_piccante , millionstar , and sunshine_173 for being bit readers, lovers, inspiration givers, NaNoWriMo cheerleaders and genuinely incredible friends. Alright. It's a bit clear that now that I've put them together I can't seem to keep them apart. I am so guilty of this. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT. This is probably going to be the last of the daily updates, my little four day weekend of no homework coming to an end as of 7:00AM tomorrow morning. -_- Yay registration! Buh. Anyways, ENJOY THIS MY BABIES <333 I LOVE YOU ALL <3NaNo word count: 36,052
Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7
Exiting the doors of the Palace Hotel, Dominic could not help but find himself retracing the steps he had taken with Matthew just two days previous. Turning down the same path with Julia felt strange, as if the meaning of the walk had been hollowed and marred by a foreign presence, and he was relieved when she came to the same crosswalk to turn in the opposite direction. Had she turned to follow the same direction that Matthew had shown him, he feared his body would refuse to follow, refuse to repeat the motions without the original meaning. Their hands were linked together, the warmth of the summer making their palms clammy as their fingers twined loosely in a show of affection and territorial domination. His left hand, held by habit in his coat pocket, fondled endlessly the mobile phone it contained, his body trying in vain to will it to vibrating.
After spending the day with Matthew, Dominic found himself utilizing their new found friendship to the fullest, texting and calling Matthew whenever he thought of him - which was often. In an effort to appear nonchalant about the relationship, he had ceased his calling for the day, hoping that Matthew would be the one to reach out to him. His resolve was beginning to give, breaking beneath the desire to hear Matt's voice, to know and possess everything about him. In the realm of intimate subjects, there was so much more than past, present, and future plans to know about someone. Of all the things he knew about Matthew, the parts he knew were minuscule compared to the whole of the man. Sensory information was starting to piece together, knowing that Matthew's shampoo of preference was a mix of sandalwood and tropical flowers; that his hands were always a comforting mixture of feminine softness and masculine roughness at the tips. The spectrum of Matthew's vocals varied in moods, and, as there were an infinite number of moods in the spectrum of human emotion, there were, of course, an infinite number of sounds the man was capable of emitting. Starting first with the mysterious keening whine he had heard, he wanted to work from the most obscene to the most kittenish, and work his way around in a 360º manner.
Phone conversations, of course, would provide him these things, but the number they could entertain together was sorely limited as long as he was on vacation, as long as Julia was near him. Against his wishes he had began to feel her presence was an intrusion on the bond that was blossoming between him and the brunet. It was something sacred, he felt, not to be touched by exterior forces as it was kept away from his reality, his own church, as Matthew had described his bookstore.
"Where are we going?" he asked as Julia turned them down a nondescript street.
'"I don't know," she laughed. "I just feel like getting lost in Madrid with you." She turned as she walked backwards, facing him and holding her hands out to him. Fingers fluttering in the air as she walked, not bothering to turn her head to see behind her, she cocked her head to the side to lure him to her.
He granted her wish, but only partly. With one hand clasping hers tightly, he brought her to him to peck her nose as his left hand subconsciously clutched his mobile tightly.
"I just want to be lost with you," she whispered against his lips, sucking his bottom lip with vigor.
"Hmmm," he said nibbling her lips. "Are you sure 'lost' is what you want?"
Bringing her hands to thread through his hair, she pressed herself flush against him, panting wantonly in his ear. "Maybe I want you to be lost with me, in me."
"Are you really talking dirty to me in public," Dominic hummed, his right hand squeezing her arse.
"Does it bother you?" she moaned.
"Well, not really but anyone could walk by. People are walking by, to be honest."
"Let them," she sighed, massaging his scalp.
Dominic chuckled, his fingers tapping idly at his mobile, out of her view. 'What's gotten into you?"
Julia pulled back, letting out a heavy sigh. "Not you," she said softly.
"What?" he asked, startled by her words.
"Nothing, never mind," she said, turning to walk ahead of him.
He followed after her, confused about her words. "Julia, what are you talking about?" he asked, huffing out breaths as he rushed to keep up with her pace.
"Nothing, really. We'll talk about it later." She waved her hand at him, brushing off the subject with the flick of her wrist. Noticing the action, Dominic shook his head, though she did not see him do so as she had turned her sight straight ahead.
Before he could open his mouth to press the issue, he felt his mobile vibrate against his fingertips. He masked the thrill of excitement he felt by taking in a sharp breath, slowing his motions to a casual speed instead of a rapid fire draw of his mobile from his jacket. In the curt silence he shared with Julia, he was glad it had been on vibrate, no ringtone to penetrate their walk or to draw her attention back to him. The task proved even more difficult as he saw Matthew's face on the screen, a candid picture he had snapped over dinner, the brunet's profile as he spoke to their waiter perfectly lit and too good to pass up.
"Hey," he said with a smile, eyes falling to his feet as he walked.
"Hi," Matthew said. Dom could hear the smile in his voice. "What are you up to?"
"Julia and I are walking to....actually, I don't really know. I think we're just walking," Dom laughed. He spoke the words loud enough for Julia to hear, but she did not turn to address him or to clarify their destination. Her lack of attention made him sigh.
"Oh, nice. So, I was wondering if you and Julia would like to come out tonight. I'm playing a set at a club I think you both would like. We could get drinks after?" The hopeful tone in Matthew's voice made his heart swell, the vocal inflection quickly becoming his favourite.
"Yeah, I would love to. Hold on." Dom pulled the phone from his ear, pressing in to his chest to block the receiver as he spoke to Julia. "Jules," he called to get her attention. She turned her head to peer at him from over her shoulder, not slowing her pace. "Do you want to go see Matt tonight at a club." In a shocking display of hurt and frustration, she furrowed her brow and shook her head, the expression one he had hardly seen in their time together and only viewed when she was entirely disappointed with him. The pit of his gut sunk, his heart dropping and the day feeling a little bit more gloomy as he got the impression she didn't want him to go either. He brought the phone back to his ear, his heart breaking at the fact that he had to tell Matthew no, when every atom in his being wanted to pull him to the guitarist. "Hey mate, I don't think we'll be able to make it." He tried to highlight to the fullest the tone of sheer disappointment and sadness at the prospect of not seeing him.
"That's ok," Matthew said evenly, though Dom could hear the sadness in his voice. "I hope you guys have fun tonight."
"Yeah, I'm so sorry we can't make it. I really do want to go," Dom clarified.
"Don't worry about it. There will be other gigs."
"Cheers mate," Dom sad sadly.
"See you," Matt said. He then disconnected and Dom felt a universe away from him.
The pieces inside of him that were heartbroken forced him to cling to the phone like a lifeline, simply unable to let it go; as if to do so meant to let matthew go completely. "Why don't you want to see Matt tonight?" he asked. Julia slowed her pacing down at the question, though she did not bring her eyes to him.
"Because I want you to myself tonight," she said simply.
Confusion caused his feet to halt, brows furrowing as he processed her statement. "What?" he asked. If he thought back to their entire trip in Spain, she had spent every night with him, several just the two of them. Her response was remarkably out of character.
"I want you to myself tonight," she repeated. "No texting, no Matthew. Just us."
Her placement of Matthew in a list of negative things immediately made him jump to the man's defense. "I thought you liked Matthew," he started. The tension in his voice was building and he walked quickly to catch up to her, to confront her. His pause gave her leave to speak.
"Dominic, of course I do. You know I do. But tonight I just want it to be us. I'm a allowed to be a little selfish with you," she said softly. "It has nothing to do with Matthew, but you do seem to be preoccupied with him. And I don't mind, honestly, but I just want it to be us tonight ok?" She regarded him with wide and gentle eyes. A plea written in the green pools forced his hear to action, his hand following suit as he grabbed hers and nodded. Her request was hardly removed from the realm of what was reasonable, indeed having every right to request solely his presence for the evening. And, in truth, he was powerless to deny her the wish.
"That's all you had to say, baby," he said with a smile.
And though he was happy to spend his evening with Julia, right hand connected so forcefully to hers, his left hand, the other side of him, remained distantly tethered to a man he yearned to have with them.
~*~
The patterns of Matthew's daily life had begun to take on an unusually grey hue, the alternative to his isolated rituals providing infinitely more opportunities to heal. As he wandered around his flat, shirtless and searching for an avenue of distraction, his mind traversed into thoughts of what his life would be like if he was still in London, or if he had Dominic to himself. Standing at his stove as he scrambled his eggs in the pan, he thought lazily if Dominic had ever heard him play in London. Would they have met had he stayed? Would the connection be the same? Would his feelings for Evan restrict him from furthering his relationship with the blonde?
No matter how many situations he conjured for himself, all felt appropriately placed in Spain, their first meeting simply out of place anywhere else. As his breakup with Evan had taught him, fate was an irrational force thought up by the lonely and the unjaded, those who had never experience true heartache that rendered the idea obsolete. But as his mind explored the depths of his imagination, he struggled to define the coincidences surrounding their newfound friendship.
Further phone conversations with Vida had sealed his desire to explore the friendship in the hopes of discovery of eventual closeness or a sacred bond that would be considered exalted in the domain of brotherhood. And while his interior passions screamed that brotherhood was the furthest thing from his true wish, logic told him that settling for the term was the best he would receive at this particular juncture in time.
As he graced his empty apartment with a leisurely stare, he wished that the home held some other form of entertainment or distraction. When he first moved in, he had brought what little things he could fit in a suitcase, the flat itself coming furnished. Choosing to use his funds for food and essential living items, he refused to buy a stereo or a television, the writing of his own arrangements serving as his form of entertainment. In the beginning, the solitary confinement had proved to be the necessary sort of healing process he craved, his aching heart seeking to heal from the inside out.
But it appeared those lonely days were over, the blonde man's presence causing a quake in his being, shaking him to life and beckoning him to walk out in the daylight, to exist with the living. Heart no longer a battered and dead thing, he felt himself slowly coming back to life, seeking to cling to the source that had brought him to life. Munching lazily on his lunch, having woken up close to noon, he sat in the silence of his home and begged for a distraction.
It came in the form of a phone call, his mobile vibrating on the table, spinning on the hardwood from the motion. He lifted it to his ear, expecting Vida's usual afternoon chat.
"Hola!" he said, his usual bit of sass reserved for the woman coming through with full force.
"Oi, don't tease me with your language skills," came Dom's playfully irritated reply.
Choking on his food from laughter and surprise, Matt tried to recover his voice without dying. "Hey," he said rather loudly and cringing at the tone.
"You alright mate?" Dom laughed.
"Yeah," Matt replied, taking a swig of juice. "Was expecting someone else, is all. How is being lost with Julia?"
"It's interesting." Dom's reply sounded hesitant, as if he didn't want to be lost at all.
"Oh, no. It sounds like you really are lost," Matthew said playfully as he poked his fork in his eggs, not entirely playing with his food but not entirely planning to eat it.
"No, it's not that. I just have no idea where I am, but she does. And I have no idea what people are saying, but she does," he said, exasperated.
"Aw, is Dommy jealous," Matthew said playfully, unable to help the large smile that spread across his lips.
"Oh god," Dom snorted. "I haven't been called Dommy since I was ten."
"I like how it sounds on you." Matthew brought his cup to his lips, rubbing the rim along his bottom lip.
"It makes me sound like a baby," Dominic said petulantly.
Matthew chuckled. "So what is Julia doing?" he asked, wondering why Dominic was calling him again so soon after he had turned down his ability to watch him play that evening.
"She's talking to some sales clerk about handbags," he sighed. "I'm totally useless when it comes to shopping. Pretty much everything I wear has been bought by her."
Matthew found it difficult to imagine that Dominic would have such poor sense of style, so much so that he would need his girlfriend to dress him up. "I find that hard to believe," he admitted.
"Really, if I had my way, I would be in sweatpants and jumpers all day," Dominic said. "Oh hey, that rhymed." He giggled at the realization, and Matthew felt his heart swell to the point of bursting. And then, something in the lower region of his body began to swell, the image of Dom shirtless with sweats slung low on his hips taking a stroll through his alarmingly vivid imagination.
"I'd rather be in my boxers all day," Matthew admitted, adjusting his body in his chair to ease the strain. "Actually, I usually am in my boxers when I'm home. I don't know why I'm telling you this."
"No, no," Dominic said enthusiastically. "I'm the same. I love being barefoot."
"Yes!" Matthew agreed immediately, the two laughing at their shared love for bare toes. As their laughter dissipated, they were left to listen to each other's breathing for a few moments, the calming breaths they took easing each other's nerves.
"So, what are you doing this afternoon? Do you have a student to teach?" Dominic asked after he caught his breath.
"Nope," Matthew said, bringing his dishes to the sink. "I'm writing a new piece for tonight, so I was just going to finish that. I might go get some coffee later."
"By yourself?" Dominic asked. There was a tone to his voice that Matthew could not place, no matter how hard he tried. It was not shock, or confusion. It was as though he yearned to join him.
"Yeah, there's a nice place by my flat. They make great coffee and pastries. I go there to think when I can't make it to the book store. I write music there a lot." He walked over to his bed, picking up his guitar and sitting down, cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder as he began to strum.
"Oh, are you going to write something while I'm on the phone?" Dominic asked hopefully.
Matthew chuckled softly. "No, I don't even know why I picked her up. It's just a habit I guess."
"Her?" Dom questioned.
"Yes, her. Did you think my guitar would be anything else?" Matthew sounded playfully affronted.
"No, sir," Dominic laughed. Matthew tried to ignore the way his use of 'sir' shot straight to his cock. "What's her name?"
"Bianca," he said happily, long fingers stroking stroking the fretboard as he did so.
"Good name," Dom hummed.
"Thanks, I think it is too." Matthew paused as he brought his nose to the strings giving the guitar a one-sided eskimo kiss. "Evan always hated that she was in my life first. Well, not hated. But he never understood why music was so important to me, why I couldn't give it up."
He felt Dominic pause, he felt his hesitation to say what he wanted to through the phone. "If he really loved you, he should never have asked you to give it up in the first place." The sweetness of Dom's voice, his gentle way of saying the words to not hurt Matthew made his cock swell in time with his heart. "Did he ever ask you to?" Dom asked slowly, softly.
"Not in so many words," Matthew found himself saying quicker than he thought he would. "He was always trying to push me into other careers, though. It's no secret that I could get a job anywhere I wanted, but he never gave me the chance to really try this."
"I'm glad you're trying it here." Dominic said. "No, that makes it sound like I'm glad he left you. I don't mean that at all," he conceded awkwardly. He could hear the blonde rubbing his forehead with his hand.
Matthew laughed, leaning back on the bed, the guitar falling between his legs. The pressure to his stiff cock made him choke out a gasp. "It's ok," he said once he caught his breath. "I know what you mean."
"So after coffee, are you heading to the venue?" Dominic shifted the topic.
"Yeah, I'll just be coming back here to change quick and then head over."
"No appearance in your boxers?" Dominic asked coyly.
"I never said I would change into clothes, I merely meant I would change the colour of my shorts," Matthew joked.
"That would definitely get a reaction from the crowd," Dominic giggled. Again, the sound causing his cock to harden more. "What will they do with you?"
Matthew couldn't help it anymore. His hand snaked slowly under the waistband of his boxers, coming to fist around his cock as he pulled it out into the open air. Jaw slacking, he let out no sound, forcing himself to mask his actions with silence. "What won't they do with me?" he asked as he gave himself a firm tug.
'Why do I get the feeling that playing music for you is a whole other sort of....experience?" Dominic asked, though his words seemed to probe for something in Matthew that he could not quite put his finger on.
Matthew hummed, rubbing himself, tugging and thumbing his slit with mild pressure, he bit his other fist to mask the high pitched noise he made. Garbled words came from the back of his mind to form an answer for the blonde patiently waiting on the other end. "Because it is, really," he said softly, bucking his hips to his tight fist.
"Really? How so?" Dominic asked, curious.
"When I'm up there," he sighed, applying pressure to the base of his cock, "everything seems to fade away and it's just me and my music. No one else matters and it's like -" he cut himself off, a firm tug sending his hips to bucking, hitting his guitar with a thud, eyes falling closed as he bit his lip. Gathering his thoughts once more, he continued. "It feels safe. Like my music loves me back." He let out a sigh, his fist tightening and increasing in speed as he dragged a nail over the underside of his cock, tracing a vein that throbbed.
"That's so beautiful," Dominic whispered, the sound only making Matthew's hips further their speed. "Matty, that really is beautiful."
Biting his fist once more Matthew let out a soft 'unnnggg' at the sound of Dominic calling him Matty, his back arching high off the bed. "Matty?" he whispered in return.
"Hey, you called me Dommy. Why can't I do the same to your name?" Dominic teased.
"Call me whatever you want," Matthew half pleaded, feeling his orgasm burning in the pit of his stomach.
"Hmmm," Dominic thought pensively. "I'll get back to you on that. I want to give you a nickname you probably have never been called before."
Matthew hummed, bringing himself to sit up fully, his fist moving at a furious speed as he neared his climax. "That's sweet," was all he could manage.
"I take pride in giving people nicknames," Dominic said, pretending to sound like a snob. "Shit, Julia is done. I'll catch you later."
The sound of Dominic swearing forced Matthew onto the edge of his climax, his neck falling backward, the phone slipping from his ear to the bed, completely unaware that Dominic had hung up without waiting for Matt's reply. He came violently, his come spilling from his fingers and onto his guitar's fretboard, which had shifted in his lap from his frantic movements. Sweat dripped from his hairline and down his cheeks, his body shivering from the force of his orgasm.
As he struggled to catch his breath in the silence of the room, he stared at his white come as it made pools on his instrument. Unable to understand what possessed him to do so, he brought his tongue to the fret, licking his fretboard clean as he imagined his come was a mixture of both his and Dom's, the taste becoming infinitely more sweet.
~*~
Backstage later that evening, Matthew paced in small circles before he went on. Shaking out the tension in his wrists and fingers, he closed his eyes and sighed. Forcing his mind into a blank nothingness, he eased his nerves by inhaling deep into his lungs and counting to ten before exhaling slowly.
A stage hand tapped him on the shoulder, pointing to the empty stage to signal him to go on. Nodding his thanks, he picked up Bianca, fingering her tenderly before stepping onto the stage, eyes lowered to his feet as he sat on his stool. He waved slowly as the crowd clapped politely, settling Bianca on his knees and beginning to play his usual first song.
His mind drifted to black, eyes closed as the music seemed to envelope him completely, fingers moving in muscle memory as he worked through the song. It became something synesthetic, as it usually did, colours forming behind his eyes with each note he strummed. He felt transcendent, ethereal, vaporous, a myriad of emotions as he was transported to a secret place only his music allowed him to go.
He had once tried to explain this feeling to Evan, only to be met with a blank stare of confusion and a distinct lack of care. It was difficult to describe the pain he felt when Evan barely took the time to understand the feeling of absolute bliss he felt, the sheer incandescent pleasure, that his music gave him. It was as though Evan wanted to totally disconnect himself from all the things that made Matthew who he was. He realized that now that it was something he would never forgive Evan for.
Bringing his neck down to his chest, he opened his eyes, lovingly gazing at Bianca, the only woman he would ever really love. In the bright lights of the stage, he could see the stains of his come on the wood, a filthy smile taking shape on his lips. The thin outline of what had been there before reminded him immediately of Dom. And as he sat, alone on stage, he felt infinitely closer to the blonde, his song changing from melancholy to a tune of seduction in a chord change of ecstatic lust.
